Mod Squad November 09

[Sarasmiles]

Good Morning Modders,
And a much better morning it is for me, having been AF last night. I slept soundly; woke happy!

It's exciting to think our Eve is off to distant lands today...I hope you'll be able to stay in close touch. We'll be thinking of you, and wishing you a vacation to remember. Literally!

Emmy, you've been sounding great and going strong with the AF plan. I agree with Eve. Deciding to try moderation again is certainly high-risk. There are plenty of people here who've witnessed my pattern...AF for a while, feeling good, then deciding (or sometimes just impulsively choosing) to have a little wine. Every single time it has led to at least a little trouble. Maybe not the first time, or the second or third...But eventually, 2 glasses becomes 4. And the cravings return. And I have to go through it all again. But here I am, still not committing to staying AF. There has definitely been damage control. The "problem" episodes are fairly rare. Plus I've never been a bottle or more a day drinker... Let alone a bottle of vodka a day. It's 3-5 glasses of wine that usually do me in. (Am I rationalizing again? Probably. It's the "I'm not that bad" line I like so much!) Anyway, obviously I'm not a positive role model at this point! But I can tell you from vast experience that there is a peace that comes from staying AF, that I don't think you'll ever find if you start trying to mod again. Scratch that. There's a peace that I don't think I'll ever find modding. You may be different.

I'm not being terribly articulate. Hopefully you get the idea. I've got a little boy by my side, saying, "Mommy, will you read to me?" so I'm signing off. So happy to read to him with no hang over and no regrets about last night. One day at a time for me at this point, I guess.
Sara

[Emmy]

Sara~ I know your right ! Isn't it funny how we start making excuses~ I was laying in bed this morning trying to put a time-line together of when this all started.. I didn't touch wine until my 30's and even then only had a glass here and there , at the most maybe 5-7 glasses a YEAR .. I remember being in a bar with my family when my Mom had a stroke in 2007 , we were ordering Wine by the bottle that night.. anyhow , sometime between then and 44 days ago I started using wine to numb me... I'm more of an alcohol abuser ,than an alcoholic , (there I go again ) whatever label I put on it , I needed to stop the cycle.. anyhow , I feel like I'm in a good place now , I don't have any wine in my home , we have good friends who enjoy a good glass of wine with dinner ( restaurant) My husband and children DO NOT drink , What I'm trying to say is that I am in "good company" ~ I don't know what I'm going to do , I'm not impulsive , so if I do decide to have a glass of wine , it will be planned and with other ppl and I will ony have one glass ~ at this time , I don't feel I'm ready for that ^^ one glass , so I remain AF Em

[Sunbeam]

Hi Everybody,

Sara, you sound great. I want to always make you feel welcome here. That's the way with MWO: everyone makes their own choices, we are here to support.

Emmy, like you, my alcohol abuse began in my later years, gradually between 40 and 50. AF is always the safest choice. If my husband didn't drink (moderately) daily, I would probably be AF. Good for you making a wise choice. Alcohol isn't all that great, and we will always have the potential to get out of control; we will likely go over our preferred limits. It can be an ongoing struggle. I don't agree with the sentiment that the mods life is a great life, it is just a choice I have kept in my life.

Rejuv, how did day 2 go?

Eve, I will miss you!

Moo, I love Christmas, but don't enjoy the crowded traffic and parking lots. Plus there is a great gift-buying event locally this weekend, all unique stuff made by local artists. I bought several gifts, as well as something for myself. So now I mostly just need to get a few gift certificates, and stocking stuffers.

Deebs, are you out there? I heard a gardening presentation today by a New York State woman who has traveled to South Africa. She brings home seeds collected in many locations, starts them in her greenhouse, and then tries them outdoors. Those that survive are sold in her gardening business. She is way crazier than me about gardening, and I'm pretty crazy.

Take care, all. It is a beautiful, mid-60's day here, and I want to get out a little more before it gets dark.

[Sarasmiles]

Thanks Emmy and Sunbeam,
It felt good to be AF again tonight...Not even an iota of craving. Of course that's always the case for a few days after over-doing it. The urge is more likely to hit later in the week.

Emmy, I envy you being married to someone who doesn't drink. My husband drinks daily, too, Sunbeam. Usually he sticks with one...Sometimes two. It would be easier for me if he stopped, but I can't begin to imagine asking him to do that. Fortunately, he doesn't drink wine, which is my greatest weakness.

Hope everyone else is well...Thinking of you, Eve, in your travels, and wondering how dear DeeBee is. Best to everyone else!
Sara

[mooderator]

Hi Modders.

Well I gave myself permission to go out with the girls friday and have a few drinks. What I didnt do what get myself a plan together. Having been modding really well lately I have sort of forgotten the need to plan for bigger events. So, this was a learning curve again. I will say, it was a good night with no problems occuring. I remember everything. But there is no doubt that I drank more than I wanted to. And futher no doubt that I felt like SHIT the next day until about 2.30 after I had been swimming. I am trying not to over beat myself as I have come so far and mostly I do get it right now. This was a different kind of night and the SIL is a big drinker. She doesnt get hangovers and so can just keep going. She had the same as me and tells me she often drinks more than that in the week!!!!

