Thanks for posting BB - I really appreciate it and Good on you!
I know, I know.... weird... I was thinking over the sausages, as you do, that it's just like when you want to cough in a concert...the more you try to stop it the more the tickle grows. I find the trick of saying to myself, 'go on then, cough' stops the tickle more often than not.... and looking over a high edge rather than backing away stops vertigo (a bit!).... P'raps I'm weird
but I find this with the ol' booze too. For most of the 90 days, when I've felt really scared of drinking, I've thought I would succumb until I sort of 'gave in' in my mind, said to myself, go on then...and then I didn't want one....! (except around ex-David when I didn't dare try it much but I guess it worked a bit then too...)
Just seems that that way might be rather a long winded way to live life!!! (With the David thing I just knew that would be a very bad reason to have a drink so stuck it out with the help of great pals on a website I know of....!!!!)
I don't know how it will go - just 'playing with it' at the mo... Got my daughter's wedding next weekend and after six months of will I/wont I toast her with champers when water is just as good (she doesn't drink much at all and will have loads of AF drink there!) I just want to be 'present' by being truly AF for a while (tick) but not feeling really fearful about taking a big swip from my glass and finding a waitress has filled it with bubbles of the A variety when I wasn't looking (elderflower fizz and champers looking very similar!).... Too much 'One drink and you'll die' and wet your lips and you've 'gone back out there' stuff from AA I think... Water doesn't worry me at all it's just this almost having no choice thing... (Don't really like champagne anyway!!)
Don't know - might understand one day and I hope and pray it wont be when I'm lying flat on my back thinking, Oh God, they were right!!!!
Thanks for suffering my rambles here today - it's helped clarify a lot and I feel heaps better than I did at lunchtime! (And the seance is a real larf BB!!!)
Love
F x
