[Mags]

Ah yes, Zen

You and I seem to be soul mates once again. I do remember those (what seemed like) endless days of puking with dry heaves all day long. I remember the blood also. I remember my eyes popping out of my head from the pressure. So what did I do? I drank more to get over the anxiety. Thank God those days are gone.

I also remember our recent conversation and how you really inspired me. That is my past. What I have now is my future. I don't plan on coming on this site much anymore because as much as I love the people here, it puts me back in my past. Do you know what I mean?

I know I still need some of my past to remind me where not to go again. But I don't want to live in it. I don't want to think about alcohol or not drinking every day. I just want to live free every day. I'm at a turning point in my life professionally and I don't even want to think about alcohol ever again. I just want to see my future and alcohol is not in the equation at all either as a negative or a positive.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. Thanks for listening anyway.