Hey Sassy,
The self-loathing does go away, but only if you don't allow it an oppertunity to get back in.
I spent many years hating myself and not caring if I woke up next day or not. I really did not like what I had become. I wasn't a bad man, or have evil thoughts or anything like that. I simply could not control myself around alcohol.
I would wake in the morning and go to work still drunk from the night before, conducting my day with the usual efficiency; having a laugh with my colleagues (the construction industry allows for this), go home, have my dinner and then start on the vodka. The next day was often the same, and social events were just excuses to get totally legless. I have woke up in fields, strange houses and different towns with no recollection of how I got there. Your boyfriend seems to be OK with what happened, but maybe not if it keeps happening again and again.
A lot of us here have great self-esteem issues. I know I do. I've never been confident and consider myself unworthy of most of the good things in life, but since getting a better grip of myself, I find that I'm not the waster that I always believed I was. I still have problems with feelings of inadequacy.
It's all a matter of balance. Most people who drink overdo it occasionally. I overdid it usually. Now I'm getting to the place where I only overdo it now and then....not great, but not too bad either. It will take most of us a while to find our balance. Don't feel too bad. Take what you can from the experience and use it the next time you need it. It will take time to get where you want to be, but you can get there; never forget that.
Take care.
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Popeye.
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