What do I do

[rebekah]

Hi there,

I haven't been in here for a while hope you are all well. People probably won't remember my story but that's ok. Basically my boyfriend/ex boyfriend (don't really know what he is at the moment) is in a bad way. Things were so bad that he fianlly went to rehab to try and get better. Leading up to this many horrible things happend and he treated me terribly, lying cheating you name it he probably did it. I don't know why I stuck around. Well bhe got out of his five week stint in rehab a few weeks ago and it's like he never went, he ay even be worse. We are not officially together as such but we haev a weird relationship going. One where I bail him out, dry his tears etc. He is still messing around with other girls I have just found out and last night I pretty much told him that was it.That when he left my house (he had stayed at my house for three days as he was having a meltdown and I was takiing care of him again). Run away run away you a re all probably saying and that is what everyone else is also telling me, even his family and best mate (who is also a friend of mine) I don't know what to do though I love him, I know I can't fix him that he needs to do that on his own. He is in such a bad way though that I fear if I pulled my support, pretty much the only non alcohol and drug realted friendship he has, he will die. I do not know what I would do if anything happend to him. He is again treating me horribly and he knows it and hatres himself for it but can't seem to help it in the alcohol and drug mushed mind he is in at the moment. He tells me he loves me but that he is not ready for a relationshiop - I totally agree with him on that point. Says to go and find someone else for now but that he will be back, but while he says this he still wants to see and talk to me all the time. Says that I am the only one he feels he can turn to these days, that he needs me. I am not an overly strong person emotianally and this is literally tearing me apart. I lost over 5-6 kilos in the last six months (and I wasn't large to begin with) I have no appetite anymore. Part of me wants to tell him to go away and sort his shit out and don't come back to me until he does but I am so terrified that if I do that he won't survive. i amean I was all ready to do it last night, i even told him come morning he was out and it was over. But then I get scared I'm going to lose him and one of those stupid girls are going to come in and sweep him up, and probably end up killing him in the process. Come morning he hardly even remembered out conversation as he had taken so many xanax and some heavy duty pain killers. Spoke to him at 2pm today and he is still out of it from all the drugs he had last night. I'm so lost, I love him and want to be with him but not to be taken advantage of or used, I want to be there for him but am I only making things worse? How do I be there for him without destroying myself inthe process?

[magic]

Hi Rebekah,

I think you need more help than can be offered here, online.

I would call the rehab. centre he was in, or somewhere similar and ask where to go for help in sorting yourself out. They will help you. You need a real time person to talk to, in real time.

When push comes to shove you MUST take care of yourself first. Don't let him make you ill.

I wish you well.

magic xx

[Bella]

Rebekah........this is a really hard one. I think what you need is some support yourself with this. Your BF can not or maybe will not help himself when he knows you are there to catch him when he falls. And I don't think you can do that when you are getting weaker yourself. I agree with Magic, you must get some outside support here. Don't be afraid of losing him. It sounds like he is in no state to be starting new relationships! Get on the phone this morning and get help. I wish you well. Bella xxxx Please look after yourself. You are the most important one here.

[rachel28]

dont let this man destroy u, u may love him but if u continue letting him USE U in this way u will destroy yourself, this is y i am here on this board wiv troubles i got, dont let him feed of ur self esteem , u will have nothing left 4 u, i dont mean to sound harsh, if u love him as it sounds u do, i know how hard it is, but it also sounds like u r his crutch, while u r always there to hold him up, he will never learn to walk on his own, i know i had an ex that sounds just like it,, only he wud never of gone to rehab, i seen him turn yelow in front a my eyes an he still used to drink, tough love kid, helping dosent always help, it s got to come from him, u cant make him c sense, an how much strength have u got left in u , to keep fighting 4 him, i know at this moment u r so scared an worried 4 him, but that doe s not help unless he seriously wants you, i dont want to be negative , but can u ever feel like u r the only 1 he wants,, i cant bear the thought of u ruining yourself 4 a man that treats u so bad, u have helped as much as you can, DONT DESTROY YOURSELF, i went wrong an did, my ex is still drinking , he has duped many many more girls into helping him drink, if u can seriously c a future with love an trust then i take it back, help him all u can , just dont ruin u, in the meantime,, IF U CANT BEAT EM, JOIN EM IS NOT A GOOD MOTTO ! love to u girl , b strong thats more help to him than u laying down like a door mat, xxx

[Flip]

I remember you Bek, and it doesn't sound like it's too much better for you.

This man needs help - and you can't give it to him.

HE is NOT your responsiblity.

YOU are YOUR responsibility.

Personally I think you need to get the hell away from him as quickly as possible.

[rachel28]

i think i agree im tryin to c it from his side but sounds like u ben a doormat for a while, not sure, but how much can u take, some people embrace help others thrive of it an use help as an excuse, i dont know but u do , xxu r not a bad person if u leave him to it, it sounds like if u r not there he will find some 1 else 2 b , that may b a horrible thought but hell whats worse , spending your life funding his habbit, picking up after him, an never bein to rest easy,cos u cant trust him, flips right , its not your problem , get out b4 u end up the 1 with the problem, u sound to nice a person , xx

[southernbelle47]

Love yourself MORE......
Get some help for YOU!
Right now you can't see enough to help a" blind "man!
Some distance will improve your "sight".
Bless you.
Nancy

[rebekah]

Thanks for your advice everyone. I do love him very much but I have to admit to myself there is not much left of the man I love there at the moment. I too have had some scary incidents with him, being called up by his mates to tell me he is hospital as he had overdosed. Even the otehr night he swallowed a whole heap of pills, not trying to kill himself he says just wanting to blank out his mind, I had tried to get them off him but he wasn't having any of it. I guess I keep hoping if I stick it out and support him he will come back, I know he is in there somewhere, as I see glimses of him everynow and then. Though I know I'm of no help to anyone if I'm falling apart. I've tried many times to tell him I can't do this anymore and we should give each other some space for a while but he just looks at me and it and says that if i think that that is whats best for me then we shoud do it but he doesn't want to stop seeing or talking to me, it breaks my heart. I don't want to be apart from him, but I know I am not the only girl he has around, I am simply the most stable one, ie no drugs/alcohol, the one he apparetly "loves" I have some hard decisions to make, none of which are what I want. I guess i just have to believe that if he really is the one for me as I believe he is then it will all work out how it is supposed to in the end.

Thanks again for your words

Bek