December Determination ~ AF ~ Week 4

[mighty mouse]

Good Morning Determinators, I've missed you all so much! But everyone of you were in my thoughts and prayers these past few days. Very busy with the family. Xmas eve as church and dinner and a few presents with my immediate family. and Christmas Day, more presents and then hosted dinner for 22. All went well. Did have a bit of AL, but not much and I'm glad it is over so I can get back to working on myself without so many stressers.

Lil, Not an empty nester. 2 kids in college but they are home alot and 1 in high school. My home is always very active with them and all of there friends. but I generally enjoy it. I know I only have a few more years till they may be gone so I'm trying to take it all in.

Cyn, Glad you made it to your moms. I missed my mom alot this Christmas, she past a year and 3 months ago. Things are different but that is life. It's always changing.

Dill, thanks for being the keeper of the post. Very happy you had a sucessful X-mas.

Lav, New you would do it!!!!

I need to go. Kids are getting up and they always track me down. Always want to know what I'm doing.

LBH, Sooty, Dave , Sherri, SD,TW, Red, CG, SG, Pam and everyone. Merry Christmas and may God Bless us everyone.

Much Love and Hugs, MM try to check in later

[lilmea]

Happy day after Christmas everyone,

I have to join LHB and Dill with this being my first sober Christmas in a gazzilion years. Although there was some sadness to it, it was still one of the nicest I have had in a very long time.

All my company is gone. Asked Mr. Lil if he would mind taking down the outside lights while the weather was warm. The next thing I know, he's working on the tree. Long story short everything is cleaned up and put away. Not sure what I will do on New Years day as that is when I usually take down the decorations. What ever it is, I intend to do it af.

Hope everyone is having a peaceful and af day.

[dill]

It's 11:00 in the morning here and I am sitting down for just a moment to collect myself. We have our last big wave of company coming at 1:00pm and I still have miles to go. Today is Mr. Dill's familly coming in, some to meet SIL for the first time. I must clean up from yesterday and prepare for today. Lav, I am like you, kind of winding down. I can't do it all like I used to, not enough energy in me. I have divided the work out as much as possible and have ordered from Kroger deli so food prep is minimized. We have sun today and that is cheering.

Lil, WOW! Mr. Lil really jumped to it! You will be able to relax on New Year's Day. I used to drink while I took down the tree. Not this time!!

LBH, the AF path was hard to follow at moments, but not entirely, eh? But I too was "relentlessly tired" from the activities and the extra effort. If drinking, I would have been too buzzed to know the difference. At least we knew we were tired!

Red, I'm curious what other holiday you are celebrating? Can you share?

Cyn, your mom is so lucky to have a daughter like you. You remind me of my own daughter when you say you are responsible for the 'party' atmosphere. My daughter brings that light into our lives as well.

MM and Pam, glad you checked in. It sounds like you both had very good Holidays.

OK, Miles to go before I sleep.

[sdlovespackers]

Merry (a day late) Christmas!!

I'm so proud of all of you for reaching your holiday goals!! I knew you could do it!!! I continue to struggle with al and being around my family and the amount of al consumed by everyone....and what I mean struggle is saying "no" and being AF! I wish I had the strength or whatever?! This year I really stayed focused on myself and monitored my drinking very carefully...I know last year this was not the case at all! It is because of this place and all of you that I now would even think to do that. I sipped slowly, as being "present" for my son was my number one focus, not the buzz. This sounds horrible but when I go back over to my parents the next day I hear the stories of their "rough" mornings and just kind of silently chuckle!! I think it helps too that I live 4 blocks away and quietly bow out while they all continue to sit around and begin playing games. I guess this new "relationship" with my family is one I will continue to have to explore over the next year. I'm very excited for the holidays to be over and for things to get back to normal!!
Anyway....EXCELLENT JOB to ALL on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day!!!! You all are AMAZING WOMEN!!!!!!!!!! I wish I could have said the same (AF) thing...but I guess making gains from the year before is something--perhaps next year this conflict I have with my family won't even be an issue...I'll get stronger the more AF days I continue to accumulate this coming year!!
SD

[cyntree]

Happy 2nd Day of Christmas all! I woke up this morning trying to think up a great rhyming scheme for us to put new words to 'the First Day of Christmas my true love gave to me....". All I could come up with was something for the last line ("and a Partridge in a Pear Tree.."), like: 'and a liiife of sobriii-eee-ty', or 'living bliiiss-ful and alcohol free'. Just a reminder of what a gift we've given ourselves this year.

