Welcome to My Way Out ! Were glad you found us. Please remember this forum does not replace medical advice. We urge to you seek professional help, especially if you are experiencing symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. Look here for information about what to expect based on how much you're drinking. We hope you will register as a user in our forum and take advantage of the many rich resources here. Join our community today! It's fast, simple, anonymous and absolutely free!


Go Back   My Way Out Forums > Introduction & General Discussion > Just Starting Out?
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 08-11-2008, 05:04 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 117
Gallery: 0
Default Suicide and the stay at home mom.

There is one word that sums up the last 4 weeks of my life: BENDER. There were some sober days in there but in general, that word has been my noun and verb. And do you know what? I like it. I am sick of being told no and of telling myself no. Do you know why? Because shit stinks whether I'm sober or drunk. And pain hurts, fear scares, insults scar. Life is a business. Profit and loss. I am a slip though the cracks kinda girl. And I don't mind that so much but I'm afraid I might drag others through those cracks with me. Two little future men. Two little boys who (god help them) seem to need me and want me. To them I am great. No matter what. It's black and white. In their eyes, I am white, not black. In my eyes, I am oozing, spreading black. Are children crazy or are they able to see beauty in the grotesque. Two days ago I tried to make a list detailing why I shouldn't kill myself. The only reason I could come up with was that my little boys would be immersed in fear, pain and insults. To soon it seems when they have an entire lifetime to soak in that bath. So that is why I'm here. I resent it but I accept it. I suppose that is why we have kids - so that we have an excuse NOT to .... whatever, something... who has the guts to say it. Not me. That's cruel. Putting my life or death on the shoulders of innocent little kids. So, what to do? Hold on and postpone the inevitable? What's the most humane? Are they better equiped to handle it now or later?
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 08-11-2008, 05:07 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,521
Gallery: 0
My Mood:
Default

NM, you are in a lot of pain, and I am concerned you may also be putting your kids at risk. Is there anyone else at home with you, with your children? Is there anyone you can talk to TODAY who can help you get some serious help, right away? Please let us know.


wip
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 08-11-2008, 05:12 PM
shelbysmiles's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: CA
Posts: 1,416
Gallery: 7
Recipes: 4
Blog Entries: 1
Default

It is hard. And yes, they do see only the good when they are young. They are resiliant and forgiving. But, it will not last. You have got to get yourself together. No one said that it would be easy. But I do believe that it will be worth it.
They will love you until you can love yourself.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 08-11-2008, 05:15 PM
Chelle12's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: North East UK
Posts: 1,029
Gallery: 5
My Mood:
Recipes: 3
Default

NM... Simple answer... your kids need you.
No question about it.

How would they feel if you weren't there for them?
You're "Mum"...you're their Whole Life.

Believe me... I've been there... Ive been a single mum for 13 years and it IS worth it.
You may feel like shit at times, but your children need you..

SO many times Ive spent the night ' inside a bottle', but so glad I managed to wake up the next day alive and to try again.

Be there for them.. and relish that goodnight kiss and hug that is so needed.... both for them AND for you

C
__________________
I am playing all the right notes... But not necessarily in the right order.....
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 08-11-2008, 05:31 PM
akgirl's Avatar
Just Chillin'
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,822
Gallery: 2
My Mood:
Default

As a fellow Mom I am sending you love and support.
__________________
I'm not as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 08-11-2008, 05:42 PM
Bambi's Avatar
We all need a Friend!
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 376
Gallery: 0
My Mood:
Default

Dear Noma'am,

Stay Strong! Reading through some of your old posts you are a strong Lady! You can pull yourself back up, we all can! It is hard, but we have to do it for our kids.....THEY NEED US! YOUR KIDS need and WANT YOU!

I am a stay at home Mom also. It is the hardest job in the world with little to no credit. But we are doing a wonderful thing just like all the other Mom's out there working or not.

Please get the help that you need! .......and Let us help you if we can....

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sending you lots of Hugs,
Love, Bambi
__________________
"When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable." -- Walt Disney

Last edited by Bambi; 08-11-2008 at 05:43 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 08-11-2008, 06:07 PM
vera-b's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 709
Gallery: 0
My Mood:
Default

Noma'am,

I echo WIP - your post is so full of pain that I can feel it. I encourage you to seek a real person to talk to immediately, preferably a professional. Your life is precious whether you feel that way at the moment or not. I'm not surprised that your sons look at you the way God does - as his beloved creation. The eyes of a child are God-like in that way - we should take our cue from them!

I hope that with encouragement from your MWO family and the expertise of a professional you will come to realize that every single life matters. That lives have purpose. That love is at the center of our being and is meant to be shared and cultivated with others. That when we radiate love we set off all kinds of positive energy in the universe and it comes back to us tenfold. That little boys need a Mother who loves them and herself. That this is all possible even when we're at our lowest. That alcohol, drugs, and other crutches are a delusion. And yes, shit stinks, which is why we flush it.

V.
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 08-11-2008, 06:38 PM
river0123's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: MN
Posts: 671
Gallery: 0
My Mood:
Default

Noma'am,
My heart hurts just reading your post. I understand the utter despair you are feeling, your post could have been me 14 years ago. Please realize this is a temporary situation and each day is a new chance to start over. I know those are "just words", but I think we are all trying to reach out and can't really do much other than give you online support. There are professionals who can truly help, and I'm so grateful to the friend who convinced me to finally go for help. She saved my life. As much as you dearly love your boys, the stress of motherhood is tremendous and a real trigger for many of us.

My brother committed suicide ten years ago. As an adult I still can not deal with it. I feel so terribly sad for the despair he felt, and the despair you are now feeling. Please allow yourself to be helped.

And remember what another on said on here before: GOD DOES NOT MAKE JUNK
Love to you!
__________________
You, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect. ~ Buddha
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 08-11-2008, 06:47 PM
IAD's Avatar
IAD IAD is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Maryland, USA
Posts: 20,645
Gallery: 4
My Mood:
Recipes: 6
Default

Noma....even animals seek his help ! Think about it.....if you take your life how can you take care of your problems here on earth ! You can only solve problems in the here and now ! We are here to help. Check us out ! IAD.
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel because
those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 08-11-2008, 06:51 PM
CS04's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,749
Gallery: 0
Recipes: 5
Default

Nomaam, you are a strong and funny person -- I loved your posts earlier about WalMart! Many of us are starting -- again -- today with Day 1. Your community most likely has a suicide hotline # -- please call it and talk to someone.

Your kids love you. It will get better.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On




All times are GMT -2. The time now is 05:47 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.1.0

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32