Getting Real

[HealerHealing]

So I had myself convinced that with wine I would be able to not overdo it....not so. Last night I drank 2 entire small bottles of wine. It was so yummy and before I knew it they were gone.
I feel a bit let down, but mostly I just feel I have learned another lesson. Of course you all tried to tell me.
So the new plan is to only buy one bottle at a time so there will be no extra al in the home...i know.....i know......i'm a smart girl LOL
SO we will see how this goes, I think I can, I think I can,

Okay here's a cute story...
Yesterday I took my 3 boys to story hour. My eldest started kindergarten, so I have been trying to get the boys out some. It was at a Barnes and Nobles and they have a very cute stage area with a half circle bench in front of it. When we arrived there were already several there sitting on the bench properly. So before I know it my 3 are up on the stage in front of all of these people. It's our first time at story hour mind you. So one boy says "we are going to put on a show for you" which gets everyones attention. They then proceeded to sing the alphabet song in unison. When they finsihed all the kids and parents gave them a huge round of applause. You should have seen the smiles on there faces, they all got a taste of performance......I am starting to save for acting lessons now

Well, I hope you are all well and happy. Enjoy your day and remember you are not your choices. Remember also the only one you have control of is yourself. You do have a choice whether or not you drink today.

[AAthlete]

HH, thanks for pointing out how crafty alcohol can be. Like you said, you had convinced yourself that you would not overdo it on wine..... but I'm guessing once that first drink was in you it didn't matter what you were drinking?

That's what would happen to me. I would start off with a couple of beers, thinking that I am not a big fan of beer so I wouldn't drink a lot. But, once that booze hit me just a little bit, I would be off to the store to get my vodka. After all, I had a buzz started so why not enjoy it today and I'll quit tomorrow. Man, if I had a dollar for every time I said that....

That is a great story about the kids - I love how little moments pop up like that when you least expect it.

[A Work in Progress]

Well, Healer, it's good that you are seeing yourself a bit more clearly... now you have a "new plan" (only one bottle of wine in the house!) but you seem to already understand that all these plans are easily defeated by a mind/brain that has an insatiable appetite for alcohol...

best wishes,

wip

[nancy]

Hi Healer

What do you mean by two small bottles? Like how small? The kind that have only one glass? Or a smaller version of a normal size bottle? It's a slippery slope and you can always go out and get more small bottles once you have a buzz, as AAthlete suggests.

My personal opinion is that the drinking at home alone habit has to go altogether. Also, you have to look at what that bottle represents- relaxation or reward? If you keep using alcohol for those things, even one bottle, you won't learn new, healthier coping mechanisms.

[Chelle12]

Yep, Im with Nancy and AAthlete on this one. Whether its one glas or one 'small' bottle, it always leads to wanting more.... This is from someone who is on their third glas today, after already stating in a previous thread how she is "going to keep it to a minimum today"..

If Al is in the house, then it's too tempting to drink.

Im having such a BAD day :(

[marbella]

Chelle it will get better, I believe you are off to the doctor tomorrow?

Good move. I am digging my antabuse out right now- it is the only way forward for me.

I agree with the others on the small bottle thing- my worst drinking days only start with 1 can of beer. Always. It doesn't work for me ever, I just then go to another store or bar and buy some more.

I hate to think what will happen to our neighborhood businesses when I start the antabuse. They will all go bust.

[WaitingToExhale]

Originally Posted by marbella

I hate to think what will happen to our neighborhood businesses when I start the antabuse. They will all go bust.

This made me giggle! Isn't it the truth! I figure I spend about $600-$800 a month on wine! YIKES!

[marbella]

LOL the thing is I go in for my poison, but of course try to hide the fact that I have gone in for that, so end up buying half the shop so the poison is just hidden in between all the other stuff I neither need or want.

The money I waste on this is truly HORRENDOUS. As though they are fooled anyway- I mean they must smell it on me.

[Chelle12]

Oh, I can SO relate to this..!
I bought washing up liquid (I already had 2 bottles in cupboard), a magazine that I would never read (probably because I couldnt see straight), an air freshener, a loaf of bread (because it fills the shopping basket and hides the wine underneath) and a tin of dog food (I actually DID need that).
All, because I wanted 40 cigs and two bottles of wine, but didnt want my shopping basket to only have those items in it at the checkout.
I have to float around different shops, because Im pretty sure the shop opposite has cottoned onto the fact that IM the alki who's keeping them in business.
I must spend about £70 a week on wine, and £70 on cigarettes on a bad week... and that's only using the horrible cheap £2.99 bottles wine.

[Chardonnay123]

Chelle, your 'shopping' story is so like mine its unreal - I shop at the local just around the corner - i daren't drive to the 'annonymous' supermarket if I m desperate - for fear of drinking and driving - although I have ashamedly done this in the past as my previous threads admit.

I hope and prayer for a different cashier - as my local is like a mini 'tesco's' and I go in at all times for the same 2 bottles of wine (never one!) and any of the 'offers' that they may have just to 'hide' the fact I came in just for the booze - catfood (I don't have one!) dogfood ( I do, but would not normally pay their prices - if I was sober!!) and anything else that grabs my fancy!!

What a crazy crazy place we are in.

I am also in UK and gearing up to go 30 days AF in september - I have been, I think remarkably better since finding this site, I am however, more aware of the damage I have done - since finding this site (ironically!!) so am taking one day at a time and convincing myself that I will get to where I want to be - I have stopped daytime drinking - whether that is lunch with the girls, or an excuse for a summer holiday drink, and wait for 7pm before I will allow myself to even think about starting!

here's hoping, fingers crossed and all that. xx