Tuesday 19 August

[Loppy lugs]

Good morning all.

DG is at day 90 AF

Sorry I disappeared for a few days. I had intended to tell you all about it in advance but it was so outside my comfort zone that the anxiety was hitting me in waves and I couldn't breathe enough to sit at the computer and write about it.

I went on my first AF free holiday! I did it on my own and without antabuse!

I went to Finland brown bear spotting. I know you have loads of bears in the States but that is quite exciting for a Brit where our most dangerous animal is a badger. I didn't take the antabuse because I don't like taking drugs across borders. I was really anxious about that because antabuse has been a crutch since this started. Airports and planes without alcohol. Meeting strangers without a little help from the red wine club. I still get weepy thinking about it.

BUT I DID IT!

I'd never met any of the people of the trip before so when we were offered a glass of something (clear but I don't know what) I just said I don't and everyone took that as completely normal. It wasn't a boozy event anyway because you have to be so quiet in the hides but later back at the lodge or in the sauna etc everyone took it as natural that when they drank beer I drank water. Nobody asked me why I didn't drink. Over the entire time only one person asked me if I had ever drunk alcohol. It was no big deal for them. It seems that with normal drinkers alcohol just isn't a big thing. Yours or theirs!

It wasn't as easy as I make this sound but I did it. It actually helped telling everyone from the beginning that I didn't drink so that when I was really tempted when everyone else had a celebratory shot when we saw our first bear they gave me a shot glass with water in to make the toast so that I didn't feel left out.

The worst craving actually came when I was back home and stocking up the fridge. The craving was so bad in the supermarket (the wine section runs across the end of the meat and dairy section so that you can't avoid it) that I had real tunnel vision sort of anxiety. You have probably realised that emotions tend to hit me physically. Thankfully I was able to control my jelly legs and get out of there. Back home I restarted the antabuse, clearly I am not ready to do without it yet.

I am crying as I type this but it is happy (highly strung) tears. I had a great time and made some new friends. I am a little more hopeful that there is a life that I want to live when I have to struggle less with staying AF. I was beginning to fear... well so much I can't even begin to say.

Sound like everyone is enjoying the olympics. Team GB is doing well so three cheers for them.

Good to see old friends back on the thread.

Heading off now to do a mountain of ironing before I hit the office.

Thanks for listening folks.

[Doggygirl]

LOPPY!!!!!! :

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! You are making so much progress. You are braving lots of new territory and DOING IT!! Geez - I've got a tear in my eye just reading about it - and smiling. I'm sure it wasn't as easy as it might sound from the summary. But we know you a bit Loppy. There IS a wonderful life ahead of you with new friends and new adventures. Alcohol is a ball and chain.

I'm glad you are not shy about just keeping taking the antabuse as long as it is helping you stay sober, now that you are home. (I understand about not wanting to take drugs through airports - even legal ones!)

Did you get any pictures of the bears?

Thank you for the 90 Day bouncing smilie note!! I feel really really good about this.

Have a great day everyone!

DG
3 X

[charlee]

Morning all
DG...90 days...a big whoo-hoo to you!!!...You are truly an inspiration to both newcomers and oldies around here, we are lucky to have you...Congratulations...

Loppy - I too, am so happy for you!!!......I am sure it wasn't easy, probably very scary, but yes, you did it...I know you are feeling so proud of yourself and rightly so.......Ironing..yuk!!!!

Everyone to follow, have a great day!

[Wally22]

So glad you had a good time. It's great to get out of the familiar rut and try on a new lifestyle choice. Obviously for you it was a huge success. I can relate to returning to the old familiar and wanting to resume your comfortable and well worn groove.
Good for you that you resisted.
I don't see anything wrong with using antabuse to help you as you live your life AF.
Good on you for continuing. You are an inspiration to all us newbys!

[on my way]

Good morning,

LL, your trip sounds like a great time. I hope you were able to take a lot of photos. I am completely humbled by natures amazing creatures.
I know how hard it is to stay strong when around others who are drinking, you made a major accomplishment. I recently had a similar situation in which I did not fair so well, but I am trying again. LL, I see the antibuse not as a crutch but as a life preserver.

