scared, pissed, and ranting

[maasai]

hie larisa, am sure you will be fine, just try and look far beyond the Topa since one thing is clear you wont need it foreve, CS has a very good point that Topa is just a tool,
cravings can forsure hit and hit badly but the suffering you will undergo is far much less than the one we have all been through while drinking,
personaly i would rather die becouse of cravings rather than drinking again" you can do it beleave it, and say that to yourself,

[DeeBee]

Hi Larrissa,

I too ran out of Topa and only 3 days into going AF (I was on it for 3 months whilst modding) and it also scared the crap out of me. I didn't repleshish my stock due to the cost and financial restraints this month but you know what, I am still AF without the Topa!! I have got my Kudzu, GABA and L-Glut and i am doing just fine. So just wanted to re-assure you that it can still be done. I think alot of it is in the head, I'm not saying the Topa doesn't work - I am a huge fan and I don't believe I would never have gotten to where I am without but maybe if you try the supps until the Topa arrives you can make sure that AL does not enter you life?

[Larisa]

I am overwhelmed by your compassion and support - thank you so much! Yes, I am going to make it, one way or another - I especially know that after reading these posts by all you strong souls. I am so blessed to have you to lean on in a stressful time. My topa's on the way, and in the meantime, I'll keep your words in front of me to keep me steady.

You're all right; cravings are just cravings and are certainly not worse than the hellish prison of alcohol.

Thank you!

[Ask For Help]

Hi Larisa:

I've been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. Fine I hope. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help until the topa arrives.

Fondly,

Ask

[marbella]

Hi Larisa

A quit smoking book I found very useful suggests when a craving hits, just go into it- don't try to fight it or resist it in anyway, just feel it as much as you can and try to sit with it for as long as you can. This is an amazing tool, because when you try to do this- it disappears

I am sure you wont get cravings anyway, 70 plus days is a long time, all the old habits and AL should be well out of the system now- the doctors here say 90 days on Antebuse is enough for just about 90% of alcoholics by then the new lifestyle is well enough established that they are unlikely to slip.

I am sure you will be fine.

[Larisa]

Hi, guys, thank you for remembering about me! No, my topa STILL isn't here yet! I think it's actually on the way now - at least the tracking no. is registering at USPS, although it doesn't seem to have entered the country yet.

I don't know if I had actual cravings or not; I know I had PANIC, haha! I thought about drinking an awful lot, and felt sorry for myself, and thought really constructive, adult things like, hell with it, if I do everything I'm supposed to, and it still doesn't cooperate with me, I might as well just drink! Not proud of that, just telling on myself here, hehe.

And then some topa seems to have magically appeared from out of the sky, courtesy of the topa angels of MWO...funny how things like that can happen, especially when you don't deserve them! So I'm covered until mine gets here, and I'm humbled, and I'm very touched that you came back to check and see how I was doing. Thank you for that and for your words of encouragement. You are so much better than nasty ol' wine anyday!

[Dolly Sunshine]

Well good for you!! You have done so well!

[SassyGirl]

People here are wonderful, aren't they Larissa...

I am so glad the angels looked after you.

You deserve it - you have done really great.

xoxox
Sassy

[Doggygirl]

Larisa - I hope your Topa has arrived by now!!! I have no idea what the life span of that stuff is, but I have a supply in my freezer that I never took. (and I don't know if freezing is the right way to store it - maybe someone does.

But...if you think it would be any good (just over 1 year since I got it from River Pharmacy) PM me if this happens again. I'll happily send it to you.

It seems that some may have posted to this thread who might not have read up on Topa. The issue isn't strictly about cravings. Topa has to be carefully titrated up and and down in dose. Not sure what dose Larisa is on (i.e. 25 or even 50 mg might not be a problem) but for folks on higher doses, stopping "cold" is not a good thing.

I know that Topa has helped many people and that is awesome!! Since I was not in a position to involve a doctor, relying on out of country mail order with careful titration is an issue was one of the several reasons I decided not to take it after all.

Maybe that clarification was not relevant...but just in case.

DG

[Larisa]

Thank you, Doggy!! You are wonderful! I don't know when I've felt so loved, and by strangers!

The good news is that I got my topa, and then I got my lost shipment of topa on top of the topa from the topa angels, so I'm rolling in topa and having topa parties, toes and fingers buzzing, cravings controlled, fears subsided, and thanking God and MWO!

Yes, DG, that was also one of my fears. I have a high tolerance to meds, and I was on 300 mg. I had to go crashing down from 300 to 100 to 50, and although I wasn't having any physical symptoms (yet, that I noticed), my emotions were going crazy (psychosomatic, meds, whatever?). I didn't have major trouble with topa dopa when I started, but I was having lots of trouble concentrating/driving/speaking during the week and a few days that I was messing around with the dosage. Anyway, all is well - thanks so much to you all.

And I have a big debt to pay forward - duly noted, My Way Outers, duly noted.