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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 08-06-2013, 08:49 PM
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Mandie, glad to hear about your early progress- the lessening of anxiety on bac can be a real blessing. Obviously, definitely do anything you can to lessen the possibility of driving intoxicated- but we all know that already so I digress

A serious congrats on 17 days AF- especially on the 8 days pre-bac, that must have been tough! A real victory!

I've had some of the same SE's as you. The drowsiness/eyes feeling heavy I get too, whenever I increase my dose, but I usually adjust to it within 3 or 4 days and feel pretty normal after that.

I too have broken out much more since starting bac/having AF days. In my case, hives, not acne. Could be allergies, could be my body adjusting to new medication or to being sober more often. Who knows.

The other SE that we share, I have not read about before on the forums- the jaw pain. It's really annoying and pretty painful and I sure hope it goes away soon. I suspect it's from grinding my jaw while I sleep, which is probably another stress response from my body adjusting to being sober more often. Really hope that one goes away soon!

The other SE you describe, I sure WISH i had- being able to sleep well at night! In your case, without Xanax. That's great. For me, I get insomnia and a shortness of breath throughout the night, so I have to take melatonin and benadryl and that usually does the trick.

Best to you!
Skullbaby




Quote:
Originally Posted by Mandiekinz View Post
Neo, that was a great read! I thoroughly enjoyed it and feel as though I can relate with you at many times.

I stopped going to school at 12 due to social problems/anxiety/depression. I was always an outcast and felt different than everyone else. Docs had me on all sorts of different medicinal cocktails. Ultimately, the addict in me would just crush them up and snort them hoping for some kind of high and I was never responsible enough to take them properly. Even in my 20's of being on and off Zoloft. I never noticed them helping and due to my drinking, I wasn't responsible enough to take them daily. I have a bottle half full from a year ago still sitting in the cabinet.

Today is day 9 of Baclofen, day 17 of sobriety. I am on 30mg a day taken in 3(10mg) doses at 6 hours apart...

I've been so used to doing -everything- drunk including driving and working that I don't feel I can do -anything- sober. The other day, I had to follow my fiance in the truck to take his bike to the shop. Normally, leaving the house I -have- to have a drink(well, being home alone I -have- to have a drink), especially driving(I know, that's horrible). Maybe it was the Bac, maybe it was placebo effect but when that thought hit...it didn't build up, it sort of floated away. Usually the thought would hit me and I was go internally insane trying to figure out any kind of way/manipulation to make that drink happen. But I didn't.

One certain side effect, my eyes get really tired and heavy with the initial onset of each dose, however that effect goes away shortly after. I'm breaking out, possibly due to my body detoxing out the alcohol. I also noticed significantly more hair lost than usual during my shower last night. Stress? Weird weather? My teeth and jaw are pretty sore this morning from grinding my teeth last night. I must have slept pretty hard. However, I have been sleeping straight through the night with no troubles getting to sleep and no help of Xanax the past couple of nights. I'm very grateful for that one! Bring on the jaw pain!
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Old 08-07-2013, 01:28 PM
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Thank you Skullbaby! You're right, the first 8 days were not easy at all. But with starting the Bac, also came HOPE which is really helping me power through the days with a little more ease looking forward to a much better and balanced future.

I'm sad to read that you and many others on here are having trouble sleeping and that shortness of breath feeling. I get that when I detox and it just adds to my anxiety. I can't imagine the frustration getting that nightly, while you're trying your damnedest to build a better life without AL. Does that also go away as you adjust to east dosage?

Also with your hives...I know it is unlikely with Bac but could you possibly be one of the "unluckies" to being allergic to it? I hope that's not the case.

I really appreciate you relating to me, this site is so wonderful in non-judgments and feeling not so alone.

You're right, about adjusting to the meds after 3-4 days. I was so nervous taking my doses yesterday after the SE's from the day prior. However, I felt no need to lay down. Today, nothing so far. Magical!
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 08-09-2013, 07:07 PM
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Day 13 of Bac...still at 30mg.

I'm feeling the urge to move up in dosage before I'm scheduled to on Sunday. All negative SE's from prior are no longer present. I feel pretty normal.