Good luck to all who are still entertaining - hope it all went well, Dill and Red. MM - dinner for 22, wow. MM and SD - how great to hear your movement forward. Onwards and upwards to the light! Pamina - wonderful to hear from you, I am sharing your snowy day - still snowing and blowing here in NE. LBH - I hear everyone echoing your 'relentlessly tired' phrase...from my vantage point of being snowed in and not too much to do, I am still tired, and I haven't done a 10th of what you all are doing. I think this holiday demands too much of women; I hope you all are able to rest and catch up soon.
Lav - If I am correct, this is your Happy AF Anniversary Day, yes?! CONGRATS!!!

Love to all who are to come - I'm sure I have a lot of cross-posts, as this took me a long time to get written - so will check in again later.

[Lavande]

Good evening friends,

Thanks Cyn, yes - today I am 9 months AF - Yay Thanks for remembering, I'm really happy I made it! You are so right - we have given ourselves a wonderful gift this year! Hope your snow stops soon. The rain we are getting today is making last weekend's snow disappear quickly.

MM, dinner for 22? Holy Cow!!! Good job!

Lil, I'm loving your new avatar, very festive!

SD, glad to hear you are happy with your progress since last Christmas - that's what it's all about, right? To tell you the truth, I'm much happier & calmer when I'm NOT around my family either

Dill, hope your day is shaping up well for you. Hope you are planning a day to rest tomorrow!

Think I'll grab some dinner then just sit & do nothing for a while!

[ladybirdheart]

Dill when you wrote about the fatigue of the season,

“If drinking, I would have been too buzzed to know the difference. At least we knew we were tired!”

it is so true. I am aware of all kinds of things, most of them good things, but also being tired and irritable. Cranky. Who knew I had a cranky crabby streak and I hope it goes away. I had a reluctant breakfast with visiting people this morning and thank goodness they were all so very sweet and peaceful, the secret tight band around my sober self melted a bit. I should be fine after a few days of reduced intensity, repartee, and cheerful expectations. I see why the holidays are hard and I didn’t when I drank through them. I didn’t care if I felt tired and estranged; I didn’t know the difference. At least there is hope to do something about it proactively as we get the hang of this. Love to all and congratulations to our own Ms. Lav, Ladybird.

[dill]

I am again, relentlessly tired. Today went very well and all the guests appeared to have a good time. I must tell you that I had one glass of wine, but it was (UGH)white zinfandel. My SIL asked for white zin and gaily told my nephew to pour one for me, too. I set it aside and went about my business getting food on the table and arranging seating, etc.. She was ready for her second glass and looked for mine to refill. It was still full. I didn't want to make an issue of it, so I picked it up and sipped it. I could have poured it out when no one was looking but instead I sipped it for the next hour and that was that. All it did was make me 1.) want more al, and 2.) sleepy. I don't even think I'll count it as I was never even slightly buzzed. It just added a stressor to my day.

I am aware of so many more things without drinking, and feel so much more confident. I do have a bit of a short fuse at times, as you mentioned, LBH, but I manage to keep it in check except for occasionally with poor Mr. Dill.

Onward and upward! SD, I think you did very well and I am glad that you kept your awareness of your self and al front and center and that you were present for Brayden. You are learning so much about yourself, your family, your relationship with al, their relationship with al, and all the relationships mixed together! I'm happy for you. Does that sound strange?

Lav, congrats on 9 months! But mostly, congrats on getting that Christmas Eve milestone behind you. Maybe now you can let that pain go.

Lil, I like your festive New Year's avatar!

OK, Cyn, Here we go:

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, ' a liiife of sobriii-eee-ty'.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 2 clu-ub sodas, and a liiife of sobriii-eee-ty.

[cyntree]

Good night all (morning, Sooty!) - I was just about done with a long post, and lost it, so for now will just share the end of the Dylan Thomas poem 'A Child's Christmas in Wales' that I was trying to send to all -
"Looking through my bedroom window, out into
the moonlight and the unending smoke-coloured snow,
I could see the lights in the windows
of all the other houses on our hill and hear
the music rising from them up the long, steadily
falling night. I turned the gas down, I got
into bed, I said some words to the close and
holy darkness, and then I slept."

Sweet dreams!

[Lavande]

Good morning December friends,

Everyone exhausted at this point???
It's no wonder - really

The rain is over, the sun is out & it's relatively warm......very nice!
Think I'll jump into my hip boots & wade through the mud for a while (just kidding)! I am looking forward to a little fresh air though.

Wishing everyone a great day!
Lav