Struggling and Need Advice

[Perplexed]

!

[Accountable for Me]

Perplexed, welcome. I honestly think you know what to do. You have seen this before with your mom and your ex husband. I am not knocking anyone with a problem, as I have one, but seriously do you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with other's dependencies and having to deal with the 'what is coming next crap'?

I am sure you are a gal with a lot of wonderful qualities and maybe a little too nice at times where these men latch onto it. Kind of like Co-dependency for both parties involved?

You deserve better. You have been there done that. 5 months is not a huge investment in someone. Please do yourself some good and not go down this road again.

If you need someone to talk to we will be here for you.

[Perplexed]

Thank you "Accountable for Me"

I do know what I need to do, I'm just the type of person who tries to look beyond the bad and focus on the good. I guess in a way I'm just looking for comfort. It is destroying me that I actually have to go through with ending things, but in the long run I know I will be much better off. It has definitely been a stressful relationship up to this point and I'm not sure I can deal with much more of it. It's is just so hard for me because I hate hurting people and I know he is going to be hurt.

I have been really distant this week because of the incident on Sunday and he just doesn't understand why. He told me that he has been nothing but good to me and he just doesn't understand why I'm letting this get to me. I agree, he does have a very caring heart and he has been very good to me, however, the alcohol is and will continue to be a major concern and struggle. He has told me over and over that he doesn't want to lose me and this comment alone really destroys me inside because it makes me feel horrible knowing what I'm about to do..... I've cried over and over about it.

[Accountable for Me]

I feel your pain.... just on the opposite end of things. My first husband was such a gooood man. I was the 'blossoming' alcoholic. Your story is very simular to what I had with him, yet I was the person causing the pain. He had no choice, had enough of my excuses and I wasn't ready or willing to give it up, so he left me. I also tried to manipulate with words saying I have always been good to him, but really I wasn't.

Ugh! Brings back reasons why I choose to be alcohol free now.

I know you are in pain. But know it is because you care 'too much!' You are a good person who sees past the disease, but ultimately you are looking into the eyes of disaster. From your story he isn't going to be knocking on sobriety's door anytime soon.

I am sending you 'vibes of confidence' and hoping you will make the choice that is best for you. Sometimes you have to look past today and gage what your future will look like.

You have so much to offer and you can have a wonderful life with a different man. I know it is hard to shut off feelings but in a case such as this, you have to really think about your needs.

[Mags]

Perplexed
I got in on this thread a little late, but I totally agree with what the others have said. I swore to my husband and to myself for years I would stop. But until I absolutely had to did I make the hard committment to actually stop.
What I am trying to say is leave him - tell him if he wants to come back then he has to stop drinking first.
I am so sorry, honey. I know this is very very hard for you. But you have protect yourself now for even more hurt later on.