[4theboyz]

Everyone has their own reasons for why they find comfort with booze. For me I didn't quite realize it was a problem for me until my body started screaming out in pain. My nightly martinis or a bottle of good wine was more ceremony and celebratory of leading a seemingly good life I was supposed to lead for my wife, kids and coworkers.

I did what I was supposed to do and supposed to *like* doing since it was I after all who had made these choices in life of career, wife and children. I made those necessary sacrifices to get it all done the way it was supposed to be done. Having those martinis took away the sadness of not having time anymore for those things I enjoyed doing for so many years, those friends I grew up hanging out with at a moments notice, the guitar that used to sing out loudly at any hour of the day, the leisurely workouts at the gym all swept aside by the busy schedule of my adult life.

Al, once merely an acquaintance, became my best friend and over time, my only friend. AL was a good friend always there for me. AL was my new thrill ride that quickly and effectively erased the stress, boredom and loneliness of days and dreams gone by. AL also made sure I didn’t notice the disappointment of my wife and kids as I fell asleep in the easy chair watching TV, or when I was “too tired” to go play outside. AL made sure I failed to see the significance of the concern behind the words “are you OK to drive?” AL would faithfully erase the agony of a hard day at work made all the more painful from the previous nights drinking.

For far too many years, AL coexisted in my life, AL woke up with me, had breakfast, lunch and dinner with me, went on vacation with me, went out to dinner with me and went to bed with me. Today I know the damage and destruction AL has caused my life and I know I’ll never get those days, weeks and years back. So, I come here seeking answers, comfort and support for what I know I need to continue to do.

It is hard, some days are harder than others especially since AL still wants to be my friend. AL seems to be everywhere which can make some days out right miserable. Supplements and meetings won’t erase away these temptations, and forums, chats and e-mails fade away the moment you move away from the computer.

I guess I didn’t expect abstaining from booze to be this hard. For the most part, I have succeeded in what I set out to do and today I logged my 124th day AF - unfortunately not all in a row but AF days none the less. I only wish to be finally free from the allure and draw of the alcohol that once comforted me so. But I forge on and each AF day gives me renewed strength to do it again, one more day AF. This daily grind and struggle has created a special kinship with many wonderful people here and together we move forward forever hopeful of making it one day at a time.