My Trip to Kentucky - May 6-12

[Croft]

I packed for my trip to Kentucky knowing that I was going to be spending my 6 days on the campus of a Bible college located in a dry country, surrounded by dry counties. Should I bring my flask? Should I bring some water? Do they still have stills in the woods? I am a mountaineer; I have the skill set to find them. No wonder the hillbillies moved to Beverly.

I boarded the plane with my Dad and freaked-out Mom (afraid to fly (and live)). It is no secret that my mom drives me nuts. What woman does not have a mother that does not drive her nuts? Well except my daughter. Her mother rocks!

So, at this point it should be no surprise that a beverage was definitely enjoyed on the plane. A wonderful merlot in a lovely little plastic bottle with a screw top lid hit the tongue and danced with flavors unknown to man until now! Helps to be desperate.

This was a trip to celebrate by little brother’s graduation from Bible college so that he can take his family which consists of him, his wife and his 4 little kids (3 girls; 12, 11, 9 and 1 boy 7) to Haiti it be missionaries. Yes, I know. The week would be filled with ceremonies in which we would all sit perched on pews opening black books to sing hymns and listening to sermons about the Lord’s hopes for the graduate’s futures. There was a lot of praying about the paths that these graduates would take as they set out to serve God’s will now that they were well equipped with all that they had learned on this campus. I kept my lips tightly sealed and my thoughts deeply hidden as the days worn on.

The first ceremony was a rewards banquet and my arse settled in for the days of perching as I started to realize that church in the South is different than the Church of the Mid-West where I was raised. The first thing that I noticed is that in the mid-West if babies are crying they are taken from the church to the nursery to address their needs. In the South if babies are crying they stay in the church and wait for God’s word to be fully stated before their needs are addressed no matter how loud they cry. This gives babies in the South lots of practice developing their little lungs. Southern children can raise their voices to the Lord in advanced ways and I would be very surprised if the Lord does not hear their cries first. Which now explains why the mid-Western prayers that I sent up as a child went unanswered.

The rewards ceremony consisted of certificates for wives that had stood by their husbands while they earned their degrees, and certificates for parents for the single folks, of which there were only 2. I guess you don’t decide to go to Bible College until you get married and then only the guys go. Very few women were graduating. This created anxiety that I repressed to avoid uncomfortable discussions for others. I was clearly out of my comfort zone, as I later learned that only men are supposed to be leaders in the church. This is something I missed in my Godly upbringing. Thank the Lord!

The awards banquet featured lunch. I passed through the “lunch line” feeling very skinny as my plate was dished up and handed to me. I sat down next to my Dad who was looking down at the poor excuse of food that was meant for celebrating. We glanced at each knowing that even if we did venture out into town in search of something better, we would only be disappointed to find the same thing only fried on a stick. My plate was filled to overflowing with 2 large slices of very shiny ham ringed with a ¼ inch of fat that circled into the ham getting wider in the middle. Next to this and spilling onto the ham was a large helping of what was being called “Hash-Brown Casserole”. I took a small bite and the taste of Velveeta, cream of chicken soup and SALT overtook my palette. Next to this was a small helping of canned green beans that had been boiled to mush. If there were any vitamins left in these green beans I am sure they were praying for mercy. I hope their little lungs were working it. This circle of culinary crime was topped with an “already-buttered-for-you” roll the size of my foot. I looked around the room expecting to see everyone else looking sad and searching their pockets for a Cliff Bar. Instead I saw eager faces scooping heaps of food into their mouths and even going back for seconds. The Hash-Brown Casserole turned out to be a huge hit! Have I missed the Hash brown craze?! Perhaps with a little garlic……

I should not have been surprised. The fat and carb craving Americans that are discussed on the news were alive and eating well at that Bible College in Kentucky celebrating their graduation. And sadly they had the bodies to show for it. The poor choir director had to be helped up and down the stairs to direct his choir. And the good news was that he had already lost 150 pounds. My Dad and I discussed this as the week went on and meal after meal of fat and carbs and fried food passed before us. My Mom on the other hand was in fat and carb heaven. If only there had been more chocolate cake and ice cream! She was so happy she was even showing off her new diabetes machine! But that is another story. PS – My Dad and I both lost 5 pounds each in 6 days!!!

I also was lucky enough to attend the christening of a new Emergency Services Building. My niece’s church choir sang at the event and several state government officials gave sermons about God’s gift of their services to the people. I could not tell the difference between church and the christening of a new emergency services building. We prayed, sang a hymn, listened to the choir, heard a sermon, were asked for money and prayed again. The good news here is that we all got really cool fire hats, baseball caps and frisbees! Oh, and the food was hot dogs – fried whole on a stick!! Another thing I noticed about church in the South is that you cannot have church without food. And we are not talking about vegetables folks!

I did manage to find some gorgeous trails to run on. The country was incredible and I sent up prayer after prayer of gratitude to God that I had this escape to the woods to run and look for stills. Although I did not find a still and really never even wanted to the adventure of those runs through the woods gave me the escape I needed from a world that I have a very difficult time identifying with. I still have scraps and scratches from twigs on my legs and I love them. I am a believer in God, but I have never been able to get on board with the typical church-goer. I have tried, and I have the scars to prove it. But the ceremonies and pot-lucks that I attended while in Kentucky were more evidence that I could not be a member of this group of people.

I am proud of my brother and his commitment to the Lord. I believe that his faith is deeper than most and that he is not following the Church, rather he is following the Lord. He has taken his faith father than the typical church-goer and thank goodness has not fallen prey to the cuisine of Kentucky. But I believe that his faith is rare. I am happy to have celebrated a step along his journey and like him am happy that he is moving on to the next step.

May the Lord bless him and his family as they continue their journey for Him.

[boozehag]

Hi Croft
That was a great story. Nice to see an insight into a world that is so different. We do see these young earnest american (baptists I assume) cycling around here (in NZ) in suits and I always feel so sorry for them so far from home in a country where in general religious people are considered weird (at best). The do get a free bicycle though so I suppose thats an incentive (and an umbrella). You obviously have a healthy dose of cynicism there. I would be cracking up laughing at the fat choir director (or quietly snorting in the pews).....
BH

[lorisunshine]

croft you are so funny - I really enjoyed your travelog.
L.

[tlrgs]

thankx for sharing croft sounds like you had a really good time ..

[southernbelle47]

Sounds like a case of "whose god is their belly".......
Philippians 5:19

:o(
Nancy

PS. I am proud of your brother also.

[greeneyes]

Kentucky? Crofty... baby you ain't seen nuthin' yet till you get a little further south into the bible belt. Peach moonshine is actualy quite good, better than the apple. But alas, I must give up my evil ways. Very nice story, as usual.

[Waves 2]

Glad you posted this Croft. It had made me smile this morning-very entertaining post.

[dexterhead]

Oh Croftie, HERE is where you've been hiding out!! I've missed my daily dose of Croft!!

[Croft]

yes, sorry. Started hanging out with the modsters. They've been treating me pretty good and I get that small town feel. Stop by and visit anytime!