Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunbeam
When I have a drink, it is always because I choose to have one to celebrate an occasion, or to socialize.
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Sunbeam,
If I'm correct you're saying you don't ever like to think that you're having a drink because you "deserve" it but because you choose to have one on a special occasion.
I guess I'm not sure if we're just getting hung up on the semantics with the "I deserve it." thinking.
To clarify for others I'm going to cut and paste Work In Progress (WIP's) article. I do like what she wrote but I'm choosing to try to lead my life as a moderator of drinking. If I were completely trying to abstain then I agree 100% with what she's written. But as someone who is learning to enjoy 2-5 drinks a week I'm having trouble giving up the "I deserve it" thinking. I have to be honest and say that I feel like I do deserve it and it is a reward after a week of total sobriety. I enjoy that fine wine or two on a Friday and/or Saturday night. And if I could drink at home and chose instead to enjoy my wine because it calmed me after a rough day (like Sara did) I personally don't see that as being any different than me going out to dinner and enjoying my wine with my meal and conversation with hubby.
Anyway, good to share our thoughts and opinions. I mean, I really do like WIP's thinking of getting out of the "I deserve it" mode but once again, feel that's the lingo that abstainers need to wrap their brains around. Not sure I can. Here's her wonderful article and it will be good for newbies to read as well. Especially anyone struggling with modding versus abstaining. Very good info here.
Quote:
Do You "Deserve" a Drink, Today?
I can't count the number of times I have seen someone come here and write a post in which s/he says that s/he has relapsed, or "slipped," because s/he had been doing well for a while, and decided that s/he "deserved" a drink.
And our alcoholic thinking does this to us. It totally bypasses the memory of the devastation, humiliation, and destruction that alcohol has brought into our lives, and it presents alcohol as a GOOD thing, a prize, a reward, something we want to give ourselves for a job well done.
I don't think we can begin to truly grow into a successful, lifetime, AF plan until we have managed to make the shift in our thinking from the "Deprivation Mode" to the "Gratitude Mode."
In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink."
In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.
Most of us start a recovery program in deprivation mode. Some people stay there forever. Those people tend not to be able to create a consistently successful program, or life, of freedom from alcohol and its devastation. Some of us transition into gratitude mode.
For most of us, Gratitude Mode does not just happen all by itself. We have to make it happen. If we want to shift into gratitude mode, we learn to cultivate it. We cultivate it by being careful about our thoughts, and about what we notice. If we find ourselves thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a drink, we deliberately shift attention away from this train of thought, and we deliberately choose to think about how good it is to know we will never humiliate ourselves with alcohol again, never again have another horrible hangover, never disappoint our children again with the way we are when we get drunk. We notice alcohol advertising, pay attention to how it makes us feel, and detach from the message by noticing how distorted the message is.
That kind of thing is crucial. We literally can BUILD a new way of thinking and feeling about things. And I think that's something to be grateful for, in itself!
wip
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Eve11
Addendum: I wanted to add that there
does need to be a balance and I understand Sunbeam that you're saying that. If we go around with out of control "I deserve a drink" thinking we can think we need a drink for the most foolish of reasons (as in your story about the dog's paws). So, I get that. Thanks for your input and getting our brains churning. :-)