I Hate Myself - WHY???

[Georgie Girl]

Oh, yes, Happy Days - buy it, guzzle it to get rid of it while vowing to not do it again, but inside you know you will.
Shame is the basis for all this - ashamed I am here, ashamed I can't seem to do anything to control it, shame at my behaivor, etc. Perhaps tomorrow it will be better and I will feel better about myself and what I have to do. Thanks again.
GG

[Popeye]

Hi Georgie Girl, and welcome.
You asked how you can work out why you hate yourself. I tried working that out to and came to the conclusion that I couldn't and that the thing to focus on was what could I do to make myself start to like myself again.
Apart from the more obvious benefits of life without alcohol, like a clean liver, no hangovers and a clearer than usual conscience, drinking always accentuated the negative thoughts and emotions in me and getting a grip of that problem has helped me to see things in their proper light, not one tinted black or blue by my over-active, drunken brain. I've always had problems with wanting to be accepted but I neglected to make myself acceptable to me.
I've had to take time; sober time, to evaluate the way I feel about many things and it's not all pretty, but it's always been honest and real and I couldn't deal with problems if I didn't know what I'd done or said, but now I can. I'm so much calmer and though I do still get angry, it's only occasionally, and not often with myself.
It's a long road, but we may be here for a long time so why not enjoy the journey.
Good luck.

[Wagoneer]

Georgie, I am right there with you. I am letting the stresses of my work filter into my home life and I end up drinking a bottle of wine. I am so depressed and sad at myself I don't know what to do. Tomorrow is another day. And it will be a better one if I don't drink a glass or two tonight. Good luck - you can do this. I hope I can.

[Tulipe]

The worst is hiding it - I really think you drink more when trying to hide it - just because you want it away with and gone, you don't want anyone else to find out about the problem.
Happy days, so true!
Georgie and our other friends, let's get this in order!

[blinder]

Hey Georgie, hope you find the support here that you need. It has certainly been wonderful for me. It seems easier for us to dislike ourselves and its harder for us to see how amazing we really are, especially while we are trying to beat the monster. Take one day at a time and try to be kind to yourself, you are amazing because you're you! Best wishes

[Brave Hearted]

Hi georgie you are in the right place here, I too have walked in your shoes for many years and wrecked many a relationship because of my drinking, there is only so much anybody can take. I can only speak for myself I have done the self loathing, hating myself for many years. I have done councelling and realsie I hate myself because I drink not because I am bad, it was then a visious cirlce, but somebody said to me I was a poor me drinker ! poor me poor pour me a drink ! make sense ? there are no answers at the bottom of a bottle. I too come from a long line of drinkers but for me I have discovered baclofen it sorts your brain out. Thats what wrong with us our brains are wired up wrong we are not bad or weak, we have an illness, like I said simplified bad brain wireing. I have been a distructive social drunk for over 30 years I have held my life togehter working kids etc but al has destroyed me inside. But last Aug I discovered on this site baclofen ( i have tried all the other stuff cd's meditation the other meds which for some work but not for me) and it has truely chnged my life. Just my experience but if I can help one other person by telling my experience I will be more than happy because there is a key to get out of the hell hole al puts you in and for me it baclofen. Read the post on here about it and all the other stuff out there and find something that feels right for you and dont give up if one thing does not work try another ! For the first time on 30 years I feel like a normal person and its bloody great !!! good luck and post all you want as long or short we have all been there use this sight to your best advantage its the best place in the world which I believe has truely saved my life as I was getting to the stage where I did not want to carry on ! So be brave look around find what works dontt expect miracles and good luck ! and keep us all posted on your progress and if you have any blips dont be embarred to come on and get support we have all done that !

[brittzak]

I wasted alot of time trying to figure out how and why and dissecting my problem to death. The fact is it was here...all that did for me wasx keep me drunk. When I finally just let go of the pain and let goodness back in my heart, that is when it stopped for me. There are really good things about each and everyone one of us. Focus on magnifying those good things instead of torturing yourself as to WHY you have bad things going on. They are bad...put them behind you.

[shirazgirl]

Hey GG,
You may want to mention to your husband that you would appreciate him not asking you to drink. Let him know you are really trying to change. Personally, I found that self loathing and alcoholism go hand in hand. Before I began my drinking career about five years ago, I never woke up and hated myself. As my disease started to progress, I actually considered suicide a few mornings after blackouts and knowing that I had done and said some pretty hurtful to my husband. I would have NEVER though I would be someone who would actually want to off myself. I was always to happy and confident.

I believe al shreds our ability to love ourselves. We become out of control and desperate. I think we create the cycle of drinking to numb our inner loathing and it becomes deeper and deeper.

You are not a bad person. You are worth loving. You just have to go back and find the you that you want to be. We can't medicate that person, we need to let them grown on their own terms.

Hope you stick around..