Emotionally fragile

[Boss.man]

This is one of two posts I want to do tonight. But I want them separate.

I've spent most of the last year being emotionally fragile. I mean to say I got upset over things that should not upset me. And it seemed like everything piled on to me.

For one thing, I'm a business owner and employer. Running a small business in the midst of a recession makes me want to barf. I reduced staff in 2007 as a proactive measure, and that largely worked. But I got totally worked up about some of the employees I had to let go.

My spouse was not working last year, and had tried to do eBay and be an Amazon reseller, but had settled into a pattern of blogging all day on the internet with no dollars of income. If we were actually in financial trouble I would have had to turn off the hot tub, or fire the housekeeper, and I did neither. But my spouses lack of work was a constant meme in my drinking mind.

I read a book on alcohol called something like "The Miracle Cure" where you dream for a miracle, then pretend it happened, and then you are "Cured".

For me it really did happen! My spouse got a great job, and my business picked up, and it's now high summer and my garden has been spectacular this year.

But I found woe is me, my stevia died due to a watering malfunction (stevia is an herb from South America. I paid $5 for the seeds which is actually a lot for seeds, although not a lot for a drink). Due to my inattention several areas of my lawn are now dry, and one area has weeds (which my spouse has pointed out, mea culpa, a dry spot in the lawn!)

This is Horrible! Horrible; and therefore an excuse to get a drink.

I found over time, or maybe just over the last couple years when my drinking patterns and sleep patterns changed, that drinking made me very emotionally fragile.

I got obsessed over little things. Things that I can easily handle.

I got obsessed over what my spouse did or does. Even though we have a mature relationship (I was 42 and my spouse was 38 when we met, we married two years later in 2004) We're not the same as young couples or family types. We honor a huge amount of private space and we are free from a lot of the cultural pressure that pushes on younger couples and families.

I truly think it was all the booze talking.

For every minute of "high" I had to pay two minutes of "fragile". What's worse, is the fragile side would continue for days past the time of my good feelings.

I cried when they did dog stories in the evening news. Because someone abandon a dog somewhere, it was a reason for me to have a drink.

Right?

[Nurseindistress]

I love your posts Boss.

I think drinking does make one emotionally fragile and unable to see the "bigger picture" of things. It keeps one from dealing with issues, so they pile up and pile up, and that can't be good deep down inside of you. I am so used to dealing with "hurt" by drinking, that I haven't developed the skills I need to do it any other way. I think that will be tough, as I have committed to myself today to start today being AF. Many people who post here talk about the joy they are able to feel once they stop drinking. I want to feel that instead of "numb".

Anyway, I'll be looking for your next post with interest.

[ready2change]

I too...love your post boss.man. It is so wonderful here to have a mans point of view, being we are predominately women. Keep those feelings pouring out...it helps us women folk understand you Mars types so much better.

R2C

[KatieSmiles]

Boss man

I have no words of wisdom, just a big fat hug!

[julie001]

Awesome post! I'm in the process of cutting way back on alcohol consumption and your post really struck a cord with me. Everything seemed like a gigantic issue when I was drinking or in a state of recovery. You stated it perfectly. I love the stability of life these days, and I know it will only get better. Thanks for the inspiring words.

Julie

[DeeBee]

Originally Posted by Boss.man

I read a book on alcohol called something like "The Miracle Cure" where you dream for a miracle, then pretend it happened, and then you are "Cured".

For me it really did happen! My spouse got a great job, and my business picked up, and it's now high summer and my garden has been spectacular this year.

Hi Boss,

Have you read "The Secret"? It sounds like the book you read is along the same lines..... your thoughts become you. I read it just before I started this program and the one thing that stuck with me is if you don't want to be an alkie anymore, you thoughts must not be "I don't want to drink AL" because the message you are sending out is still of AL, you thoughts must be sober thoughts, "I am sober!!" You can use it for anything, but make sure you think of the postitive not negative. I don't know if that made sense, just wanted to share!

Hope you have a great weekend!!