Giant F-Up

[SassyGirl]

I had a major social function for work this week on Monday night (just with coworkers).

On Monday I figured it would be my party night for the week but I WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY overdid it. Perhaps I thought I was rewarding myself for not drinking for a few days before? Whatever it was, it was far beyond what I normally do and I am embarrassed and completely disgusted.

I would give more details, but I don't want to see it all in black and white...

I really cannot stop beating myself up, I am even sitting here crying and it was two days ago. Not really looking for sympathy, just wondering...how do you all get past the self-loathing? Do you ever get past it?

Sassy

[KBCE]

You gotta move on Sassy. We all have slip ups. Don't beat your self up, it is not going to help and only drive you to AL. Switch your focus on visualizing yourself sober, healthy and happy. I mean reallly see yourself as this happy sobert person. Remember, AL is NOT a reward. Just the opposite - it is a punishment. You are seeing that first hand, as we all have. You can do this. Put the past behind you (To qupte Pumba in the Lion King - we just watched it with the baby last night!) and look towards your wonderful bright future. You can totally do this and we are here to help you. Stay strong friend!

[kriger]

Sassy,
You will get past the self-loathing if you can make a concentrated effort to forgive yourself. You need to do that in order to get on with your life. Consider Monday night a just a "slip" and try to let it go. We all have to go thru mistakes to learn from them...then we can go on to make our life better.
You sound like you really want to get sober, so it WILL happen...you will make it happen. kriger

[Wally22]

I can remember stupid things I did when I was drunk 30 years ago. They still make me cringe. Really good reason, to stop drinking, so it doesn't happen again! Why couldn't I figure that out 30 years ago. Duh.
We are always harder on ourselves than others would be. It is so much easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves.
I would suggest you focus instead on the rest of your life, leave the past behind. From now on it will be a happy healthy life for you. Plan on it! Make it so!
Good Luck.
Thanks for the help with the pix. I appreciate it.

[Gia]

It will pass, it always does. Eventually the memory will fade.
I've learned that the hard way quite a few times, and now I no longer drink at social events for work.
It's better that way, and I don't end up doing something outrageously stupid and risque that I would never do sober.
Chin up darling, it's over and done with now.

[AMELIA]

Sassy, as KBCE rightly says....we all have slip ups.
Some of mine have been mortifying, but you have to move on.
I must say that when I am abstinent I view my 'F-ups' more leniently....probably because when I am abstinent I feel more in control, calmer etc etc.
I don't know what your goals are with your drinking, modding or abstaining....but I reckon that when you start to meet those goals (I don't know if you are or not), life will begin to lighten up and you won't be so hard on yourself.
Best wishes.
x

[tlrgs]

yes we all have been there and done that .. move on and learn from it ..stay strong and think positive

[akgirl]

Don't be too tough on yourself. This is a hard uphill climb, you know we're are gonna slip. Just don't stop climbing girl!!!

[nancy]

I think you just need to regard this as par for the course with a drinking problem. It's an unusual problem in that socializing often involves alcohol, so it can be very difficult to quit, along with all the personal reasons that make it tough. But then alcohol turns you into an extremely anti-social person with no manners and no inhibitions. I think you need to remember that the person you are while drunk is not the real you, with manners and consciousness and checks on behavior. The real you underneath is still a decent person.

This humiliaion is a big part of the problem and probably the main reason why people want to quit. You could use this as a negative motivating factor to quit, but don't let it infect your self-esteem. You badly need your self-esteem to get over this problem.

In terms of what other people think of you. Some will be more understanding than others. How would you view a terribly drunk person? If it were me, honestly, I would have compassion. Take that compassion and turn it toward yourself. People who mock drunks are not worth much in my opinion.

There is a strong element of choice in all this. Once you realize that, these incidents will be a thing of the past.

[SassyGirl]

I don't know what my goals are anymore. I thought moderating, but I am not even sure that's going to be possible. I am so new to all of this...last week was the first time I even admitted that I have a problem (and that was to all of you.) I read the book and ordered everything but nothing has come yet.

I didn't really embarass myself in front of coworkers...I guess I will write it out. Shit, maybe seeing it in black in white will scare me straight.

I drank so much that I blacked out - and this has only happened to me 2-3 times in my life (I'm 34.) Now, I have passed out (fallen asleep) but black outs are very uncommon for me - where I continue to walk/talk but retain no memory of it. NONE.

My social function was at a hotel, and my boyfriend was supposed to come down and spend the evening with me once I had finished around 10 pm. Well...he didn't have a key to the room or anything, and I woke up fully clothed on my bed at 4:30 in the morning. No boyfriend.

I couldn't remember how I got to my room, or what I had done prior to getting there. I figured I must have just stumbled back to the room and immediately fallen asleep, forgetting about my plans with my boyfriend. I was horrified when I listened to my voicemails on my cell phone and room phone and heard my sweet wonderful boyfriend calling, wondering what he should do, and where was I? Was I okay?

I sent him two text messages immediately (it was too early to call) telling him I had fallen asleep and that I was so sorry I had missed him and left him hanging. By the time we spoke, I was again apologizing profusely...feeling so terrible for not calling him or telling him what was going on. He said, "Why are you apologizing? Don't you remember we had a 20 minute conversation about this last night?"

He dropped the subject quickly and reallly didn't seem that upset about it. But I hate myself for choosing to get wasted drunk instead of be with a man that loves me. What kind of person does that?