My coffee intake is still down...which completely blows my mind. I had 1 SMALL cup today! WTH?! I'm not trying to quit my coffee. I love my coffee and no one can tell me I'm not allowed to drink it. With the exception of treatment centers. Bastards strip you clean of everything! I have noticed I do have a bit more energy to tackle tasks around the house without the ambition of coffee. Strange thing is I'm actually doing things around the house without talking myself out of it. Right now, I'm in the process of scraping wallpaper in the bathroom to bring it up to date. A project, get finished? It only took me 7 months to finish painting the living room. Mission complete as of earlier this week.

The hope this medicine gives me has been quite the needed blessing.

Yesterday, I found out some awful news. There's more to it and I won't bore the gritty details. However, my daughter got adopted by her step-mother without me even knowing, no notice, or any sort of documentation or ANYTHING! I've been calling around all day trying to find some answers to what the hell happened and how this happened. I mean, this means I'm no longer her mom! I have no rights to see her! I'm not even on her birth certificate! No one can give me answers without a damn case number yet, I never received anything. Anyways, this news had me crushed yesterday, I haven't cried that much in a very long time. What was weird was that I almost had to force my thoughts to want to have a drink. Needless to say, I did not have a drink...and it wasn't all that difficult. Surprisingly. I did cheat though, by 8pm I just wanted to sleep it away and popped a couple of xanax(.5mg). I didn't have anxiety when I got the news, which is shocking. Normally, anxiety would just skyrocket leading me to a bottle and self destruction. I was just simply...sad. Very, very sad.

I'm looking forward to moving up on my dosage. I'm feeling a change coming on...and it's a change that is invited.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2013, 10:14 AM
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Day 17 on Baclofen. Day 25 AF.

I've been on 50mg since Sunday. 20mg at 8am/10mg at 2pm/20mg at 8pm.

No nausea, no headache, no eyes rolling to the back of my head. By midnight I fall asleep like a baby with no aide of Xanax. My jaw does still hurt from clenching it at night. I've always had problems clenching it through out the day but not this bad in my sleep to where my jaw is sore. I'm also still bustling around with ample energy.

I feel like I'm really lucking out with the side effects so far. As I know that many on here were not so lucky and I was expecting some very similar results.
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 08-15-2013, 12:53 PM
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Sounds like you're doing great, Mandie! How is it feeling now that you have some time AF? Is life pretty challenging, manageable, both?

SO great to hear that you are lucky in regards to SE's. I too still have the pain in my jaw from clenching at night, but it's finally starting to go away. A pain in the jaw is certainly worth all the benefits of being sober, no?

As for me, I don't think I'm allergic to the bac because other than the few SE's I seem to tolerate it well. And the SE's that I do have are thankfully lessening every day. I hardly notice them now.

Best to you!
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 08-19-2013, 01:08 PM
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Thanks Skullbaby! So glad the SE's are lessening and that you're now 10 days AF!!! That's so wonderful!!!

23 days on BAC, 31 days AF..

As of yesterday, I'm on 70mg/day (25mg in the AM/20mg afternoon/25mg around 8 pm)...

I was pretty active yesterday to notice too much of a difference in going up 20mg. Although, by the afternoon...hiking up hillsides, I was feeling fairly week and mildly dizzy. Then again, I didn't have much for a lunch. My coffee intake is STILL down, so it can't possibly be just some placebo stint. Still at 1 cup a day. That's 11 cups less than usual. A part of me wants to try that out with AL, however, b/c my mind thinks like that...it probably means I shouldn't try it.

I've only felt uncomfortable anxiety once through this...that was last night, getting myself worked up and worried sick about Dr.L. That's NORMAL anxiety though, right? I mean, it would be totally abnormal to not have anxiety ever. Of course, no thoughts of drinking slammed to my forefront.

