When do you KNOW...?

[Kimberley]

Hi guys, new on here. I am only 27 but have been a serious alky for nearly ten years. I used to drink up to a litre and a half of gin a day until about 3 years ago. I had social anxiety at the time. After getting that cured I became much better.

I tend to only drink beer or wine these days and not every day, but I still have problems. It's like the old alky habits are still there - feeling deprived if I don't have a drink, drinking more than other people, binging on vodka for days etc - have been hitting withdrawal roughly once a month.

Anyway I have been trying to do controlled drinking and sometimes it works and it's great but too often I go crazy. I REALLY do not want to do abstinence, but I don't want to do this to myself anymore.

My question is When do you KNOW you will never be able to do controlled drinking? When is it time to admit defeat? I have promised my family I will not drink for a year and will see my old counsellor again (who was brilliant). I know that will be hard cravings-wise etc, but I am going to do it because I can not trust myself controlling it yet. Will I ever be able to after that? Anyone been there?

[paula]

Hi Kimberly, and welcome.
I'm afraid that only you can decide what your drink problem is, but for me gin , wine beer etc. are alcohol, I personally am an alcoholic, and controlled drinking is impossible for me. Have you got the
MWO book ? it's very good. The fact you are looking for help on this site, to me is an indication of
your problem. I wish that at 27 I could have realised I had a problem. You have a wonderful life
in front of you, please enjoy it whatever you decide, good idea to see your counsellor.
Best of luck Paula.

[ducky]

Hey Kimberley,

Welcome! I think it is different for each person. At some point those who cannot moderate just get sick of the struggle and decide ABS is best. A lot of members have done that here.

I would second what Paula has said and download the book and read it asap. The supps may help with the cravings. You are so young and it is great you are trying to get a handle on this now. Don't waste lots more years, like many of us have.

Good luck and keep posting!

[Kimberley]

Thanks Paula. I wish at the age of 27 I hadn't screwed up my life so badly - I could've waited a bit longer! But I hear that the younger you are the easier it may be to do controlled drinking.

I am well aware I currently have a problem controlling it and this is why I have said that at the moment I will not drink anymore, but I'd love to know that in future I could be stronger and just do things like have champagne at celebrations, a pint while watching the football or a glass of wine with dinner. One of my counsellors told me that is a much more difficult task than just not drinking if you have been an alky. Guess I may decide that is the truth when I've been sober and really thinking it through with my counsellor.

[Kimberley]

Thanks ducky - I may have a look at reading the book - I already tried taking Kudzu. Might ask the docs fir Campral again though it didn't really work the first time (as I was still drinking quite heavily anyway ;-)

[Bambi]

Hi Kimberly and welcome,

That is what alot people decide...that it is much easier just to give up AL completely then to keep the drinking alive with hopes of mods. I'm the same with you, one is never enough.....and alot of it is mind games thinking well i will be fine if I can just have one every month or so...well you will find yourself wanting and wishing for that one all the time! But only you can decide that. I am still learning myself and still wishing I could be a normal drinker!

Best of luck to you which ever you decide. Read the book and take the supps, the supps really do help with the cravings. I haven't tried the Hypno Cd's in along time but alot of the long timers swear by them!

Hugs, Bambi

[Kimberley]

Thanks Bambi, I know there are former alkies who can do controlled drinking and I would absolutely LOVE to be one of them. But I think there are probably many more who JUST CAN'T and the more I think honestly about it, the more I think I am probably one of them. I think many people on here are, having read the posts.

You're right, I WANT it too much and find it difficult to have one - I feel deprived. I'm not looking forward to all the cravings and stuff but I guess the most important thing for me is it may just be something I will have to deal with.

What is lovely is the great support on this site. This morning I was so unhappy about pouring away the vodka and sarting on my AF year/maybe life. Having read some beautiful stories here (I was in tears with some stories), I feel so much more hopeful and comforted so thank you every single person who reads this and has posted some of their own experiences or offered encouragement to anyone else.

Much love

[tlrgs]

hi there..kimberley.. welcome and so very nice to meet you . keep posting and reading as much as you can. to learn the best way for you. we are here for you what ever you decide.
good luck

[Kimberley]

Thanks trgls, I will definitely do that. <--- sorry about my spelling

[Hermit]

Hi Kimberly
I just wanted to add my !

I'm 28 and really get where you're coming from. I also wonder why I had to fuck up so badly so early in life! Also, the thought of not being able to drink for the rest of one's life when we are so young is really scary. I don't know yet if the future will be abstinence or moderation for me - I just joined here this week and am waiting to get the book and to learn more. I would love to be able to mod in the future, but I think we all learn in due course whether that is something that is possible for each of us as an individual. For me personally, I cannot put into writing the relief I feel that I have found MWO. The support and the comfort of being to chat to people in the same situation is hugely helpful.

Good to have you on here - keep posting and let us know how you're doing!