Sad and alone in my husband's battle

[Tilly23]

Hi there, I'm new to this forum and not really sure how it works, but I would like to hear from someone who has a spouse or loved one who is an alcoholic and won't accept it. My husband has probably been an alcoholic for over 15 years. I think he's worse than ever at the moment and is in self destruct mode. I'm so sad watching this incredibly intelligent man turned to a dribbling baby because of his addictions. He drink drives and it's getting worse. It's just a matter of time before the inevitable, I don't know how he's still here - so sad...

[Suni]

Hi Tilly,
You may feel alone but you are not alone. I have no answers for you, except to say that there is a whole army of people on here wishing you all the love and strength in the world. I can't support your husband but I can support you. You still have hope. It must be hell to live with someone you love who is destroying themselves and the people around them and I am full of admiration for you staying with him but don't let it destroy your hope. Things could change yet.
Alcoholics are often extremely bright people which is sometimes the problem. I wonder if it's the void that they cant face. This is a great place to be and you will get plenty out of being on here from the many regular members who seem to speak right from the heart.

[adi]

Hi Tilly,
I wanted to welcome you and offer my support.

Does your husband still work ?
Does he drink in the evening or is he drinking in the day too?

Have you discussed it with him when he is ober, or is he completely in denial ?
You must try not to let it affect you, and your sanity.
Perhaps sugest to him that you go and give him a few days to think about it.

I would show him this site, or tell him you are worried and are looking it up.
Choose a sober moment though.

Good luck.

[tiptronic_ct]

Hey, Tilly

I could easily have been your husband a few months ago... Thanks to this site & my family, I am alive today, and getting better.

Please, please, please introduce him to this place if you can.

Having said that, he can only get better if he wants it for himself. No easy answers, I'm afraid.

Best of luck to you! Please PM me if you'd like to.

[Tilly23]

Hi there - thanks for your posts. In answer to the questions yes he is still working and he drinks after work, buys a bottle of vodka or wine and drinks it in the car before he goes to casino or pokies to blow money. He doesn't drink in the day but drinks himself into a bad way at least 3 to 4 times a week. Only time he doesn't drink too much is if I am with him 24/7. I'm so sick of it but don't know what to do.

[irish eyes]

Originally Posted by Tilly23

Hi there - thanks for your posts. In answer to the questions yes he is still working and he drinks after work, buys a bottle of vodka or wine and drinks it in the car before he goes to casino or pokies to blow money. He doesn't drink in the day but drinks himself into a bad way at least 3 to 4 times a week. Only time he doesn't drink too much is if I am with him 24/7. I'm so sick of it but don't know what to do.

Tilly living with active alcoholism is too much for most people. It is really important that you concentrate on yourself, your recovery from this dreadful addiction because the reality is that you are affected. It is impossible for you to be with him 24/7 and neither would that be good for him. He has to find his own way. My advice is that u find an AL Anon meeting for yourself. Here you will meet people who are affected and concerned by loved ones drinking and you will get all the emotional support and help that you need at this stressful time.

[crown86]