I was at my fiance's brother in law's welcome home party on Saturday, surrounded by drunk folks and the sweet scent of beer breath. I kept thinking about alcohol, but I wasn't getting that uncontrollable rise of frustration urging me to get it. I wasn't arguing myself in my head the whole time. Just the random thoughts of "drink?" ..."Nah" I think it also helped that I was surrounded by people that know of my alcoholism and know that it would hurt my fiance if I got a drink.

I have no money, all the extra cash in the house (and change) is stored safely away from me in the gun safe that I do not have the code to. This is done to keep me from running to the store for alcohol while the fiance is away at work and to keep me from getting wasted and pulling out the fire arms. So usually when I come across random change, I always pick it up and "stash" it. hah. Pathetic? I have noticed that I do still look at change that is on the ground or randomly laying around, but I don't pick it up to stash away for safe keeping for when I have the urge to go drink.

I'm still up in energy. I get. shit. done. Although, I seem to lack physical balance at times. I'm a pretty fit person, athletic and normally great with coordination and balance (except when I'm wasted or detoxing). The other day while I was on the bathroom vanity painting the edges, I completely fell off of it and landed myself in the bathtub. I also did the same thing the day prior only off of a chair. So, no heights for me. If I turn around too fast, I have to grab something to hold myself up or I'll kiss the ground.

My jaw is pretty sore still. I sleep so hard, definitely dreaming hard as well. The jaw pain seems to subside by the end of each week. Then, I up my dose again...and it all starts back up.

Still no need for the xan every night, I seem to fall asleep around 3-3.5 hours after my last dose of Bac fairly easy. I did kind of cheat again the other night. I read a very sad email from my pops who is currently working in the middle east...he was talking about my daughter and I started crying again. My fiance ran and got me a xan, I was too upset to speak. He hates seeing me upset. He's such a great man. I just took it and went to bed. I'm not entirely fair to myself on this journey of sobriety to still try and block out "bad" emotions. It was just pure sadness though, no crazy amounts of anxiety came up. I'm gonna have to start taking the "bad" emotions and handle them maturely like any other "normal" person out there. Embrace the suck.

After the events with what's going on with Dr. L, I've decided to finally call a local doc. as I run out of meds next week. I have an appt. on Friday, I can only hope she'll let me continue on with this therapy. I've called 100 other numbers that are quasi near by...disconnected phones? All of them? Impossible.

I'm still sending Dr. L positive thoughts...I wish I could just give him a big hug. I'm originally from Chicago, I might just have to take a trip up there. In any case, it might be therapeutic. Anyone wanna join? He could use our love and support and maybe a few good laughs. I'm sure he feels like he's let us down. I don't feel like that's the case.
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Old 08-23-2013, 03:46 PM
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Hey Mandie- been a few days since we've seen you on MWO, how are you doing?

I really relate to your posts, your last one in particular. If you've read my thread recently, you know that I too am trying to navigate the inevitable sadness or anxiety that comes with life's challenges. Embrace the suck, as you say. Live with it, accept it, rise above it and do what I can to help the situation or at least remain strong/positive. "Strong and positive" has become my new mantra that I chant in my head whenever I go down a rabbit hole of sadness to remind myself that everything will be OK. It seems to help, and gets me up and moving.

Great job on the party, by the way. Great to hear that the alcohol cravings were manageable, sounds like bac is working for you

I agree with you on thoughts of Dr. Levin. Sure wish we could show a bit of gratitude/support to him, though I've read from others that he is retiring and wishes to be left alone at the current time. Maybe we'll hear updates about him soon, but he's sure in my thoughts.

Anyway Mandie, hope you're well
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Old 08-23-2013, 05:14 PM
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Heya, Skullbaby! I'm doing alright. Trying to remain calm. This morning was a whirlwind of talking to all sorts of doctors trying to get ahold of some Bac. I have three days left. This is no bueno. One doc took the paperwork and said she'd look into it and to call her in a couple of weeks. She was intrigued but she refused to fill it for me. She referred me to another doc who referred me to another doc...and just no luck.

I dunno, the thought of losing my baclofen is equivalent to losing my alcohol. Healthy? I should have ordered it a couple of weeks ago when everything first started to go down. I guess I was feeling a little too hopeful that a doc would see that I'm doing fantastic on it and couldn't say no.

