Is Mods really attainable?

[InnerStrength]

Hi all
This IS a very interesting topic and one that has been subject to some debate before. I think, too, that whether mods is possible is a very personal thing. I have had some fairly bad slips the past few weeks (I was on vacation) and am also questioning my ability to do mods. This is something I am pondering and will have to think seriously about. I know this: I am not drinking today and cannot drink on weekdays. If I can't do that, then, for me, mods as a concept just isnt possible, i dont think. I was doing extremely well with mods in oct, nov and early december but when i was off work and on vacation, it was like all my hard work went out the window. Well, in all fairness I had also gone off the topa. Which I am back on as of today.
So, very interesting topic - not sure there is an "answer" but would love also to hear more input.
Hugs
Jen

[Suzanna]

MM Thank you for the welcome! And that was great research that you found and very interesting. White wine gives me a headache and the tannins in most red kind of bother me, lately I read somewhere that there were less tannins in pino noir so that is what I drink now. I have tried many different ways to "trick" myself into drinking less, expending alot of energy and conscious effort into telling myself, ok don't have a drink before 7 pm, okay lets put alot of ice in the glass (cuz you know they ain't 5 oz glasses)! Putting ice in the wine is taboo to the connessiors (I know I mangled that spelling), but hey, I have needed to slow myself down somehow. Switching to beer, then not finishing the beer because I think of the calories, then playing a meditation tape and telling myself, that's enough. Just telling myself that's enough seems to have been working. Saint Jude, are you doing the holosync? Or is that Lush? Still plugging away with that and it has helped, now I play it at bedtime. Southernbelle, I am glad your son is home! My son has a friend who went back for a 2nd tour and another buddy who is going in a couple of months, but he is supposed to serve as medic on the base and they assure me he'll be alright. Dilayne, with all the thought that we put into mods, it is alot of work and conscious effort, but I'd like to keep at mods and see if I can maybe taper off. My greatest wish is one day I'll wake up and I won't have to think about it so hard, that it will just fall away. Jennah you have done great! Don't let some temporary slips get you down or erase all the good that you have done. I've followed you on the boards! You're awesome! Suz

[southernbelle47]

I read today in Good Housekeeping magazine (Dr. Phil)that to break a habit, you have to replace it with something else. It said that we have to have a plan in place. So if we want to NOT drink.....then what DO we do? For me, I have to not have it in the house and have other activities. I read books,get on here and read and I also crochet. Also gardening and planning to garden. I moved some blueberry plants today and ordered seed for spring. I did two loads of laundry and put clean sheets on two beds.I cooked a pot of chicken veggie soup and read some more in the Good housekeeping. When I sign off here I'm going to take a bath or shower and read a book.
Tomorrow I'm going to puppy sit for my son and daughter-in-love. Belle will like having company!
I think it will be raining here so it will be a good day to visit with our 90 year old aunt.
Dr. Phil said that if you normally come home and enter through the kitchen and consume 1000 calories in junk food before dinner, then you should change your path and come in the front door and change clothes and take a walk before you go into the kitchen for dinner. I know some people don't like him but that made sense to me. Avoid the temptation and decide before on a plan.

Nancy

[Mackeral]

Hiya Suz,
This must be the nagging question at the back of everyones mind..In my opinion getting that first month AF is a massive step..And i bet after that month you would be so proud of yourself you want 2months and so on...I think i went nearly 5 months before the mods question got the better of me..and i had to give it a go....All i can say is after a decent spell of abs, Mods is definatly more do-able..Thats if you dont go over the top when you do try it..

I suppose its down to the person and their own frame of mind...But you dont sound like you binge drink...so for you it might be more attainable..

Good Luck Suz

[irishlady]

I agree with you Nancy about not drinking and replacing one habit with another...you have to keep your mind and hands busy when you stop drinking, but that was a better option for me than mods, I tried that several times, Oh those voices in my head nearly drove me crazy....when should I drink?? how much? two glasses or three? what time should I have first drink?? on and on, and of course I never kept it at two or three glasses so then in came my friends DISGUST AND FAILURE to taunt me and make sure I drank even more....So I stopped altogether and the feeling of freedom from not having to make choices which I knew I would never stick to, well I feel as if I have broken out of those chains, hopefully for ever...If you can do moderation and you are happy with it then I take my hat off to you, because I know it's a road I can never travel.

