Suggestions for helping my daughter...

[anxious]

I am right there with you guys that have the kids that are thinking its ok. My 18 yo girl just got a dui and pot plus ectasy. I feel so horrible she has a felony at 18. My son also drank very alcoholically for a while but at 21 he's doing better. I hate that my husband and I passed these genes on to them. I wish I could have life a do over sometimes.

Good luck to all

[Fresh Hope]

ME too, my teenage daughter has black outs, drinks daily and admits that she is an alcoholic...she begged for help after she was injured in a fight and was still drunk the next day, with a broken jaw. We got her into detox the next day and she was there for 5 days, that was 12 weeks ago and she has had only 4 drinking episodes since then, but smokes a lot of pot. She seems to tell us everything or most of it...when she lies or omits we always find out so she has started to answer our questions and be fairly honest, I think.

She knows that after the second drink she is hooked and she knows she blacks out and ends up places she can’t remember going to etc.

She is seeing a counselor she likes, after a few that she didn’t, and says she wants to stop drinking, but I think she is substituting AL with weed.

She has no sense of responsibility, expects us to pay for everything and we do, but no extras, no spending money or rides to anything other than Doctor or job... if she kept one...... she gets all the basic clothes and shoes but no superfluous item and if she demands a designer pair of boots we say no and she goes out in sneakers, in the snow... we give her bus tickets, no cash. She has no job and quit school.

We are so afraid that she will relapse, more than she has, we don’t say too much except that she has to contribute. We give her no money but she always has cigs and places to go...too many wealthy friends that pay her way....and she does steal even though we keep our wallets with us most of the time.

She has seen me drink daily for 5 years, I hardly drank before that, I never get “drunk” and always stop after less than a bottle of wine...sometimes more... but her drinking has made me moderate to 1 beer a night or AF every other day and nothing like my past consumption. I feel so guilty that I have modeled daily drinking, but her Father has not had AL since she was born so she did have mostly non-drinking parents except for the past 5 years.

Lots of alcoholics in her genes going way back....but she does tell us stuff and for that I am very grateful and hopeful. ...I think part of her wants to shock us and she does.

Now if I just knew how long to go easy on her doing nothing and when to insist she work pay some room and board etc.

Theoretically I have no problem saying work, contribute or go to school or.... get out but I am so scared of what I will push her into. I just keep thinking that if I wait endure, help etc. she will mature enough to see what she is doing.

Good luck to all of you with young adults that cannot drink responsibly... my heart breaks for all of us and how impotent we are when all we want to do is help them.
FH