Froggie - you can have a pity party all you want to. Your posts about what happened years ago are probably the saddest I have read on here. It was a very traumatic thing you went through. Not only that; you have been through Hell and back in your life.
Whoever asked 'Why are you bringing this up now?' can just bugger off. Seriously. This is a part of your past, in which is causing so much pain for you. Keep talking away - it is healthy and healing.
My suggestion would be to see a grief counsellor. You are still grieving and you need to forgive yourself and let go. You can't change the past but you can start to live again, today.
Many
's for you my friend.