Hey Lilly,

I think that Brigid has a good point about it's ultimately being up to you, but I do think that when you get the topa on board, it will help. Topa is like a miracle in some ways, and yet, as I'm discovering, still not the complete answer. I'm finding that the complete answer is still the one inside of us, in the desire to change our lives. You've done great in descreasing your drinking by 1/3 to 1/2 already! I could only do that for a day or two without the topa! Topa makes it so much easier to abstain or moderate, but it doesn't stop me from drinking to much if that is what is in my little brain to do that night!

At any rate, I have found it hard to allow myself to fully "let go" for the hypno tapes, I'll find myself getting distracted and stuff like that. I kept doing them anyway, and I think they have helped a lot. My biggest problem was finding the time, and for the last two weeks, I haven't been able to find the time, and it's been a lot harder to stay on course, and I find that I am really missing that "hypno time" Who'da thunk it?

Just some thoughts! Anyway, if you can, try not to feel too bashful about posting. I'm not sure why you think you might be "negative". Whether you're reaching out for help, sad or scared or questioning, or even offering something to someone else (you don't have to be perfect to do so, you know! ) everytime you write, you help yourself and maybe someone else, too! Sorry if I sound preachy. I hope I don't! I've been slippin and slidin all this week and hardly in a position to preach to anyone! I've managed to drink quite a bit even on the topa, which is kind of scary to me. I'm going to post more about it this weekend, when I really have some time to relax. I will be able to hang out and let my MWO friends help me peel myself back off the ceiling and get myself back on track! Meanwhile,

Hanging in there from here! Keep up the good work! I think you've already accomplished more than you're giving yourself credit for, Lilly! Alcohol is no little trouble. It is a formidable and cunning adversary, whether you're trying for abstinence or moderation.

Hugs,
Kathy

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YoungAtHeart