Oh Beth I am so sorry that you are still struggling. I so wish I could give you a magic pill that would make this go away, but I can not. I can only tell you that you are too special to just give up.
I too struggled for well over a year (although not a member the whole time) before this AF streak I am on. I will never say I have beat it because I know too well that I will always need to be on guard. My point is that I felt exactly the way you did for well over a year. It is heartbreaking.
I also know that you must continue to fight this. I know that you have antabuse and I know that you choose not to take it at times. You may no longer have an option. You must do whatever it takes to beat this. You have a great family and while you must do this for you, they deserve to have you there for them and at your best.
I know that you know all of this but I need to remind you that you must fight. you must use any and all tools that you can to continue to fight.
Beth, I am here for you anytime. If you want to have lunch or talk we can do that anytime. I'll Pm you my cell number in case you don't still have it. Please call if you need to and keep fighting.
Patti
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