Hi Aqua,
I can honestly say, for perhaps the first month, alcohol was never very far from my mind. Cravings could be intense and my moods were up and down like a yo-yo.
Over the next few months, while the cravings were still there, they were less intense as I realised that I may just be getting on top of this. I still thought about drinking often, but used whatever means of distraction I could find. And it became easier and easier to coast through the craving.
After that, it wasn't really a case of 'craving', but a fleeting thought that would filter through my mind, and I would sense it with almost regret. The old "Wouldn't it be nice to have a drink?". This, by memory, was between the 4-6 month mark, so I had absolutely no intention of following through on the thought, but I was definitely aware it was there. And these thoughts were few and far between.
6-9 months was perhaps the easiest time. Very rarely thought about drinking, and if I did, it was actually a yucko thought. Thinking about the actual act of drinking was repugnant.
Between 9-10 months - whammo. I got hit with a sensory attack that bordered on grievous mental harm. It was THE worst time since those first shaky steps into sobriety. The weirdest part of that time was that I actually didn't want to drink, but I was almost talking myself into it. I was questioning everything about my life, about me, about the freaking universe!
Our friend Neil named it the '9 month hump'. And a hump it was! I posted on Gen Discussion and received fantastic support. I also went back on Campral. I did everything I could to make sure I didn't slide back into that awful mess. (I always mention this rotten time, because I was so unprepared for it, and I hope others will be able to counteract it should it happen to them.)
Coming out the other side has filled me with more resolve than I've ever had. I'm not saying I have this drinking thing conquered, but I have a far greater understanding of what works for me, and more importantly, what doesn't work for me. And I know my enemy well.
Well, after all that blather, I can tell you that while I was sitting here typing, I let the thought of having a drink sweep through my mind, and it literally turned my stomach. So, in answer to your question (finally!), yes, it gets much, much easier. But we can never let complacency enter the equation, and we need to keep faith in ourselves. We need to keep faith that we can strangle a craving, beat the hell out of a trigger, and murder a hump. (Truly, I'm not a violent person!)
Best, best wishes,
Kate.
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