Hi Fallen, what a great story you have to share. Congratulations on your 7 months of sobriety and 1.5 years + of smobriety. You are proof that this can be done!
Thank you also for sharing the story of friendships for a reason / season / lifetime. I haven't been reminded of that idea for a very, very long time. And yet I believe it is true, gives a good way of viewing the many, many people we meet in forums like this one. We will no doubt develop relationships of all three kinds - and all are important to our journeys.
I am only on AF Day 2 (well, technically I started Day 3 at 3PM CST!
) But I hope I can join you in this thread because my goal is long term abstainance. I've had a couple of false starts beginning with a 60 day AF stretch from early July '07 - early Sept. '07. I was really starting to love my AF life and be happy in it. And then the Beast tricked me into thinking I could have just one drink. For those who are able to moderate - that's great. But this fall and the subsequent one showed me that I cannot EVER drink. I can't entertain those thoughts. After falling on a very happy day in September, it took me until Nov 1 to get back on the wagon. That's one heck of a too long fall. That AF stretch only lasted a week. Mr. Doggy and I got in a argument, and the Beast once again convinced me to use that as an excuse to not care if I drank. And there I was, drinking daily again until March 13 at 3PM when I poured it all out.
I have to fight this Beast with everything I've got. I'm sure I'm damaging my health, and I'm throwing away my life one day at a time. I've written quite a lot about this in "My New Story Starts Here" in the stories section. I'm already being somewhat repetitive but LOL no reason to go WAY over the top! Here I am, and I don't want to drink any more.
I too quit nicotine just over one year ago. I am SO glad to be rid of that demon. My desire for alcohol escalated after I quit smoking. But things were so bad between Mr. Doggy and me over my smoking that I was actually entertaining suicidal thoughts from time to time. (Mr. Doggy quit about 2 years before me, and understandably got really sick of the stench, my hacking cough, etc. etc.) It was difficult and the first couple of months were sheer hell. But it was SO worth it. I rarely think of smoking now. I can't wait to get over the hurdle where I don't think about drinking all the time either.
And yet I know the lifelong vigilance will be required with both of these additions. I never consider myself a non-smoker or non-drinker. I equate those terms to people who have never smoked, or people who never were problem drinkers. These people never have a reason to reach for a cigarette or with for a cocktail to handle a problem, or to celebrate the day, or to buy time to think, etc. They have other coping mechanisms and smoking / drinking don't occur to them.
As an ex-smoker and ex-drinker, I know that to some degree I will always need to be prepared for some level of thought - no matter how mile or strong - of using these addictions as coping mechanisms long into the future. While I would never presume to tell anyone else what terminology they should use, I am trying to re-program myself as an ex-smoker and ex-drinker so I never forget that danger will always be present for me in a way that is NOT the case for Never-Smokers / Never Problem Drinkers.
FA, I look forward to getting to know you better - one step at a time. Do you plan to come her and sort of check in each day? If so, I'll be happy to join you for a daily step if you'll have me.
Thanks for starting this!!
DG
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