July 23 - Wed. - Daily Thread

[retteacher]

It looks like I'm the first one to start this thread, unless someone is posting at the same time as I am. Anyhow, I just wanted to let everyone know that this thread is open to anyone who has a goal, regardless of how you think you are doing. I have had plenty of ups & downs, but I absolutely know in my heart that I'm knocking the booze beast out of my life...eventually for good. I think about my pre-MWO days & some of my daily habits often:
-drinking while cooking.
-drinking when husb was out somewhere or watching TV.
-drinking to excess when the AL was readily available.
-drinking while doing chores.
-drinking when guests were coming.
-drinking when upset or in conflict.
-etc.
Those old habits are gone.
-Yes, I've had slips in the year I've been here.
-Yes, those habits could come roaring back in the blink of an eye.

However, I really feel that w/diligence, I can keep them out of my life forever. If I didn't have MWO in my life, the very first slip would have put me right back where I was before I came here. I just wouldn't quit this site. It's been a lifesaver: reading & posting have turned the tide.

Please do not give up hope. Keep coming here regardless of what happened yesterday. That is if you want to stop or mod.

Good luck everyone. Mary

[4theboyz]

Good Morning Abbers!

Thanks for starting our day Mary and your post is a shining example of what I like best about this thread in that there is always someone here who will serve up thoughtful posts to remind us as to where we have been and what we have endured at one time or another. There are days (like today) where I have completely lost sight of the uglier things that AL once controlled in my life and reminders like your post are truly helpful to reflect upon.

I hope everyone has a great AF day today!

[Cinders]

Good Morning Abbers,

I am hanging on by a thread right now.

I am avoiding work and pray I do not lose my job. I am really struggling.

However, I am determined to stay sober today, no matter what.

Love,
Cindi

[retteacher]

Cindi: Keep hanging onto that thread! I can't give you advice as to your work, but I know that (for me) discussing my problems w/a trusted loved one helped. It opened options for me that I didn't know were there. I was in teaching at the same school for a quarter of a century, & I can tell you there were days I wanted a good escape. Unfortunately, the bottle was often the means.

4tb: I too forget all the negatives of drinking at times. I just know from experience that after I've finished the bottle, I NEVER feel better...ALWAYS worse. For one thing, MWO has spoiled drinking for me. I've posted & read too many of the truths about drinking to be able to fool myself into thinking it will do any good for me.

Good luck, Mary

[Doggygirl]

Hello absters and thank you Mary for getting the group started with great food for thought.

Yesterday Mr. Doggy said something interesting. It started with "I hope I don't offend you...." so of course I shut my mouth and braced myself LOL!! There is a woman who was brought into a high management position at one of our biggest clients who has been real trouble for most of the employees there and also many of the vendors like us. Her idea of "change" just means change everything without regard to what's broken or not. (many heads have rolled for no apparent reason) Anyway, she's difficult to say the least.

What Mr. Doggy didn't want to offend me about yesterday, was his assessment that he thinks she has a drinking problem. Of course Mr. Doggy has had 10 years to observe the behaviors of a problem drinker up close and personal. He said she smells like booze in the morning and doesn't function real well in the AM. (hangover??) She goes through mood swings during the day - sometimes in a better mood after lunch. (what's for lunch????) Goes grumpy again, but then mood starts getting better in the late afternoon (almost drinking time!!) and she's out of there like a rocket at 5PM. It was quite telling having ALL of these signs presented right there in my face even though he was not talking about me.

I AM SO GLAD I DON'T HAVE TO SPEND MY TIME HIDING THE ABOVE SYMPTOMS ANY MORE!!!!! That's what I am going to try not to forget today!! And yep 4tbz - I totally understand how our addicted brains push aside those ugly memories in favor of trying to get a fix today.

Cindi - PLEASE hang in there. I'm sure I've missed posts in other sections (haven't had much time for reading outside of the monthly abs area). Are you still not traveling? Is that causing a problem? Whatever the cause, I will be thinking of you and sending you good thoughts. You are going to Lenair soon, right? Hang on!!!

DG
Day 63 AFHF

[Janice]

Just popping in to say hi........Mary, as usual, you always hit the nail on the head. There's no way I want to return to those 'old habits' and although I have started drinking again, I am anxious to retain some of those new habits I learnt over those 120 days.......one being an ice cold tonic water and lemon on the patio!! Just had half an hour break on the patio and the tonic water was enough for me. Honest!!

love to everyone......Cindi, I need to read some old posts, hope you're okay?

Janicexxx

[retteacher]

Doggy: I too am so happy not to be in hiding any more. And yes, the hiding doesn't always keep everything under wraps (as evidenced by your husband's comments). The best part of abs is living life w/honesty & integrity. Mary

[Cinders]

Janice, DG, Mary, 4tB,

I am okay. I let AL sneak up on me because of the TN pain I am suffering. Well, and lets be honest, I am going to Lenair next week.

Kind of a last hurrah.

My last hurrahs have always been ugly. I mean really ugly.

This one is no exception. I have cuts and bruises and a badly hurt ego. I am so stupid.

I am hanging in there, though, for now and not going to do anything stupid until Lenair. Period. I would like to survive without much more bodily harm.

I am working my job and being productive. One foot in front of the other until next week.

Much love,
Cindi

[Sheepish]

Thank you Mary
Praying for you Cindi.
Struggling myself right now.
-Sheep

[retteacher]

Always, always come here & share (even just a little). It'll keep your goal in front of you. I've done my share of struggling & am definitely NOT out of the woods. However, when I total all the AF days & the drinking days I've had since MWO, the AF days win by a longshot. Keep coming. We're here all the time. Mary