DG and all of us who have aging parents. DG I hope when your dad gets home and once your mom has to deal with the stairs, etc. she will want to modify her lifestyle and hopefully will have some influence. My father is 85, in diapers and in a nursing home with demntia too, it's a very nice nursing home, but, it's awful to see him. Luckily he is a very compliant gentleman who chose the nursing home to being a burden on his family.
I would also encourage you to find the financial status, it was easy for us, because my dad was compliant, but perhaps your mom can appeal to him out of fairness for BOTH of them going forward.
If your brother is out of town, the social workers have names for them SOTS - sons out of town and DOTs, daughters out of town, who often have completely unrealistic ideas than the DIT's and the SIT's, who are there.
Good Luck to you and everyone who is facing this sad situation.
