annoyed

[1967]

okay so... i need to vent just a tad.

i moved to my dad's a couple weeks ago and all is fine.
a couple nights a week he drinks whiskey.. i'm fine.. not tempted but starting to get annoyed w/it.
when he drinks he gets all chatty. starts coming into my part of the house to talk some crap to me about what's on tv and dumb commercials.
he's my father, i have to be respectful, but COME ON!

i'm used to living alone and he knows it. every time i live w/him he thinks he's going 'break me of this.' i doubt it.
i'm not sitting around watching televison! i either have work to do on the computer or i'm going to read. pretty harmless, no?

any ideas?
this friday will be week 6 AF for me. Yesterday was a trigger afternoon... I was at work and got into a fight w/three of the guys doing construction at our school. they couldn't find something they "left on the floor." so sorry... don't leave important items on the floor and come tell me off when it gets thrown away.
stupid is as stupid does, isn't that the saying?
anyhow... i didn't do anything besides get really pissed off.
i'm still irritated clearly.

[lorisunshine]

Hi 1967,

Good for you on your 6 weeks AF, it's a great achievement.

Did you say you are living in your father's house?

I still had a mother less than 2 years ago. She used to come visit my house and got all chatty etc. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I had dropped that mouse and had taken my paws off the keyboard and paid some attention to my mother. Sure, it was inconvenient but in the grander scheme of things it did not matter one iota if I had spent 15 minutes and really listened to what she had to say.

If being around the booze bothers you, then an open, friendly mention that you are trying to cut back would go a long way to solve that.

Time is running through our fingers like water, make the most of the time that you have left with your father. It will warm your heart once he is gone.
Wishing you all the best on your journey to sobriety.
Hugs
Lori

[Popeye]

Hi 1967,

I went to stay with my dad for a couple of months during a particularly difficult time in my life. He doesn't drink, but he knows I have a problem as I'm quite open about it. He was so full of self-righteous bullshit. I just nodded and agreed as I had to; it being his house and all. He's ex-military and has been on my back since the day I was born. Eventually, I had to leave. I couldn't take it any more. He doesn't know how I feel about him; I am always polite and respectful but I'm a grown man. I ended up spending months sleeping on my brothers couch in less than ideal conditions rather than have to be talked at like I was a simpleton. I love him but he makes me so angry.
That's my rant for the day.
Thanks.

[A Work in Progress]

Being around a parent who drinks can be VERY difficult. I understand what Lori is saying... but these situations can be complicated by alcohol use... my own mother tries her best to persuade me to drink with her... she is 88 and I just have to stay away as much as possible during her drinking hours, which means I very rarely have dinner with her, and she is accordingly very lonely during dinner-time and cocktail time... She is very angry and bitter about that. She has NO empathy or understanding for my situation. My father ultimately killed himself... after living with her and drinking with her for 60 years....

I hate all of this situation, and will suffer all kinds of guilt and regret and sadness when she dies... but sometimes you have to make horribly difficult choices to save your own life/sanity.

wip

[one2many]

1967,

Sorry you are having a hard time. To be honest, it seems like your dad is enjoying the company and having you there...so he follows you around, trying to make conversation, maybe he is a bit lonely and when he has a few drinks, it makes him chatty and he wants to spend time with you (my father also talks about stupid stuff when he comes to visit...complete crap but I have to smile and nod and listen...but then he goes home again)..not so in your case.

Maybe if you explain to him that you don't mind spending a hour or so with him in the evening, for a quick chat etc....but then you have a lot of work to do and you would appreciate if he left you to it. Tell him, you love him and enjoy spending time with him but the work you have to do is important and you lose your train of thought when you are disturbed.Maybe suggest having a little dinner with him a couple of nights per week and then when finished tell him goodnight and you have to go do your work and you will see him in the morning.

I can understand how frustrated it must be making you and I really hope you can come to a happy compromise with your Dad.

Popeye, You defo did the right thing by leaving your Fathers house...Nobody has the right to make you feel like that. My guess is, he is trying to "help" you in his own way but driving you away with his attitude.
I commend you for being polite and respectful, not always easy in that situation and just shows your strength of character.
Sadly, we can choose our friends but we cannot choose our family.....all we can do is our best to deal with the situation and love them anyway!

Love,

o2m

[one2many]

Cross posted WIP, i totally agree...our own safety and sanity are paramount!

[1967]

hi again... i do feel like a bitch for complaining about my father. (seems pretty ungrateful,,, i knew this would be an adjustment) (i moved to his house because otherwise i'll never be able to buy my own house)
he is lonely and does enjoy my company! me, i'm not really sure why?
i do eat dinner with him. actually i cook, i clean, i take out the trash... even when i'm trying to do this he wants me to sit and talk. for christ sake he is retired, i'm not. i tell him "dad,,,, please let me finish what i'm doing."
adding the whiskey just makes him think it's a good idea to come into my art studio while i'm working.
and... by the way... i'm actually working! not fooling around on the computer.
once my job starts in 3 weeks i imagine things will get better.
he knows how busy i get... work all day and then it takes 2-3 more hrs at home in the evening.
honest... i'm not being a cold hearted wench... !

popeye... i feel for you! i know exactly what ur talking about!! my dad doesn't criticize me... he does tease me though... and does spend a lot of time criticizing the rest of the world. talking about world and local politics! i'm a painter for goodness sake! i wish he would just talk to me about art!!!

[one2many]

You are not being cold hearted at all 1967...I'd imagine it drives you absolutely mental.......I can only compare it to the kids when I am trying to get something done and they are buggin the hell out of me lol.....AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.

I feel your pain...but at least I can put them to bed!

Hopefully it will get better when you get back to work!

[1967]

and don't think i'm a loser for moving home.
i only make 40K and the real estate market is not in line w/the local salaries.
the majority of decent housing is priced as 2nd family vacation homes (even 2 bedroom apts). meaning there isn't much available for under 400K. the median sale price is closer to 500K. i'm trying to be practical... renting for the rest of my life isn't a practical housing solution!

i've not created a traditional life, family etc., because i was committed to my life as an artist.
at least that part is established!

[one2many]

1967..you are not a loser by any means,in fact you are being very clever about it....paying rent is not a practical solution.

I have numerous friends who live at home with their parents, In fact some of them have never moved out...(popular thing in Ireland)....it is so hard these days to get on the property ladder..near damned impossible.

I admire you, you are an artist, you are doing what you love and that to me is priceless! You are committed and you are doing what is right for you...so many of us never get to do that. ....never lose sight of that...you are doing things your way to get to where you want.....I commend you for that.

Best of luck,

o2m