[Mighty Mouse II]

Suzanna and Southernbelle, thank you for the feedback. I also agree that alcohol consumption is a habit and has to be addressed like you would any other habit. I think the way to do that can differ. I use the same habit-changing techniques that are used by business executives, as that is how I was trained. And it is working fairly well for me -- that is why I set the behavioral change pattern (habit) into something I do everyday -- that is how I was trained. If it were a bahavioral change that I did one day and not the next, then I would fall apart because want to go back to the days where I am AF. But every person is different.

For those of you who are looking how to replace one habit with another, I will share a little trick I did for myself in the beginning and use anytime I start to slip. I don't about anybody else, but I know on those days when I just feel like I just want to freely drink -- and then I start looking for excuses. Well, on those days I buy Mogen David concord wine. It is very sweet and tastes a lot like grape juice. Then I buy Welsch's 100% grape juice (in the bottle, not frozen). I pour 10 oz. of both into two separate identical canters. Once I even put them on a spinning lazy Suzanne for fun, closing my eyes and spinning each time. Then, I alternate drinking. You can tell the difference at first, but then with each drink it gets less and less detectable. And then I eat some kind of heatlhy snack, like smoked salmon on crackers or garlic/olive oil bread or They taste very close. By the time the two canters are done, I'm relaxed and FULL and have only had two glasses of wine. I know it sounds silly, but It really helped me. Fortunately, I don't need to do that often, or I would look the good year blimp!!

Love to all,
MM

[Changeling]

I would truly love to be able to follow mods but for me it just does not work.
I am always tricking myself, sneaking drinks I don't count etc etc.

Sorry if you have read this before but will say again anyway...
Last year I went 7 months AF
Then last Christmas (2005) I started having this dialoge with myself
"just have a few at christmas"
"you have done so well - obviously you can control it now"
Guess What - I had a few at christmas, a few more at New Years come Feb I was drinking more than when I stopped in the begining.
Here I am starting again (day9) and I would give anything not to have taken those first few drinks last year

For me abstain is easier -I don't focus on drinking so much
I will not have any, hence, no need to think about when or how many
Regards Changeling

[Waves 2]

HI, I think it's too soon to tell for me. I think that if I were ever to say a definite yes to this question then that would be relaxation and consequently very dangerous for me.

[floridagirl]

I was doing really well until the holidays, then blew it at the Christmas party. Then got the "concerned lecture" from my boss (who is actually concerned in a friend sort of a way, not just a boss way; he's a sweetie, though he has his moments and we are ENTIRELY too much alike.) Of course, got two or three other friendly reminders that if I need help they are there for me (which make me want to drink) during the holiday season) and lots and lots of job frustration.

Then I went on vacation (stayed home) and was pretty much fine (overdid it by 1-2 a couple of times, including New Year's Eve, but didn't act the idiot, still remember everything, only headache was New Years Day and that was a migraine due to sulfites in 2 glasses of cheap champagne, not quantity.)

Went back to work Thursday and SLAM!!! A full 24-hour reminder of everything I hate about my job! I love what I do. I love the people I work for. Our office manager doesn't know what she is doing, though my boss thinks she's wonderful, and if he thinks it, it might as well be true. I sort of like her as a person, but the things she does makes my life harder. She does not make the office run smoothly. It's a lot of little things, but how many little things add up to a big thing over 3 years or so?

And there's always the money. I made less than 2005, and 2004. I just copied my last pay stub, and my W-2s from 2005 and 2004 with a very polite, HELP ME type of note, sealed it up, and put it on boss's desk yest am. He never had a chance to talk to me about it yesterday, but I know he saw it because I know his moods and he was a little snippy with me yesterday afternoon in the hallway. But it's good because he'll think about it over the weekend and conclude that at least a decent explanation would be in order. It's bonus-based, but the bonus numbers are based on???? (pulled out of his a** is my guess.)

