Mod Squad Febuary Thread!

[Eve11]

Sara,
Your poem is fabulous. Go to poetry.com and register yourself there. They'll print your poem online and it's copyrighted by them when they do that.

I absolutely loved it! It was just beautiful! What joy to have that sober life, not worry about what you did, not worry about tomorrow...being there to be fully present for your family. Brought tears to my eyes.

BTW, I write poetry too. Look my last name up when you go to poetry.com and you'll find my poems there as well.

I was so proud when I saw all of your 0's on the DT - esp. last night!! You GO girl, you are rocking!!!!!
Hugs and love,
Eve11

[Maia]

Sara,
I loved your poem. Beautiful. I couldnt hold the tears. It really touched me. I also have kids and I an amazing husband and I need to be sober ALL THE TIME for them (and for me too). Thank you so much for that. Very inspiring,

Not dirnking tonight, so my husband and i are planning to watch a movie when the kids go to sleep

BTW, sorry for the confusion about you having a drink with your husbad, but congrats on not having one

[Jolie]

Sara - What a beautiful poem! You have a gift. I can so relate to a lot of the things in your poem - my children are older (21 & 24) but had to chuckle when I read "Don't you remember?" They were always telling me things that I just couldn't remember the next day. Things are so much clearer without the fog. Thanks for the poem - I have an idea it will inspire a lot of us.

Sun - hope you are feeling better! I too have been dealing with a bad cold/sinus stuff (hasn't kept me from eating though ) Can't believe we are getting ready to be hit with more snow! Where are they going to put it? We got around 21 inches last weekend!
I've been doing some hard thinking about moderating vs. AF and I think the best plan for me is to try to do the 30 days and then reevaluate. Went 18 days the last time then "thought" I could mod but I could feel myself slipping towards my old ways - so . . . we'll see how it goes.

Hope everyone has a great Tuesday!

love,
Jolie

[Sarasmiles]

I'm so grateful for this support and glad you could relate to my poem. It's the first poem I've written since I don't know when - maybe an assignment in high school! It just came from a burst of joy and gratitude...The kind that comes from not drinking. For me the effects are so noticeable, in part, I imagine, because I get so depressed when I drink too much.

This recent happiness is again making me question the wisdom for me of trying to moderate. Right now I feel scared of the thought of having wine - scared that if I have one glass I'll want two, and if I have two I'll want three. That might be okay for one night, but I fear that then the cravings will come back, and I'll want to do it again soon after. I'm not afraid that I'll drink more than 3 glasses (I think I have that down now) I'm afraid that if I drink 3 one night I'll get back into the rationalizing and wishing and drinking frequently again. Then the depression will creep back.

Still, I steadfastly refuse to say "never again". It's too much for me. So I guess I'll go on like this, getting more AF time under my belt, and being as mindful as I can of why that's so good for me. If an occasion comes up when I want to drink, I'll be checking in with all of you this time, that's for sure. I have finally accepted the truth. Although I often tell myself "you're not that bad", I also have to tell myself "you are very vulnerable to alcohol". I'm thinking that for me it's a little more like an allergy than an addiction...Although the "allergic reaction" is enough to make me feel like an addict, with alcohol controlling me instead of vis versa. Thinking "you're not that bad" is dangerous for me. It's an excuse to go ahead and drink when I've told myself I won't.

Well Squad, I'm awfully glad you're all out there, fighting the good fight. Have a great day.
Sara

[letgolaughing]

sara. the poem was wonderful. i could relate to every word...well, except for the passion part, which i envied menopause. oh well, another thing to work on i guess. sigh. LOL

i also relate to the "you're not that bad" statements, which did put me back into every day drinking again in December, although i rarely had more than 3, i was not happy with that amount of drinking. so, i have to remember, this isn't being FORCED on me, it's something i WANT. if i put it in that perspective, it seems to help.

af last night
yay

[Sunbeam]

Sara,
Wow! I'm loving the new AF Sweet Sara. Your poem reflects a very different person than the one I met here more than a year ago. Healing does take time, no matter whether you take the mods or AF route. I used to work with a man with mental retardation, who used to say "In due time" when someone used to try to hurry him along. It is a great phrase for lots of things in life.

[Eve11]

Originally Posted by Sarasmiles

Still, I steadfastly refuse to say "never again". It's too much for me.

Sara,
And therein lies the beauty of the motto one day at a time (ODAT) as they say. There's no need for anyone to overwhelm their brains with the thought of "I can never drink again".
Just take each day as it comes.

I would put your poem in a frame and in a place where you see it first thing in the morning and maybe at that witching hour at night. That will give you the reminder of how good you feel either without AL or with just a moderate amount of it.

p.s. Sunbeam,
I had a friend who said the same line "In due time". It was just such a peaceful saying to me. A great way to live one's life for sure!


Eve11

[Maia]

Sara,

Im scared too. I have been really happy this past month and I just dont want to ruin everything! I have so much energy, im doing so many thing i sometimes dont do because im too tired (hangover). I also think "Im not that bad" sometimes, sometimes I say to myself "its not like I drank every night, etc" but I know to remind myself that IT WAS BAD, and that is the reason im here now, and thats what i need to remind myself. I was sad when ever i drank too much, i was embarrased, etc. I dont want to feel like that ever again, and it is SOOOOOO scary to think that I can easily be there again! I just started the, so I dont really have the experience to know if modding is for me, I sure hope so.... by the way, has any one used the CDs??? Do they work?? I havent even tried the supplements yet! I dont know where to buy them, but imso mortified about my trip in a few weeks that I will buy them soon. Sugestions???

[Eve11]

Maia,
I'm a believer in the supps - esp. L-glut. I did buy the CD's but I'm the kind of person who isn't structured enough. Example: If we met as a group on Monday night and listened to the CD's - no problem. But for me to lie in bed and listen to them. Just doesn't happen often enough. When I first got them I listened more. There is an excellent one about drinking socially and responsibly. Think they sell it as a single. Start with that one and see what you think.

Don't push the modding thing if you feel scared. As we oldies said before - getting some good quality AF time is really a good thing.

Well, I had another "girl" party tonight. Usually don't have these things often and in one week I've had two. I announced to the hostess I was only going to enjoy 1 glass of wine as I had to get home early and was driving. That helped me stay true to my word because that wine bottle kept looking at me...
but I didn't want the hostess seeing me pour another because I verbally committed to only one. So, I filled my glass with water with lemon and kept my word.

Drove home safely, totally alert to get the kids to bed, get up tomorrow...all of that. Just like Sara's poem.

Night friends and lurkers. Thanks for helping me stay strong.

Eve11

[Sarasmiles]

That's great Eve! Smart idea to announce your intentions. I wish we could all go to a "girls' party" together. Does that mean someone's selling something?