Marbella, I think most of us feel like that. I do the EXACT same as you have done - take the Antabuse, slowly but surely get healthier and forget the abuse AL did to me. The healthier I feel, the stronger I feel. I then, stop taking the Antabuse thinking that I can control this addiction on my own. WRONG! I end up falling back to my old patterns. Maybe I won't have to depend on it forever - but for now, I need it.
I'm not sure whether or not you need professional help, however I think the very fact that you consider it and that you can admit that this is "madness" speaks volumes. Most people that really need the professional help cannot recognize that they need it. They are in a vicious cycle of denial.
Hopefully we eventually destroy the crutch. Until then, Antabuse is a great weapon against it.
