How do you moderate?

[crazygurl]

I'm quite new at all of this so forgive me if this has all been explained somewhere before. I just had some questions and thought this was probably the best forum to post under.

I usually drink something every night, about half a bottle of wine and then more on the weekends. That's too much for me and I don't like the way it makes me feel overall so I'm trying to give myself boundaries. Just tried doing 30 days without alcohol...went about two weeks good but then I slipped and had two glasses of wine. After that one slip I just went back into what I was doing before. The last few days (Fri,Sat,Sun) I polished off two and a half bottles of red again. I'm so upset and frustrated with myself.

The main question I had is, with the whole moderating thing, how does it work? Do any of you do it so that you won't drink anything all week, and then only have something on the weekends? Or do you drink one week and then have one week off? I am not sure what sort of boundaries I should shoot for long-term, and I want to hear about those of you who have successfully moderated and how it worked...and also, if you start "needing" and "craving" less as you drink less? Does it eventually take less to relax you, etc.

Thank you all so much. You're all amazing and I could spend hours on here just reading through all these threads. There is such a wealth of support on this site!!

[Waves 2]

Hi,
What a beautiful picture. How to mods? Not easy to answer cos everyone is different.

When I first joined here I began to exercise, read the book " My Way Out" took the advice contained therein, read lots of info on here and set myself limits with a points system. I had to achieve 10 points a week.

1 point for every walk ( proper walk - not to the fridge and back) and one for every mods / AF night.

It worked for me for a while and then, having cut down by a lot I did 30 days AF.

Yes the cravings do go weaker- but they are still there. I do not pace the floor anymore on an AF night but I have had one bender already this year so...

Good luck with whatever plan you come up with.

Waves

[crazygurl]

Thanks for that answer, Waves. It was really helpful and nice to hear from people who have already been there and done it.

Monday and Tuesday evenings went well, didn't have anything and hopefully tonight will be fine as well. I'm exercising again the evenings so that has been helping me. I'm worried about the long weekend here coming up (Anzac day). Hopefully I will be able to stay strong as I am tryin to get thru 30 days af.

Cheers.

[Leyla]

I highly recommend doing the 30 days. For me after I did the 30 days I felt so good, I really did not want to take any chances after that. I have been out with friends and had a glass of wine with dinner and was happy with that!!!!! What a great feeling. I started the program after reading Mywayout. Supplements, kudzu etc. The kudzu really worked for me to take the craving away. Exercise, exercise, exercise it helps. Knowing your triggers? Knowing what triggers you to overdrink? Mine are drinking alone and drinking at home. I just don't buy it anymore...at least for now....I'm not sure I trust myself at home with a bottle of wine yet. Remember not to beat yourself up too much and take one day at a time. If you want it enough you will find a way to do it!!! Good Luck

[Ask For Help]

Hey CrazyGurl:

Thought I'd respond to your post re: how to mods.

I agree with Waves, you need to decide what seems right for you.

I aLso agree w/ Leyla that a 30 day focus is a good idea. But in my humble opinion, it you "slip" it doesn't mean you have to start over at Day one. For example, you mentioned that you did 2 weeks AF then "slipped" and had two glasses of wine. Two weeks AF is a big accomplishment!

A strategy I used in my first 30 days was to to see how many AF days I could accumulate in 30 days? (Ans = 21) Using this strategy, if you really feel like having a drink, you will learn a lot about yourself and your triggers, and if you overall goal is mods, you'll have new information about how much feels right. I suggest using Drink Tracker for this first month or two, as it's very reinforcing to see those big fat "0"s .

Right now drinking 1/2 bottle / night and more on weekends seems like too much to you. You need to think about what would feel "right" for you. Some do M-F AF and mods on Fri/Sat/Sun. Some do only one or two drinks/month. Some have a goal of "not getting drunk". So you see there is wide variation.

There is a thread in this section called "What is Mods" that I think you will find helpful. I don't know how to attach the link in this post, but I'll look for it and see if I can direct you there.
Best to you!
Ask

[flyinhigh]

Originally Posted by Ask For Help

A strategy I used in my first 30 days was to to see how many AF days I could accumulate in 30 days? (Ans = 21) Using this strategy, if you really feel like having a drink, you will learn a lot about yourself and your triggers,

Hey gurl-
i am presently working with this idea, i was 13 days in March, and so far 14 in April, it has really taught me about my patterns and triggers...i am trying to achieve the 30 days and then decide where to go from there....good luck to you

[Accountable for Me]

crazygurl!

I am not a moderator... I have tried a couple of times and just ended up drinking like I was.

It is highly recommended to go 30 days AF before moderating.

I just wanted to welcome you and comment on how beautiful you, and your little one are! Glad you found us!

[treeman]

Hey gurl,

I tried moderating for a long time; but always found excuses to have more than my plan.

I then did 30 days AF. This allowed me to focus and really figure stuff out. I changed a lot of my "friend set". Started surrounding myself with people that are good for me. When I speak to them my mind seems to focus on the good things about me rather than the previous troubles.

I mod now. No drinking mon - thurs; thus no AL in the house at all, eliminating the temptation. I only buy a set amount on the weekend.

Hope that this helps.....there is a good support group here at most any time.