Low... I'm just low.

[lil.michelle]

Hi everyone.
I'm really low today. This past week and a bit has been hell. My 9 month old came down with an ear infection in BOTH ears and a throat infection. We had to rush her to A&E after getting temperatures of 39.9 which i couldn't get down. So after many sleepless nights, constant crying and the horrible feeling complete hopeless as there was nothing i could do to make it all go away. A mother should never have to feel that way, hear her baby screaming in pain and not being able to do anything. Anyway, she is now better but yesterday i found a lump and totally freaked out (my husband has ONLY JUST been cleared from cancer) and i cracked. My drinking is bad and i know this sounds silly, but a hug from someone who knows the pain that comes along with drinking problems and some wise words would really help.

I said thank you to my husband for staying with me through my trouble and fight and he said... you don't make it easy. He was really loving but that really stuck and i just burst into tears. He's completely right.

I'm doing my best, i've read the book, i've ordered the supplements. I'm still waiting for them. I also ordered antabuse but i'm waiting for that too.

I had a AF night the other night and i was soo happy and proud. Something that is normal for most people is one hell of an achievement for me. I put a smiley face sticker in my calendar to mark the day *lol*

I hope everyone else is feeling better then me. Thanks so much for being there for me, listening to me rant and taking the time to read and respond. I'm soooo grateful and blessed to have found this site.

[startingover]

Hi Michelle, you have so much on your plate at the moment it is hardly surprising you feel down. I hate to say this but the drinking will only make you more depressed. It will ease you for a short time and then make everything seem even worse.
I know what it's like to find lumps, be surrrounded by cancer and wonder what the hell is going on. It's horrible hon, but drinking will NOT make it better.
Remember how happy and good you felt through an af day? You can do that again. It will be one less problem to worry about.
Keep reading and do EVERYTHING within your power to keep you off the booze. When your supps and antabuse arrive it will take some of the pressure off you.
Good luck and stay close
Startingover x

[Gia]

Michelle, are you able to talk to someone face to face? You are going through too much at once and help is always good. My little one had colic and reflux the first 6 months of her life; 24/7. I was heading for a breakdown. After that it just kept snowballing and my drinking got worse. I had no real support from my soon to be ex., he was to work driven. What you're dealing with should not be done alone. You know we are all here for you, no matter what. ((hugs))
Have you been to a doctor about your depression and anxiety? I understand where you are coming from, I truly do. And when your child is involved the pain you feel..you can't measure.

[Suzanna]

Oh Michelle, I know what it feels like to be down, overwhelmed by it all, I really do. What helps me is to just deal with today, or even right now, do what I can to make now better, dealing with one thing at a time and not keep looking or anticipating trouble in my future. Take help where you can get it. Don't drink, just today, and feel good about that. I wish I could be there to give you a hug, please accept this cyber hug!! Suz

[sounddad]

Michelle don't give in My son suffered from chronic ear infections for the first 3 months of his life and it was unbearable, it got so bad that he had to have surgery and then all the crying stopped and my happy little guy came back to us! I tried to drink it all away and it didn't help at all and I guess that is te reason we are all here. Stay strong you are going to be alright , we all are

[Gia]

All us Mom's and Dad's are here for you Michelle..
Our children are our hearts running outside our bodies.

[HealerHealing]

Just keep hanging in. As for your little ones pain I have found GREAT results with Hylands Homeopathis remidies. The one for teething is amazing, as is the one for colds. The cool thing is there are no dangers or side affects so you can use it right along with what the dr gave you. The teething one is so calming and I used it for other things as well. Also Wally's Ear oil. You warm it a bit and put a couple of drops in. If you cant find it mullien oil works as well. The thing I love about wallys is it has garlic as well which is an antimicrobial. Having a baby in pain is not easy for sure!

[lil.michelle]

Thank you everyone. I'm starting to feel better just reading the posts.

Gia -- Yes i have seen the doctor about me depression. I was on tablets for months and went back as i was still struggling and he put me on a higher dose which has helped me a bit. I feel more relaxed on them. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I talk to my husband about it but he's never had a problem or an addiction so he can't really truly know how hard it is. My father has a drinking problem but he's been in denial for years. He thinks it's normal to drink 1 1/2 to 2 bottles a night so apart from the people on this site, i'm pretty much alone. I know i'll get through this, i just need to get my hands on my supplements!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Peanut]

My heart goes out to you Michelle! It is so distressing not being able to do anything when your child is in pain - my kids are older now, but I remember those difficult, stressful times. Are you going to get that lump checked?? I have a mole on my back and a new one on my cheek, and I am fearful about them, so need to get to the dr to check them out. My ex just had a mole removed that turned out to be cancer, so I am quite paranoid!
I let myself down and drank wine last night. I think we have to try to remember, really hard, how good we feel when we don't drink, how proud and happy we are. I just can't figure out why the memory of those good feelings is not enough to stop me from drinking and feeling badly!!! It's a conundrum!!!
xoxo Peanut

[Gia]

I completely agree, if someone doesn't have a problem they can't relate in anyway to what you are going through; physically or mentally.
I hope you get your supps fast!