[A Work in Progress]

Hi everyone, terribly difficult situations each of us is in... as well as our parents... My mother is 88, has always been extremely difficult to get along with, and a drinker. My father committed suicide 12 years ago (much heavier drinker than my mother). I have no siblings. Mother has macular degeneration, has survived three primary cancers, and has just been diagnosed with dementia (mild, very likely Alzheimer's). After a horrible 5 weeks with my mother in hospital, and then a nursing home, I found that there is a profession called Professional Geriatric Care Managers, and that helped me immensely. If you (or your parents) can afford to hire such a person, it is amazingly helpful. These people (usually nurses, sometimes social workers, but I would much prefer a nurse because of all the medical issues) can coordinate ALL of the needs of the elderly person, help navigate the whole system, get in-home care, get placement in the proper facilities if they can't stay home, monitor medication... etc.

Now that I have my mother home (her house, not mine, just a few blocks away from me), with in-home care and this care manager person, things are better... but my mother (there is no situation so bad she cannot make it worse) is beginning to raise hell, ranting and raving at the caregivers... accusing them of stuff they did not do... my fear is that she will be SO awful that I will lose the care manager person, in which case I would quickly become suicidal...

I am 56 and it seems ALL my buddies are also women who are dealing with elderly parent issues, and every single person says: This is the hardest thing I have ever done. It certainly contributed to my drinking over the last several years, while my mother has been a toxic and nearby presence in my life... much more so after she went into the hospital. I am so glad I am now dealing with it WITHOUT the alcohol...

DG, thanks for starting this thread.

wip