So, drank too much last night, not lots too much but enough. But just sat home with hubby and son, watching TV and drinking lite beer and eating pizza.

I noticed a lot of you talking about "when your kids left." That's exactly what's happening with us. Our problem (we call it our "second adolescence") started when our son left for college in Aug. 2005. He's our only child, and him leaving, although a very good thing, nearly KILLED me. That's when the drinking, which was already borderline heavy since we had 3 hurricanes in 6 weeks in Aug-Sept. 2004 here, accelerated out of control. It's job stress, money stress, enjoyment of the taste of beer, wine, tropical drinks, and a social relaxer. I'm way too reserved before the first drink. But I NEED to stop after two in work party situations, and 3 in the rest.

I think last night is related to the fact that the boy is leaving tomorrow (again.) It's hard. It's GOOD, though. What is he supposed to do? Go back and get good grades like he has been. At Thanksgiving, the first few days I felt like we had been invaded, but when I gave him a hug goodbye I burst into tears again! Before that I thought I had the mom of the young adult thing down, but now I am certain I don't. And after a lovely two-week at home hang-out with him, this one isn't going to be easy either.

I'm nuts. I'll be seeing him in probably a week--I think he's going sailing with us on Friday; if not, I'll see him on the 15th.

Also worried about his 21st birthday on Monday. He does drink, does NOT want to be like us, knows he has the predisposition. Worried that he'll drink too much, that he'll drink and drive, that he'll ride with someone who has been (like all these things haven't happened already, and he knows better, and is very cautious by nature but just doesn't think sometimes like everyone.)

You all have made me feel better, though. I was feeling bad earlier in the week because the book made it sound so easy, and I didn't understand why I just wasn't breezing through with no cravings or problems like Roberta and her friend. Thought there was something wrong, even though I'm taking the Topamax and supplements and doing the CDs (maybe not often enough?) and walking and etc. etc. PERFECTIONISM REARS ITS UGLY HEAD AGAIN!!! Now I have to be the perfect moderate drinker! And the perfect mother of the college boy who misses the child but not too much. And the perfect employee.

Would like to have a perfect house, but no time and not willing to put forth that much effort. Husband would like to have a nicer (but not perfect) wife, but will have to find better drugs!

[Allie]

Suzanna,
I dont have a whole lot of time, but I am mods. For the most part, I do really well, but because I have it in the house and that door to it is still "open" I guess you could say, I tend to overdue it occasionally. It is usually triggered by sadness, stress, etc.

I also relate to everything you said about your son. He graduated the same year as my son, and two months later we moved to Florida. (I'm officially a Florida girl too now). He chose to take a year off after HS and work. He didnt want to move here with us, and it broke my heart. I could understand as he has no life or relationships here. So after moving, I found myself in a strange house, strange city and my son was gone. I had no idea how huge that void would be. I have two younger, and they missed him terribly as well... especially his little brother who was 7 at the time. (I did a nice job of spacing mine out... LOL). So I had their emotions and grief to deal with on top of mine, and the drinking started getting worse. So for me doing mods, I have to be EXTRA careful whenever I get sad or stressed, because I know that I just want to get lost in the wine to numb out the pain. Its hard to learn to find new ways to vent. Learning to be honest with my husband when I'm struggling and ask him to help me not drink or drink too much that night when I feel it coming on has helped me a lot. He is so glad I will finally talk about it with him, that he really tries hard to distract me. Sometimes we just get in the car and drive to the beach and walk. And talk. Not much else to do at the beach at night! Well.... that depends. LOL. But yes -- for me mods is attainable. I have never done long periods of abs -- never even did the 30 days at the outset because I couldnt. If I deprive myself too long, I end up just getting toasted when I allow myself to drink again. its to extreme in both directions. So this is working for me 90 percent. The other ten percent I would rather not share!

Good luck! Hope you are enjoying this awesome Florida weather by the way!