Support Ideas

[Top Secret]

Hey All-

My husband is a problem drinker and he's agreed to go back to an addiction couselor he saw a few years back (when he stayed sober for about 2 months...best run in the last 15 years). Last time he did Naltraxone with a few meetings with the couselor and made it to one rational recover type meeting (the group thing was definitely not his thing). Anyway, between motivation and the drugs, he was pretty good. mostly abstained with some moderate drinking on a couple social occassions...but he just slid off the drugs and back on the booze. Didn't like the daily pills (which is a bit ironic, since he self medicates daily with booze and pot).

So my question is two-fold, any tips for getting your drinker to stay on the medication, or be othewise supportive as they start a new program? I hear Naltrxone comes in a monthly shot, but from everything I'm reading on this site, seems like it is not the most effective option...dont' suppose that come in any way that is not a daily, oral dose.

Also, and maybe this is the unanserable question, any thoughts on balancing nagging/confrontation with ignoring it? If I get home from work and I can tell he's been drinking (even if he's not yet "drunk," I usually confront because he's in charge of the kids til I get home). Sometimes, especially if its in the evening and the kids are in bed, I just tune out because I can't stand holding a conversation with him when he's drinking...it lowers his IQ. Confronting creates hostility, but tuning him out is corrosive in a different way.

Thanks for your thoughts

[Mrs Macks]

Hi Top Secret,
I don't know what to say about the medication......I just say have you took your tablet today, and that reminds him to take it.....And because i was so upset with him drinking, i was very sarcastic and used one word answer or the silent treatment....only because i could'nt cope with it.......Sorry not much of an help Anyway i think anything you say more than once to your partner and thats classed as nagging so you can't win either way with that
Love Lisa xx

[Cashregister]

HI Top Secret,

I grew up (and am still putting up with) an alcoholic mother. The one thing I learned from my long experience was that the only person who could decide to help her was her. I tried talking with her, pleading with her, trying to get her to get help, getting her help, screaming back at her when she was drunk, trying to be supportive etc etc. But she had made up her mind, and is still drinking at 72.

I'm not saying this is your partner, i guess what i'm trying to get across is that over the years I found that all I was doing in this was causing myself harm. I spent most of my 20s believing that I could change her (and feeling guilty in the process) . I now know that the only person who can do that is her - like the old joke about the lightbulb:

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

Hope this is of some help - you need to look after yourself in all of this. Don't ignore and don't nag - he knows you know he's drinking - he knows you want him to stop. Something will happen to tip the scales - one of your children may comment on the drinking, a colleague, a friend, and he may see things in a new light.

In the meantime it is great that he is seeing someone, and the meds can be boring day after day (I guess you could put it out with brekky and dinner with some vitamins as well - "daddy being healthy" Good luck to both of you and your kids.

Take care

Cashy