Tilly

I know the hell your going through because I caused it in my own relationship. Living with an alcholic can be hell. I have caused more wacky insane to say the least alchol related incedences in my relationship than I have hairs on my head. My Fiance screamed at me when sober your an alcholic, cried your an alcholic, tried telling me very very nicely your an alcholic please get help. She tried everything to make me see this. i drank so much one night and passed out she tried to get me up I wouldnt wake up my eyes were rolling in my head she said she called the ambulance. I come to on the stretcher tell them i am going nowhere the abulance crew calls the cops and bang I'm cuffed off to the nut ward locked up for 3 days. I have never been hand cuffed in my life or aressted. I owned my home in the high dollar part of town made a great income...was mortified to think my neighbors saw me come out of my house drunk and hand cuffed. Did that stop me from drinking? Nope. Did that make me think I even had a problem? Nope just thought i had alot going on and I simply had a little too much. The more my fiance bitched and pleaded with me the more I drank..kinda like who the hell are you calling an alcholic watch this I can control it. I really dont know why its so hard for an alcholic to admit theres a problem when there is so much hell going around them and in them. I just could never see it or wanted to admit it. Like calling me and alcholic was like calling me a skid row bum or something. Plus the other big kicker when an alcholic hears hey please stop drinking its like what did you say? for me I drank when times were good or bad happy or sad didnt matter. All the hell around me well there were the good times and some of the best times in my life were when I was drunk with friends and to just think that could never ever happen again? No way your crazy. I was recently speaking to a very good friend of mine i mean very close. We have none each other since kids we are both in our early 40's. He is having the same problems with booze I was having I flat out told him I Think I am alcholic..his problems are IDENTICAL to mine but he was still dancing around the word alcholic. I would never call him one only he can make his mind up. It's insane I know. You are probably wondering what woke me up? She finaly said enough is enough Im out we are done. We were engaged and have been together for 4 years and she was the love of my life. She watched me suffer with depression caused by booze and about drink myself to death. I put her through hell. I was jeckly and hyde. The saddest part about alcholism till the drinker wants help on his own the bottle will win everytime. I am sure you have heard the term hit bottom. The bottom for me was my fiance leaving and me deep down knowing the real reason why. She said over and over its me or that fucking bottle unfortunatly I what appeared to her chose the bottle. I realized too late my addiction had gone too far I had no choice to make anymore the bottle did the choosing for me. I am currently trying to beat alcholism for myself not to try and get her back she has had enough all my empty promises and please baby give me one more chance expired long ago. Her leaving made me realize yes I have a problem with alchol. Yes my life is in a shambles and reality its all over booze. Once i start drinking I cant stop regardless of all the hell that comes along with it. I played all the games with my girl...i will only drink beer..you know its the hard liquor that causes the problems...what do i do? down 15 or so beers then its shot time right in front of her like this time will be different. I then became a verbaly abusive monster out of the blue and so out of chracter for me. My advice to you would be approach him sober tell him your very worried about him and does HE think theres a problem. If he says no then its up to you on how much hell you are willing to put up with till he hits a bottom or ever hits a bottom. That is the sad reality to it. If he says there might be a problem then there are quite a few people here to point you and him in the right direction...I have just come to terms with the fact I am an alcholic so I am in no way qualified to give advice on a method of sobriety..me personally i have just started The sinclair method. I hope it works out for you I know the hell because like I said i have caused it. Good Luck

[palmer]

Originally Posted by Tilly23

Hi there, I'm new to this forum and not really sure how it works, but I would like to hear from someone who has a spouse or loved one who is an alcoholic and won't accept it. My husband has probably been an alcoholic for over 15 years. I think he's worse than ever at the moment and is in self destruct mode. I'm so sad watching this incredibly intelligent man turned to a dribbling baby because of his addictions. He drink drives and it's getting worse. It's just a matter of time before the inevitable, I don't know how he's still here - so sad...

Tilly, This is also my first time and, your headline caught my attention. I feel so trapped in my marriage. Although, it's his addiction one that he won't admit to. I'm the one that's effected by it. It's so exhausting!! I have been looking for a web site to just have someone to talk to. I feel like I'm in his world all by myself. I've lost all the love I once had for him! He has totally destroyed that. I'm not sure I'll ever get it back or at this point if I even want to. Do you go to AA meetings? I never have but, my friend tells me I should.

[Winefree]

Palmer, start a new thread so you get more people to check it out.
I've never gone to Al Anon but my husband did when he was frustrated with MY drinking. He learned that there was nothing he could do for me. I had to want it myself.
You should find many others in your shoes there. Give it a try.

Winefree
since 5/2/09

[AMELIA]

Welcome Palmer,
It really does sound like you could use some support.
Do start a new thread as Winefree suggests.
Check out your local Al Anon meetings and do everything you can to try to keep yourself sane.
I hope your husband does eventually find a way out of his booze hell.
Sober, he would probably be a completely different person to be around.