I should be able to do this...

[ploby]

(I originally posted this thread in another forum but decided it was better suited to this one. So, here it is again.)

I've never posted anything before but have been have spent a lot of time reading other people's for about 3 months, going back and forth thinking I will be OK to thinking that I really need some help. Like many other people, I started drinking in high school and continued into college and graduate school. But, I didn't drink anymore than anyone else and actually less than most of my friends. However, most of them seemed to have "outgrown" the drinking as they have begun to have careers and families while my drinking has continued and increased greatly. It is ironic because I have a wonderful husband and two girls and while we have the typical stresses over finances, etc, our life is wonderful. I have a loving and very involved extended family as well. Really, I have no reason to drink. But, my drinking has increased greatly over the last 5 years to the point where I drink a 1/2 to 1 bottle of wine a day. I still function and don't usually get to the point where I "feel drunk" and out of control b/c my tolerance is so high but I do know it is affecting me and my family in terms of my energy level and patience. I also know it's not healthy and, while I am not overweight, I weigh 10 lbs more than I would like to because of the wine. I have begun drinking during the day and "hide" my wine in a regular glass so it is not obvious to my children that I am drinking. However, they know enough to ask what I am drinking before asking if they can have a sip of something so I guess I'm not "hiding" it very well. My daughters are 6 and 9 and I really want them to have a healthy attitude about drinking before they enter their teens and young adulthood but I know that I am not being a good role model for them right now. But, I just can't seem to stop. Also, I did not mention that I am a school counselor and while I know in my heart that drinking problems do not discriminate, my head believes that I should "know better" and be able to handle this. I really think I can get to the point of moderation but I can't seem to get any AF days under my belt, even if it's just one glass of wine. I downloaded the MYO book and tried the L-glut and Kudzu sporadically but have not noticed any difference in the cravings. Do they have to build up in your system? I know there is no magic answer but any insight or support that I can get here would be very appreciated. Thank you for listening!

[shelbysmiles]

Welcome,Ploby!
I, too have a wonderful life with no apparent reasons to drink. It's good that you are reaching out here. Try to get 30 days. After that you will no more about yourself and moderating.
Good luck with your goals!

[HealerHealing]

Just keep your goals present in your mind, stay focused and believe in yourself.

[Nurseindistress]

Hi,
I have noticed that if I follow the plan (I ordered the starter kit), that the craving really are easier to manage. I used to CRAVE a drink when I got home at night and not be able to resist. Now I think about it, but (if I am having a good day) I can deal OK with not drinking without feeling obsessed. I am slipping up at times, but I feel a notable difference--I don't CRAVE it, I chose it sometimes because that is what I am used to doing. I hope to correct this with time. You seem not to be drinking a lot, but if you feel you need to drink every day and are having a hard time not drinking, then it seems to me you need to get this under control now. Just an observation from personal experience. Anyway, it is an evolution, not something that happens overnight for some of us. So, you can do it and get better if you keep working at it. Don't feel discouraged.

[Bandit]

Hi Ploby

I can relate to the drink increasing over the last few years - it does just creep up on you and I am now at the stage where I buy two bottles of wine as I know I will panic as the one will not be enough - more if my Hubby is also going to be drinking it. It has just become my way of coping with home, work etc, but of course it is not helping me cope at all. I have to find another way of dealing with the norms of day to day stress.
It is good that you recognise that the level of drinking has increased and that you want to do something about it. I am not really in a position to give any advice as I have had quite a bad past week or two but I am back in the driving seat again.
Wishing you the best.

Bandit

[tlrgs]

stay strong and think positive you can do thid good luck

[Doggygirl]

Welcome ploby - glad you found us! Thank you for sharing your situation. You will find many people here with LOTS in common with you. You are right - addiction does not descriminate.

You raise a very interesting point that gets pondered a lot by everyone here - "what's my reason for drinking?" Everyone has figured out their own way with this question. For me - I feel a lot like you. My life is good. Mr. Doggy and I have our own business which was our goal for a long time. We live in an awesome home that we can picture outselves living in forever. So why did I end up a drunk? I've pondered that a lot over the last 1+ year and here is what I believe. While I had any number of other reasons to drink when I first started drinking in my teens (to fit in, to "loosen up" in social situations, etc. etc.) the reason I drank recently is because I am addicted to alcohol. I became a daily drinker, an early day drinker (I can relate to the "glass trick" you describe), a drinker for all occassions - happy, sad, mad, etc. My reasons for drinking recently really have zero to do with the reasons I drank 20 opr 30 years ago. Just food for thought so maybe you don't drive yourself nuts looking for "reasons" (other than possible addiction) in the midst of an otherwise good life.

It was difficult for me to face the fact that indeed, I have a serious addiction to alcohol. There are negative stereotypes that go with the word "addiction" - but those didn't scare me. What REALLY scared me was the realization that if I'm addicted, then I have to stop - for good.

This is all stuff that you will have to contemplate for yourself, and my situation may not be yours. As another poster pointed out - it's not how MUCH alcohol you drink that is necessarily the problem, it's the inability to treat alcohol with a true "take it or leave it" approach that is the problem.

To get maximum benefit from the MWO tools, I recommend doing the program as outlined. The one thing that I considered optional was prescription meds. And if I used ALL the other elements of the program and still couldn't get at least 30 days AF together, I would have added the meds. Part of the supplement recommendation is curbing cravings with L-Glut and Kudzu, but a BIG part of it is also healing the damage we have done to ourselves. I take the full range of recommended supplements and I really think that helps. (but is not magic as you pointed out!!)

Well, enough of my long posting!!! I wish you the very best and encourage you to consider the hypno CD's, exercise, getting sugar out of your diet, and all the other stuff in the toolbox. And 30 days AF, no matter what. Then you will be in a better place to decide what to do next.

DG
Day 85 Alcohol and Hangover Free (if I can, you can!)

[bald headed old guy]

Let me echo tlrg's statement!
A) Welcome to the world's best support sytem;
B) you CAN do this, take it one day at a time. Read and post..it helps...
Stay Strong
BHOG

[ploby]

Thank you to everyone who has responded to my post. You are all very caring and it helps so much to know that I am not alone. Part of the reason I was finally able to reach out and post was that I saw myself in so many of your stories. There is also such shame surrounding this, that to be able to finally say it (or post it) out loud actually feels good. Yes, for me the scary part is not necessarily how much I drink (although I know it is quite a bit) but it is the obsession about it and "having" to drink. I'm going to read through the book again and start being more consistent about taking my supps and exercising and go from there. You all give me strength!

[ploby]

Ok - it's 3:30 and I've just had my first craving of the day. But, instead of giving in to it, I poured myself a diet Coke with my l-glut and came here to post. It's a small step, I know, but one in the right direction!