Drinking Thinking

[Janice]

After 120 days I've been modding since 26th June. I've been doing good, feeling happy, positive and well in control and confident with my decision. I've been getting plenty of exercise, swimming every morning, eating healthily and really getting into my decorating and gardening. Life has been good.

Drinking wise there's been no excess. No getting drunk. No hangovers. No drinking weekdays, weekends only and no secret drinking, only with my husband. I've felt quite proud that I've been able to feel "normal" if you know what I mean!!

All was going to "plan" until this weekend. Last night the drinking thinking was back in my head. The wanting. Don't know where the hell it came from and today I knew I was watching the clock, waiting to suggest our first drink. I found myself very much aware of how much wine I had left in my glass and thinking how much more could I have. Last night I had a sleepless night and for the first time in months was up and down to the loo (I had 3 glasses of wine).

Not a disaster I know, but enough to scare me. I'm at the top of that slippery slope and I'm damned if I'm going down there and throwing away my hard earned 120 days all for nothing.....so as of tomorrow I'm back on the AF path. Bad decision I made maybe in June, and I'm back with my tail between my legs admitting that, but I do know the decision I'm making tonight is the right one.

I had a bonfire tonight in the garden with all my garden rubbish. As the rubbish burnt and the fire died down I thought it had gone out. I put some more dry twigs etc on and the flames came from nowhere and my fire was raging again. A bit like trying to moderate but that flame is still there. Back on the AF path tomorrow.

Janicexxx

[ready2change]

Ah Janice...bless you for your honesty!! It has been said on here MANY times, that modding is hard work. I'm sorry AL fooled you. You sounded so good lately.

But high praise, for seeing what is happening, BEFORE it happens. We welcome you back to the ab's thread with open arms.

Your lesson will teach many to come. Thanks for sharing with us. We need more members like you.

R2C (formerly tkeene)

[Gyco]

wow u sound like me.9 months,family,FAMILY is disappointed ,not me ,i can stop,drives me nuts,i do this,i do tht, just had a conversation with my wife,WOW, i like u dont no how to think.thnx for your thread gyco

[boozehag]

hi Janice
I am modding too and I do notice that sometimes if I have a drink it totally hits the spot and I can feel that really strong pull into the dark side but other times nada I dont even think about it - it might as well be butter (which I love and could never give up) .... it totally depends on the circumstances. For me I think the addiction will never fully go away and the potential to be sucked into the vortex of AL (binge drinking) will always be there but as long as I can recognise it is and take steps (in my case eating stops it instantly) so I make certain I only have a drink if food is on the way or I have already ordered my food or if I am driving or other such controlling tactics.
I always have to stay one step ahead of myself.
It sounds like hard work but its not really and at least it takes away the will I wont I mind chatter.
Have a good day everyone.
BH (no more)