Drinking Thinking

[Janice]

After 120 days I've been modding since 26th June. I've been doing good, feeling happy, positive and well in control and confident with my decision. I've been getting plenty of exercise, swimming every morning, eating healthily and really getting into my decorating and gardening. Life has been good.

Drinking wise there's been no excess. No getting drunk. No hangovers. No drinking weekdays, weekends only and no secret drinking, only with my husband. I've felt quite proud that I've been able to feel "normal" if you know what I mean!!

All was going to "plan" until this weekend. Last night the drinking thinking was back in my head. The wanting. Don't know where the hell it came from and today I knew I was watching the clock, waiting to suggest our first drink. I found myself very much aware of how much wine I had left in my glass and thinking how much more could I have. Last night I had a sleepless night and for the first time in months was up and down to the loo (I had 3 glasses of wine).

Not a disaster I know, but enough to scare me. I'm at the top of that slippery slope and I'm damned if I'm going down there and throwing away my hard earned 120 days all for nothing.....so as of tomorrow I'm back on the AF path. Bad decision I made maybe in June, and I'm back with my tail between my legs admitting that, but I do know the decision I'm making tonight is the right one.

I had a bonfire tonight in the garden with all my garden rubbish. As the rubbish burnt and the fire died down I thought it had gone out. I put some more dry twigs etc on and the flames came from nowhere and my fire was raging again. It occurred to me this was a
bit like trying mods after abstaining.......that flame is still there. Day 1 for me tomorrow, back to it.

Janicexxx

[A Work in Progress]

Wow, Janice, that is a perfect image... the fire re-gaining full flame after smoldering quietly. That's exactly how it has always been for me... periods of drinking "moderately" or periods of AF, feeling fine, and then the internally felt compulsion comes right on back, full force.

It's fantastic that you are self-aware enough to see what was happening without getting sucked back into the entire cycle. Good for you!

wip

[Beck]

Janice,

Thank you for your honesty!!! I knew you would be able to stop again if things felt wrong. Good for you.

Much love,
Beck

[time2change]

Janice
I'm so glad you saw this before it was too late. I think you have made a wise decision to start AF again. Do not put your tail between your legs though. You should hold you head high. Many have not been able to see the error of their ways until it was too late. Thanks for the reminder of how easy it is to slide down that slope again.

[Janice]

Thanks for the support......just have to get past my first weekend next week but its a busy one seeing mam and god bless her, she will give me all the motivation I need to get by. Janicexxx

[Marshy]

It's great that you're so honest with yourself and can recognise the danger. I know that if I tried to mod now (ever?) it would be a disaster but I'd probably try to convince myself I was in control.
Good for you!

[Loppy lugs]

Think you know what is best for you.

I know I couldn't begin to moderate because I would immediately slip back into heavy drinking. It would have been a lot quicker than the month or two it took you.

Hoping it all works out well for you and that you are as happy as you can be with the arrangements for your Mum.

Keep well

[Chief]

Janice....it's The Beast digging his roots in.....

You know what you have to do...

Don

[Cinders]

Janice,

I am so impressed and overwhelmed with gratitude that you did not start on the steep side of that slippery slope and keep going.

You are one incredible lady!!

Love,
Cindi

[Doggygirl]

Janice, I am so happy that you saw the slippery slope and had the wisdom and self control to STOP before sliding back in. AL is a sneaky one. I love the fire / embers analogy.

DG