((((Rachelita)))
First of all
That took guts spilling it all like that. Know you will be heard here and NOTHING you have done, felt, said, experienced, has not been shared with many at MWO. Bulimia is a coping mechanism as is alcohol for blotting out the pain. We all have done things while drunk that we would take back in a New York minute if we could. Beating yourself up for it will get you nowhere.
I truly hope you will get to rehab. it sounds like you are at rock bottom and there's only one way to go up hon! Do stick around, you will find amazingly supportive people here, we ask that you be honest, be open and be respectful, and it would be best if you started with respecting yourself. You will have to learn to forgive yourself too.