Hey Nice People, I need advice

[Happy Feet]

Hi and Good Monday Morning!

I could easily explain my dilemma in one quick sentence but I feel I should preface first.

We've been married for 20 years. During this time most nights were spent drinking. The first 17 years our drink of choice was beer. Like most of what I have read on the boards we timed our outside events around drinking. About 3 years ago I decided to loose 50 lbs so I switched to whiskey and no carb no cal lime fizzy mix. Sure enough the weight came off within 6 months but I was drunk the entire time. Not really all the time. But I sure was every night. Recently I began drinking myself into black outs. Scary stuff indeed.

Jump forward to last week (8-11-08) I, all by myself with the help of God, decided that I no longer felt like drinking. Our fights all happened during either my blackout, his blackout or both of us blacked out. I had virtually hit rock bottom. During the 20 year drinking phase I was as functional as could be during the day. Nobody would have guessed, unless they knew me personally, that I even drank.

THANK GOD my wanting to stop was all I needed. Haven't touched a drop in 9 days. Now understand that I am already on meds that I recently learned on this very community that I would need to help me wean myself off booze. I take Atenolol for hypertension. I take Klonopin for anxiety. I take an anti depressant for nerve pain. I elected to start l-glut and muli vitamins about 6 months ago just because I wanted to. Never knew I was all set to stop because I already take the right meds.

I feel EXUBERANT. seriously, I feel normal now. After only 9 days AF!! I had only one effect..lol..it was my first night of not drinking. This actually is very funny to me now but it did scare me so bad at the time that I almost fell out of bed. I had just drifted off and all of a sudden a very loud radio announcer appeared talking into my right ear. This episode lasted only 2 seconds but it scared the bageebies outta me!

Now on to my problem. My husband is scared to death. This is not a whine session here. I just would love to know how others have handled this problem. Right now he is a pendulum. One minute he's nicer than heck to me then the next he's very discouraging and in NO way supportive. Not that I expect him to support my decision. This is my decision and mine alone. He even poured me a stiff drink last night and sweetly asked if I would just have one with him. I smiled and thanked him but told him I had absolutely no desire to drink. I have tried to be very aware of his feelings because I am not trying to scare him. I even explained to him that unless he became violent towards me that he can drink if he wants. It has to be his choice to quit. I assured him that my feelings for him have not changed. My reasons for stopping the drinking is because I want to.

Is there a way to handle this situation that I am not thinking of?

If I have left out any info that could make this post seem confusing please let me know.

Sorry for the LONG post. You people were the rock I held in my hand and said YES..I CAN do this! When I read and read through your posts I was SO encouraged. THANK ALL of YOU!

(I hope this form has spell check..if it doesn't please excuse my mistakes..lol)

Hap-Hap-Happy Feet!

[A Work in Progress]

Hi Happy, welcome! You are doing GREAT! This is a very challenging situation... there are a lot of folks here who are working within the MWO program, with spouses at home who are drinking... some spouses supportive, some not... There is an entire thread devoted to people supporting each other around this issue.... anyone here? where is it? Also, I'd suggest you jump into one of the newcomers' threads, or one of the 30-day abstinence threads, do some more reading and posting, and get to know people here. It will help tremendously.

best wishes,

wip

[KBCE]

Welcome and CONGRATULATIONS! You are very strong indeed and you CAN do this. I believe your hubby is feeling threatened by your new found sobriety, maybe? Years and years ago, I quit drinking (I am trying once again ODAT!!!) and my ex-husband could not handle it. He did not like the confidence I had, nor the clarity. Unfortunatley, after we divorced, he kept on that road and started to do drugs as well which led to his death this past April. I digress...after I stopped, his drinking escalated. He was sooooo angry and would say things like "you think you're so much better than me," yada yada yada. He wanted me to be a drunk mess so he would not look so bad. I hope your husband is stronger than my ex. Hopefully he will see your new found clarity, health and happiness and find that it is something he WANTS too! I don't have any advice, this was just my experience. You seem very very strong and have your act together. I see great things happening for you in your new found sobriety...AND hopefully your husband as well. My best wishes to you in this situation!

K

[startingover]

Hi Happy. Welcome to you!
I was worried how hub would react when I first gave up the booze too. My situation is similar to yours 20 + years of hub and me drinking. Over the weeks he has come to see me become happier and happier (mostly) and I think that puts him at ease. He is also drinking less (except for a big blip last weekend )
I think that any big change takes some time for everyone to come to terms with. It is a big learning curve for both of you. My advice would be to just give it time.
Take care and good luck - you are doing great !

[Gia]

Welcome Happy,

Good for you on the 9 days so far! I think your husband would you like you to have just one drink with him, for a few reasons probably. You always drank together so it is comfortable for him, it's familiar territory..and the second, because perhaps he is envious that you have made the decision to quit and that one drink you share with him might help take some of guilt away from drinking alone. But, I've just read that little bit of you so I am trying to read what I can from it.

You did what was right for you, and that's good. You did not put any expectation on him or even force his hand, as that never works. He will either quit in his own time, or perhaps not at all. Only time will tell. This is a great place to be for wanting to either quit completely, or moderate. I wish you all the best.

[tlrgs]

stay strong and think positive

[Happy Feet]

Originally Posted by A Work in Progress

Hi Happy, welcome! You are doing GREAT! This is a very challenging situation... there are a lot of folks here who are working within the MWO program, with spouses at home who are drinking... some spouses supportive, some not... There is an entire thread devoted to people supporting each other around this issue.... anyone here? where is it? Also, I'd suggest you jump into one of the newcomers' threads, or one of the 30-day abstinence threads, do some more reading and posting, and get to know people here. It will help tremendously.

best wishes,

wip

Thanks Good People. Shoot, I tried to look for a thread that could lead me to some answers but I guess I put my shovel down too early.

Hopefully your shout out will have someone post the thread you speak of.

To everyone..thank you for your responses. I had not thought about the fact that he may not like drinking alone because of the unfamiliarity of it. I have noticed that he goes into the kitchen to be alone to have his drink. You hit the nail right on the head!

This is a great community. I have been a avid news reader since way back in webtv land. I really haven't found any groups that I have enjoyed until I came across this community.

[shelbysmiles]

Welcome Happy Feet! Congratulations on nine days!
Your hubby is missing his drinking buddy it sounds. I think that is normal. It sounds like you are handling it very well.
There is a thread on spouses who drink. I'll try to find it and bump it up for you.
Good luck, you are doing great!

[aclassicgirl]

Like has been said- he could come around. It was a couple of days before my husband even addressed it and he said-- Just don't ask me to stop drinking. And I said- Okay. It's been about a month and he has been drinking less and offering more positive comments.
It's baby steps for us all! Remember that movie What About Bob? That is a funny one!
There is truth to baby steps!
Welcome, Happy Feet!
**aclassicgirl

[Lila]

hi Happy Feet

I would say he is feeling threatened.
And, welcome to this site! It is good company, and I have been helped thru some rough days.

Lila