…The supps worked wonders for me and took away virtually all of my cravings within a very short time frame. But because I chose to go offshore for my Topa, I had to wait a few weeks before beginning this part of the program. So, to say Topa took away my cravings would be a misnomer, as I already wasn't really experiencing cravings by the time I began taking Topa. But last week (at 75 mg.) something very different began to happen...something Bear had described, but seemed so hard to believe could really be true for people like us who have spent years obsessing over alcohol. The way I feel about alcohol began to change. It somehow just no longer really seems important, or as Bear puts it, it's as important as iced tea, and as interchangeable. As if you could put a glass of tea and a glass of wine in front of me and ask me to choose one, and the sense memory of the wine would have absolutely no impact on my choice. It's surreal because cognitively you know where you've been in your relationship with alcohol, and you just find it a little hard to believe you feel this way, but you do.

I am not yet experiencing these feelings 100% of the time, but know I will as I continue to ramp up on Topa. I feel like my relationship with alcohol is this giant white board I've finally learned to stop writing on with permanent markers. I am no longer trying to find the right solvents to dim and erase the years and years of broken promises I made to myself.

I am by no means completely over the hump of this thing. Only yesterday I had a twinge of a craving. My reaction to it, however, kind caught me off guard. I laughed. Really. I laughed out loud. But what a testament to how far we can come, and how quickly...to be able to laugh at something that merely six weeks ago would have sent my blood pressure soaring.

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HadEnough