July 15 - Tues. - Daily Thread

[retteacher]

Friends:

I'm up very early & thought I'd start this thread. I've been feeling much more in touch w/myself. I function so much better in the world when I'm not in a fog or recovering from one.
-I'm able to think through situations that used to upset me.
-I'm not trying to control other people.
-I'm trying to keep the focus on myself.

I can see that in order for me to have a quality life, I must continue to strive for abs. One drink is enough for me to be tipped over into a binge.

If you're struggling in any way, please don't give up. I've had some slips in my year here at MWO, but I always tried to come back afterwards, own up, & get right back into it. As Janice said once, "this isn't a contest...it's my life." I'm finally feeling in control of my life, & that feels good.

I could never, ever have gotten this far wo/MWO. I would have gotten worse & worse. Pre-MWO, I was drinking 3 - 4 large bottles of wine per week. I probably would gradually have gotten up to 1 per day & added a little vodka on top. My heart would be pounding all the time, & I'd feel obssessed & guilty.

That's no way to go through life.

Thanks everyone, Mary

[Doggygirl]

Hi to all the abbers today, and also hello from yesterday too.

Mary and Beck and all others who say a scuffle with hubby led to drinking. Yep. Now that I don't drink in response to scuffles (or anything) now, I've noticed a couple of things. 1) there are less scuffles. 2) I don't blow things up in my head like I used to with AL in the middle of it. Makes it much easier to work through differences and come to agreements without AL.

Cowgal it's great to see you - I admire that no matter what, you choose to stay in the fight and that is good. The bedroom is my haven too - the one place in the house where I never smoke or drank - so a good "hide out" for a bad day.

Deter that sounds like a brain burner of a 4th of July party (fighting AL all the way) and 4tbz, your Sunday as well. Glad you both made it through!! 4tbz, I had to smile at your brief description of watching your bowling friends drink beer....had a similar experience Sunday at a dog show watching my friends drink. Initially it looked like fun, but as time wore on, I could see they were all getting to a "next stage" that is not so fun....either getting too buzzed and acting silly, or just wanting a nap but you can't - still lots of the day left. I was glad to have a couple AF beers and be sober.

So Beck, what did you end up with for a rain plan yesterday? I hope the weather is sunny today so you can go with Plan A for the rest of VBS week.

Welcome Renegade! Congrats on getting through Day 1.

Day 55 here and I am keeping a sharp eye out for AL and the 60 Day BS that he dished to me previously at this point. (the "just one" lies, etc.) Not this time.

It feels great to be HF today. AF today = HF tomorrow!

DG

[4theboyz]

Good Morning Abbers!!

Thank you Mary for starting the day today with conviction and fortitude. Yes, it is not a contest and just one is one too many for me as well.

The commonality of our struggles and the solace of our victories triumphs shared within these halls here at MWO is what keeps me coming back here every day.

Another crummy night of sleep again, but I'd rather be tired and "think" through these issues that keep me awake than to drown them with a quick fix like I used to. A super hot summer day will take the edge off of anything that might threaten my otherwise positive mood.

Have a super great AF day today everyone!!

4tb

[retteacher]

4tb: I am a pretty poor sleeper as well. That was one of the reasons I began problem drinking in the first place. Usually I can't get to sleep, but last night I got to sleep only to wake up at 4 am. However, as I've said before, I'd rather feel tired & sober than hungover & stressed out from a drunken, fitful sleep.

Stay well everyone.

Mary

[Beck]

Good Morning!!!

Lots of us up early today. I've got a lot on my plate today and yet I'm bored. I can be both busy and bored at the same time. Used to lead to a lot of drinking. Still something I contend with. I've never been a good sleeper...restless. Sometimes I take melatonin but then I feel groggy in the morning - my melatonin hangover - that's not fun either.

Mary, I have had my share of "just one" thoughts lately. Do I know that I can't have just one at this point? - not really. My instinct tells me it is just not a good idea and I go with that.

DG - you are right about the fighting with husb thing. I can approach rationally and with no guilt - I used to let things slide by b/c I felt 'less than" and of course the drinking made me that way. Now I am much quicker to confront - not sure if husb is real happy about this

4tb, hope you get a good nights sleep soon.

Renegade - You are right - some days are easier than others. Be well.

[retteacher]

Beck: Boredom was a big one for me too. Sundays during football season (hubby watching TV) was when I was especially vulnerable. I haven't felt that for a while. As far as "just one": I know that's impossible for me...absolutely impossible. I'd go off the deep end & be back at square one. Mary

[charlee]

Morning all
Looking back at the way I dealt with hubby issues, I now see that what I thought was making me bolder, more assertive, was in fact just plain nastiness.....sounded good (I thought when the words came out of my mouth), but it was the booze talking..just plain hurtful and nasty.
I am now able to have more meaningful discussions, and yes, there are fewer arguments. I haven't "yelled" in a long time, but able to get my point across.......
Long "to do' list today..will chip away at it and see what I can cross off that never ending list!
Hope everyone has a great day!!!

[Determinator]

Happy Tuesday ABenators!

great insightful posts as usual. a lot of discussion on communication/arguing which is interesting. I'm considerably more mellow and also don't let the little things bug me so much these days.
it's amazing how unstable al can make us.

big Woof! to Dogygirl on 55 days!

CS, if you're reading pop in and say hi ok?

the air is clearing up here I'm so happy to report....ah....breathing is good!

be well

[time2change]

Hi all Abbers-
I know I don't come here very often, but am always reading your thread and just wanted to check in.

Everyone seems to be doing so well and it really is great to read.

I have been finding that now that the fog is clearing (after 70 some odd days of not drinking) that I am finding all the feelings and emotions a little overwhelming. For me, I have used AL to numb feelings for a long time. How weird to actually not be numb all the time.

Weird in a great way, I might add. Now to just learn how to deal with the feelings and emotions. In my opinion this is a major reason for people to relapse. The inability to deal with the feelings. I know I will be sure to keep that in mind and not allow those feelings to overwhelm me. Thank you all for being on this thread and giving such great advice and support.

[DogLvr]

Mary - Your post is exactly what I needed to see tonight. Not giving up - but starting over again at Day one on July 16!

Hi all - checking in late - after about 4 weeks of being off the site. I made it to about 49 or 50 days - and then b-day hit. Haven't been awful since then - but defnitely don't feel as good as when I was abs.