I had to do it finally. I have no idea if I will actually stop drinking. It has gotten to the point where I am terrified of this addiction and terrified of myself. I do not feel I have any control anymore. I am really scared but I really want to stop. I had 3 bottles of beer left of a 6-pack and they are now gone. I thought in my head it would symbolize my desire to stop and somehow help me quit to just pour them down the toilet.
My life has just become one big "When can I have my next drink?" I have 2 amazing children that I don't feel I deserve, I don't know how they are so amazing with an alcoholic for a mother. I feel myself losing my temper with them and they do not deserve a drunk for a mom so I have to stop this.
Like many stories on here, none of my friends, even my husband, knows how much I drink. Even I probably don't know, I mean, if I really kept track of it all, it would probably sicken me. I just have to stop this and I'm so scared I can't.
Thanks for listening.