It made me grateful to be out of the cycle of weekly binges and feeling awful on sundays. It has made me realise that I need a plan when I go out on a "big" or "different" night out. Which tend to be rare for me now, so didnt see it coming.

What I did think to myself was that it is a really long time since I have felt bad the next day due to AL, which is evidence that things are getting better all the time. But it also made me think that I wanted to get some extra AF time in. It also made me think I might drive at new year as I will be going out with the SIL (and others) to the same venue!

Anyway, thats my new....I am going to be AF now through to the 21st November, then I have an event. I shall see how I feel about drinking at that nearer the time.

LOVE TO ALL

I havent had time to respond to everyone today, but I will tomorrow....

thanks for letting me waffle...

[RejuvenateBodyMindandSpirit]

[quote=Sunbeam;752823]

Rejuv, how did day 2 go?

QUOTE]

Hi Sunbeam, Thanks for asking.
Hi Moo, Eve, Emmy Deebs, Sara

Completed Day 2 AF…used a couple extra doses of L-Glut for a couple of strong cravings that reared their ugly heads...but otherwise it was an OK couple of days.


3 days AF, starting day 4 now. We went to the theatre yesterday(matinee), saw an awesome production entitled the Second Tosca. Went to Lunch first. We usually do a meal either before or after. We have season passes to two different theater groups , so during season; usually go once or twice a month. Usually we drink with dinner & at intermission. Didn't really miss it.



When the booze brain hit was when we got home....couldn't hardly get it to shut up...but I won...we both did ( I think I've mentioned hubby & I are doing this together)
Anyway...did the hypno tape when I went to bed...much better today

Today, doing some work in the yard putting the garden to bed for the season...was in the 70's yesterday back to the 60's today & tomorrow...unbeleiveable weather for the front range here in Colorado iin November & certainly bizarre after we had over a foot of snow jus a little over a week ago...crazy weather...

I planned days 3 &4 AF over a weekend because I had feared they would be awful physically, but with the tapes, supps & topamax it hasn't been bad...& hubby & I have been moderately heavy daily drinkers for years. (Wine for me, Scotch for him) Go figure
have a great Sunday everyone!

Rejuve

[mooderator]

Well done REJUVE....it sounds as though you are off to a cracking start (both of you). I think its great that you are supporting each other. It will probably help your long term success....

All ok here.....have been to the supermarket today and bought lots of healthy food, as now the family have done, I want to be really good for a few weeks before christmas. Bit of a health freak anyway, but an extra push required. I plan to get back to the gym this week (had a couple weeks of doing other excerise as was really bored with the gym, but ready to climb back on the horse now. Lots of healthy food. And most importantly, I decided today to give up diet coke this week. It is my second little beastie. I dont drink gallons of it, maybe one or two cans a day, but it has no redeeming feature as a drink, so I am back on the water!! Wish me luck.....

Love to all

[Emmy]

Hi Everyone , Just checking in before I start watching Football then the Lakers tonight . WOO HOO , I swear I love sports more than my hubby ! Glad to hear that everyone is doing well .. We went out to dinner last night with another couple , I did order a glass of wine , took 3 sips ( I counted) and handed it to my friend who had already finished hers.. Not sure whats happening , but , It didn't taste good , and I felt guilty I think I'm almost ready to be AF ... whatever I decide to do , I'm never never never going back to where I was 2 months ago Take care Em

[Sarasmiles]

Hi Everyone,

Mooderator, I think it's great that you're looking at the big picture, and your overall improvement. I tend to get really down on myself when I don't meet my goals...It would be good for me to see that overall, I'm doing pretty well. The mistakes are fewer and farther between, and they're also not as bad as at one time. You also sound like you learned something from this outing. Next time you'll plan ahead better. Isn't it amazing, though, how we can sort of forget how awful a hangover is? At least I can. I remember intellectually, but not on a visceral level. Imagine if there were a way to recreate the hung-over feeling, just for a few minutes, in the midst of drinking. It would really help me STOP.

Emmy, sounds like you're thriving!

Rejuve, Well done! I'm so happy for you! It will definitely get easier, and the cravings less intense, as time goes by.

I had another AF day, and feel pretty good. I haven't wanted a drink since my two Manhattans on Thursday night. I've been taking L-Glut and Kudzu, but I don't know if it's the supps or just the recent experience that's effecting me. Either way, it feels good not to want to drink.

I also want to report that I think the natural anti-depressant Lavande recommended to me, called Amoryn, is helping. I've been off of Prozac for a couple of months now, and my mood is good on the Amoryn. No side effects, and I can still feel.

Best wishes to all!
Sara

[mooderator]

SARA -heavens yes that is true...if we could only recreate that feeling...no doubt that would work ....and indeed mostly it does, the thought of it is enough to stop me most of the time. As we said, we get caught out occasionally. I am pleased to say it is very occasionally. Personally I think we have to see the big picture because the reality is that there will be errors whether we are attempting to be AF all the time or modding, or at least that is what I see here. If we are winning more often than not, which we are, then its going well. And if we get it wrong less and less often, which I do, then we are learning.

EMMY - sounds as though you are doing great. I have had times similar to that when you taste a drop and just think, actually NO. Long may it continue.

All is going well here. I started off superheathfreak kick yesterday and I am enjoying it already.....long may that continue too. I have a ball to go to at XMAS and I want to look and feel great.