Kiddos are all off to school this morning, it is very quiet here. I have so much to catch up on in my house. I’ve actually considered hiring a cleaning person to help with the initial recovery cleaning; six kids can really trash a place quickly. The weeds in my veggie garden are doing well. The cucumbers and zucchini coming are producing faster than I can pick, eat or give them away. I sure miss good produce in the off season.

Det, hope you can go to Europe some day, we had a great time. We spent a lot of time wondering cathedrals, abbies and cemeteries. The history….fabulous!! Scotland was lovely, found some family history while there; it was fun to see where we originated. Guess I must be a true Scot….I liked haggis, tatties and nips, so did the kids.

Have a great day all!!

omw

[Beck]

Good Morning All,

I am in that mad dash to get the kids ready to head off to school next week. Don't know why their schools think they need oriented every year. Today, school supplies for the youngest 3...

Loppy!!! What you did is huge - really. I am so thrilled for you. There is an AF life that you want out there. I love the way your fellow travellers treated your non-drinking as no big deal. I do believe it is harder for the Brits - your drinks culture is different from ours. Back on the antabuse at home sounds like a good move. Continued success

DG - 90 Days already!!! Well it seems like it has flown by for me, anyway. I am happy for you.

Hello to Char and Wally,

[Beck]

OMW,
Cross posting - good to have you back. My kids go back to school next week. I can't wait. We lived in England for 4 years - kids loved those sacked monesatries - they love ruins. The kids used an expression "ABC tour" - as in Another Blooming Cathederal/Castle.

Now I'm off

[4theboyz]

Good Morning Abbers!

Wow so much activity already here today especially dear DG and her 90 days!! Such a hard earned achievement and an inspiration to us all!

Loppy I'm glad to hear you had such a great trip and did it all AF even while facing off with wild bears on top of it!! Sounds like you had a fantastic time!

OMW, I too *love* my homegrown veggies and today I brought a grocery bag of tomatoes in to work to give away.

I did want to let Doglvr know that to not be scared of the urges and triggers. By now you should be able to anticipate them and like Det suggested, get yourself a concoction to have on hand when you know these situations will arise. I have found Valerian root works for me and I will pop one with a glass of lemon water and I'm almost always worry free for the evening.

Charlee, Wally, Beck and everybody else out there, have a great AF day today!! We *can* do it one day at a time!

4tb

[Cinders]

Hello, Abbers!!

Loppy. I can understand the coming home and getting the huge craving. That has happened to me, too. You were on guard the whole time you were on your holiday and then when you got home you let your guard down a bit. Then it hit. You handled it much better than I did when I went through that. I got home and drank myself silly.

You, Loppy, deserve major kudos.

DG, 90 days!! Wow. You rock, girl!!! You rock!!!

Everyone else, I have to run, but hope all have a wonderful day!!

I have been sitting here in my hotel room putting off going to work. It is going to be a horrendous week work wise and I am a great procrastinator.

Love to all,
Cindi

[caysea]

Hi All
loppy great accomplishment! i just went through the same type of experience .I was on a rafting trip down the Colorado river last week and at the end of each day the normal drinkers would sit around and have a couple beers. I didn't bring any on the trip because I am AF .I was offered beers but told them I was on medication and couldn't drink. It didn't matter to them at all that I didn't drink.To them it was a non event that someone doesn't drink.To me the fact that I was able to enjoy life and people AF was as exhilarating as the trip itself.
Some info for the people starting out on the path of AF. I am 96 days AF I couldn't have placed myself in this situation when i was 20 -30-40-50- AF it seemed after 60 some odd days that I got my strength and confidence to be in situations that were around people drinking and not feeling a craving or trigger .Loopy I can feel exactly how you feel - incredible - being in this situation and winning the fight .When I first started I asked people with long time AF if it gets easier and they all told me yes.I couldn't believe them .For the people starting out stay with your plan the further from day 1 the easier it will be.Also stop and think if you are ready to place yourself in certain situations or pass on them for a while.
Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting