[cuckoosnest83]

To All My Friends At MWO, I’m writing this now because I have been on this site 10 months and have yet to really open up in the open forum about my drinking. Although I don’t like labels I guess I am best categorized as a functional alcoholic. I have maintained a position with the same company for 34 years while being promoted during that time. Sixteen of these 34 years I was drinking every night. My preference was gin and tonic. I had a willing partner in my ex although he could limit his drinking to 1 or 2 drinks a night. This past week and especially tonight I’m having a very rough go of it because it was one year ago today that my ex-boyfriend came home and announced to me after 16 years together “that we had a good run of it, but he thought it was time to end the relationship.” Despite our having our issues this came totally out of left field for me. He never once identified my drinking as a cause for the breakup even though I pushed him for an answer. I joined this site after he left and tried very hard to abstain from drinking but with only limited success. I do owe a huge debt of gratitude to this site for allowing me to obtain more AF days in 10 months than I had achieved in 16 years. Tonight I’m feeling very sad and lonely and wondering, but also knowing, what I could have done differently. When I joined this site 10 months ago it was with the intention that by this time of year I would be AF and that has not happened. I realized this weekend after much introspection, crying, feeling sorry for myself, and drink that I need to be held accountable for my sobriety. The reason I am writing this now is that, tonight I want to allow myself to cry and feel sorry for myself but after tonight I don’t want that any longer. I will have been on this site one year come the end of September and I want to publicly state that I want to achieve AF by that time. I will use any means within my disposal to do this. By stating this in an open forum I feel I will be held accountable by myself and each and every one of my MWO friends and I truly plan on not letting myself or you down. This has been a tough year for me but I have a very hard time opening up and letting people know when I am hurting. I want to thank RJ, MWO, but especially the members of this site for their experiences, willingness to share, understanding, compassion, but most of all their openness which allows us to express our feelings without worrying about being judged or condemned. Thank you all so much. I couldn’t do this without you.
Cucks