"Strong and positive"...it's a great mantra. I actually went to respond to your post this morning but ran out of time to head out for my hour drive to the doc. I'm sorry you're hitting some low points. But you've got to face them eventually, feel that pain and then accept it and move forward. I know it's hard sometimes when you really get stuck in it though, to where it pretty much paralyzes you from doing anything to distract yourself or make progress. The better you do for yourself, the more your loved ones will see it and those old relationships that were once destroyed can be built back up. Only you'll have much more to give and you'll have more control, which is a brilliant feeling.

I hope your weekend is sober and fun! Keep your head held high...there are good things coming.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 08-23-2013, 06:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mandiekinz View Post
Heya, Skullbaby! I'm doing alright. Trying to remain calm. This morning was a whirlwind of talking to all sorts of doctors trying to get ahold of some Bac. I have three days left. This is no bueno. One doc took the paperwork and said she'd look into it and to call her in a couple of weeks. She was intrigued but she refused to fill it for me. She referred me to another doc who referred me to another doc...and just no luck.

I dunno, the thought of losing my baclofen is equivalent to losing my alcohol. Healthy? I should have ordered it a couple of weeks ago when everything first started to go down. I guess I was feeling a little too hopeful that a doc would see that I'm doing fantastic on it and couldn't say no.

"Strong and positive"...it's a great mantra. I actually went to respond to your post this morning but ran out of time to head out for my hour drive to the doc. I'm sorry you're hitting some low points. But you've got to face them eventually, feel that pain and then accept it and move forward. I know it's hard sometimes when you really get stuck in it though, to where it pretty much paralyzes you from doing anything to distract yourself or make progress. The better you do for yourself, the more your loved ones will see it and those old relationships that were once destroyed can be built back up. Only you'll have much more to give and you'll have more control, which is a brilliant feeling.

I hope your weekend is sober and fun! Keep your head held high...there are good things coming.
Hey Mandie- regarding bac, I sent you a PM.

Thanks for the comments regarding the getting through the tough times... I know you are correct and it's all good stuff to keep in mind. Strong and positive!

This weekend will be sober indeed... My antabuse ensures it, and my baclofen takes care of the cravings... between the two, I'm doing well staying sober so far.

Hope your weekend is sober and fun too!
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 08-24-2013, 12:19 AM
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I'm glad that the antabuse is working for you. I've found that the many doctors I've crossed paths with in my past were not fond of that drug nor did they want me taking it. Then again, even in sober-mandie-land, I'm quite the rebel and would likely "test the waters". I'd probably also get excited I lost 10lbs of water weight and try it again. haha. Reading through the threads on here though, it seems to really help some people give that extra push they need to steer clear of the sauce. Also, thank you for your support and help today, Skullbaby.

I've never, ever been a fan of medicines. I've been on and off all sorts of different meds growing up and a few times in my adulthood. Perhaps it was b/c I've never noticed a difference with them. Perhaps it was b/c the meds were always getting changed up, or that I would never take them properly. However, with this Bac...I find that it is easy to take it religiously, that I'm feeling a difference for the better. It blows my mind some of the random things I've noticed that have changed.

I've never really said this to anyone until now...every night and every morning laying in bed since I can remember, I'd always fantasize about a giant blade just coming down from the ceiling and cutting my head off. I'd just keep wishing it would happen. I just wanted my head separated from my body, I guess. I suppose I've never mentioned this b/c I may have thought it was normal due to me always, always having those thoughts. However, last night, I realized that I haven't had those thoughts in about 3 weeks. I've been going to bed soooo peacefully and waking up with such ease.

I've also noticed that I haven't been gorging on food like I usually do through periods of sobriety. I eat till I'm full and then I put it away. I don't go for more, I don't keep circling the kitchen for snacks after dinner, I don't keep getting out of bed for more and more chocolate.

It's only been a month, maybe I'm crazy...but this stuff seems to be changing my life around and the way I live and think quite quickly and quite easily. This is a blessing. You all are a blessing.

Loop came to the rescue today and I'm deeply grateful for it.
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