Working to Mod...

[icandothis]

Hi,

I've been on and off this site over the past year, read the book, tried TOPA and didn't care for the side effects. Anyway, I have really been successful at cutting WAY back on my drinking. I have gone from drinking every night (usually 3-4 glasses of wine) to drinking only 2-3 nights per week and sometimes 1-2 nights. However, I'm still not happy with the fact that I have a problem -- not every time but most times -- stopping after 1-2 glasses of wine. I usually end up finishing a bottle and feel like it's a mental compulsion or something -- kind of like when you're dieting and know you have to cut way back tomorrow so you splurge tonight???

Do any of you experience this? Can you offer any suggestions? Should I resign myself that I need to quit drinking? Any advice would be appreciated!

[betty boop]

Icandothis ........... I too relate to your struggle .........

The general advice is to do 30 days abstaining before deciding whether mods is for you ..........

All the best and keep us informed ......

BB xx

[Maisie]

Icandothis, that is so me. I was sometimes able to stop after 1-2 glasses of wine, but often fnished the whole bottle and then woke up the next day wondering why and resolving not to do that again the next night. But then there I went again. Even when I found this site and decided to go AF, I could have done it that day. But there were two glasses left in the bottle, and I just had to finish them off.

I'm sure it's best to go 30 days AF before moding, but I decided to start with 14 days and go from there. And today is Day 13. I decided for the next 14 days, I'll only have a glass of wine if I go out to dinner with someone since I never over-do in that situation. It's having a few more glasses when I get home that is the killer. So no AL at home for the second 14 day stint. Then I'll decide if I can mod at home. I'm taking it in small steps at this point. However, like you, I wonder if I have the capacity to mod or whether I really have to quit. Wishing you success with our common struggle, icandothis.

[flyinhigh]

Icandothis....
I struggle to with the idea of trying to mod....I am on day 28 af....I really suggest that you quit for a bit and see how your mind rewires. I am starting to think I am not ready to mod, I wish I could and would love to but I don't think I am ready. Also, a lot of people here would love to mod....but know they can't.....good luck and stay in touch.....
oh, btw, WELCOME!!!

[Croft]

NEVER GIVE UP

For me this is a daily struggle. I do not know if the future will relieve me of the constant awareness of AL in my life. But today I must be diligent. I must keep on fighting against my desires to keep drinking.

It is great that you can look back and see that you have made progress. That is something you should be very proud of. If you can keep making progress forward then you are on the right track. That is all you can do day to day. If you really want to be a moderator then if I were you I would not give that goal up so fast. Maybe you are just not there yet. Maybe you are getting discouraged along the path and just need to refocus and keep getting back up. This is not an easy task. It is damn hard work. Be proud of how far you have come and keep moving forward. You are doing great!!!!

[Ask For Help]

Icandothis and other modders (or those thinking about it)

Have been away and thought I'd post my 2cents on this thread:

Icandothis: I'd say you've made a great start on modding To successfully cut back from most nights to 1 - 3 nights/week means you've gotten the whole AF routine down and have broken your habit of a daily drinking. What are you doing with all your free time and extra energy?

The issue you are struggling with now is stopping at 2 drinks instead of the whole bottle. I think Maisie makes a great suggestion of having drinks while out, rather than having a bottle at home. Another alternative is to share a bottle of wine with someone.

Many that moderate find that having alcohol in the house is difficult to say no to, so they (we) plan our alcohol purchase for days we plan to drink. You might (consciously or not) be finishing the bottle so that there will be no alcohol in the house for your next AF days. . . is that possible? I've always thought it would be great if one could buy 1/2 bottles of wine at reasonable cost. That would work for me.

There really ought to be a manual for modders. One modder posted that she did not keep alcohol in the house for 9 months into her journey. I am almost five months into this and I will say I have had one situation where I've had a bottle a 1/2 bottle of wine open in the refrigerator for a week. I've only brought wine home a handful of other times and then I've been able to stop at 2, but I've had the other half of the bottle within a couple of days, and I've found my threshold for deciding to drink is much lower once the bottle is in the house and open.Other motivators to limit to 2 drinks (for me) are that I use the drink tracker and wouldn't want to post a 4, that I have a goal of 7 drinks/week, and wouldn't want to use up 4 in one sitting, but the biggest is that I am truly satisfied with 2 drinks now, because of the topomax I believe.
I credit the Topo with helping me feel "completely satisfied" with one or two drinks. In fact that phrase "completely satisified" goes through my mind a lot . . . perhaps it's on the subliminal tapes which I also highly recommend. Much in life is very, very good. The topo side effects were very bothersome for months for me, but I've finally found the dose of 25mg in the am and 50 mg at 5 dinnertime gives me no symptoms whatsoever.

So this is another person's view. Take your time to be figure "your way out". I found it really helpful to be very clear about my goals, because if you spend a lot of time on these boards the influence to be AF can be pretty strong. So don't be confused if you wonder "what am I doing drinking!" I think that sometimes too, and then I remember: my goal was to bring this under control and moderate, not quit. Also, I think many of us that have a history of drinking too much are quick to feel guilty or negative about ourselves, so even though we've made great progress it's easier to be in that "I'm not doing well enough" space. So keep talking to us, and we'll keep reminding one another of our progress.

Fondly,
G

[Michaela]

Wow Ican. I thought I was reading exactly what I would have written. I too have cut dramatically back. From every day drinking to once or twice a week. However it seems when I do allow myself I cant stop with one or 2 drinks. I usually get sloppy drunk, do and say stupid things. Then I end up HATING MYSELF in the morning. Can the supps really help with moderating?

[icandothis]

Thanks so much for all your adivce! I am currently doing a Drunk Free month (Or Drunk Free Dune -- another thread with Betty Boop!)

I do have to realize that I've made progress. I would love not to have any Alcohol in the house, however my husband -- who has no issues at all with alcohol and completely doesn't understand why anyone would -- likes to have some around. I feel badly about asking him to take everything out because I can't control myself! Luckily it's not too bad for me if it's locked away in the liquor cabinet. I only have problems if he opens a bottle of wine and leaves 3/4 of the bottle on the counter for a week or so...

I have hesitated to go AF for 30 days because I don't want it (Alcohol) to have more power in my life than it already does. I feel almost as if it will make me MORE obsessive about alcohol if I do that. However, I'm not completely closed to the idea and may try that in the future.

Thanks again for all your kind words!!

[Croft]

Originally Posted by Michaela

Wow Ican. I thought I was reading exactly what I would have written. I too have cut dramatically back. From every day drinking to once or twice a week. However it seems when I do allow myself I cant stop with one or 2 drinks. I usually get sloppy drunk, do and say stupid things. Then I end up HATING MYSELF in the morning. Can the supps really help with moderating?

Yes, the supps can and do help. And I think the topo helps too!

[icandothis]

I really didn't find the supps that effective. The vitamin drink in the a.m. gives me a nice feeling throughout the day, but nothing kudzu, topa, naltrexone, seemed to have any effect on my cravings. I think maybe it's because I don't really have a CRAVING per se, it's more of an issue with stopping once I feel any effects from the alcohol. I did only go up to 100 mgs on the Topa because I started feeling some side effects I didn't like -- and generally just felt listless on it. Anyway, I'm still working on keeping it down to a couple days (or fewer) per week and then the challenge is to have a drink with food and drink slowly so that I don't get carried away and drink the whole bottle!