[Doggygirl]

Sweetpea, I'm sure you feel very cornered right now. The discussion with your husband re: drinking reminds me of the very ugly time I had with my husband over smoking. (he quit about 1.5 years before I did). He was SICK of the stench and SICK of listening to me hack and cough during the night and badly every morning, etc. I was beside myself like a cornered rabbit when he started the "you are choosing nicotine over me" stuff. WHAAA??? I smoke when we met! I never promised I would quit! That felt very stressful and horrible. (he felt the same way about my drinking - he was never a big drinker - but he picked the battle that was bothering him the most of my Two Big Addictions)

I can look back now - almost 1.5 years after quitting smoking - and realize that *I* was the one being selfish and unfair - not him. I WAS choosing nicotine over him. He spoke the truth - I just didn't want to hear it. He DID NOT want to watch me kill myself with cigarettes and take care of a sick old woman with emphasyma. And that's what I was setting him up to have to do.

These addictions tend to be very, very selfish. We don't like to admit that when we are in the heat of pressure from our loved onces, but IMO that is The Truth.

I quit smoking because my husband IS more important to me that cigarettes. And while he did not pressure me to quit drinking in the same way, I feel very good about my decision to make my health and sobriety a high priority - that means I can be a better wife and friend and partner to him.

I wish you the very best as you sort this out and I encourage you to REALLY look at things from the other point of view. We CAN stop the madness and improve our lives and relationships.

Hugs to you,

DG
Day 68 AF