Is Mods really attainable?

[pixie]

I've been trying moderation for a couple months now, so I'm not nearly at 'long-term' status. But I think I've been fairly successful so far, with a few screw-ups thrown in. Whether this will work for me long-term I can't say, but regardless I feel I'm going down the right road. Because I'm not drinking nearly as much as before. And, if I decide at some point that I can't moderate well, I will be much better prepared for abstinence, with many AF days under my belt, and tools and coping strategies, and new (or renewed) activities to take up the time I'd normally be drinking. If abstinence is what I ultimately decide, then my time moderating was well spent in preparation for that.

My sense in the few months I've been here reading many posts is that some people can truly moderate, some think they can now but will decide later they can't, some have decided it's an easier path to abstain even if they can moderate, and some have decided that moderation does not work for them at all. That's probably a simplistic way to fit complex people into buckets, but that's what I'm seeing at this point in my journey.

Count me in as one of the people who is still very much trying to figure this all out for myself. But being here and trying is the most important thing.

pixie

[Waves 2]

[Suzanna]

Everyone is so honest and open here, that's why I love this board. There are alot of good coping strategies. Macks I don't binge drink but there are some nights (getting fewer and farther apart) where it is close. I don't have many AF days. If i could do a month I'd be on cloud nine! Replacing those couple of hours after work with somethng else to do like going walking, is my next strategy.

Allie I went to the beach yesterday too.

[mtnest]

I was just getting ready to post a mods vs abstinence question when I stumbled across this thread. I am so glad I did. I am just starting the program but have been considering whether mods is really attainable. I think for me it would be like trying to cut down on cigarettes-it would just delay the inevitable of having to face the fact that you can never, ever, ever have another cigarette or drink or consumption would just climb back up. Dilayne said it great. I would love to go back 5 years to when I savored a wonderful glass of wine with a great meal but I gradually started using it as liquid xanax so For me it would be just too much mental gymnastics trying to decide when, how much, and the next big stress would have me buying a bottle of wine (or 2) and drinking it all and I would be back at square one.

Re: Dr. Phil and replacing one habit with another. I would like to go for a walk everytime I have a wine craving but it is about 3 degrees out and icy! I need to lose 50lbs so It would be ideal if I could just stop what I was doing everytime I feel stressed and go for a walk instead of reaching for a wine glass.

Suzanna, best of luck whatever you decide your goal is.

[Waves 2]

Beginning to feel like I am back to square one and that the answer to this is no.

My drink tracker is only half what it would have been this time last year but is terrible compared to before Christmas.

CHRISTMAS- BAH HUMBUG!

Of course, I can't blame myself can I?

Square one- AF again?

[BoozeFreeFox]

Originally Posted by dilayne

Hi Suzanne..just flying by here but wanted to contribute. I think Mods is attainable to some, but it is a very personal thing. I think you have to try it to find out if it is possible for you. My story is similar to Southernbelle's..I'm 48 and was actually abstinent for about 16 years..when the kids grew up my husband and I decided to let our hair down and drink..I really tried to drink moderately but would end of binge drinking at least once a month, sometimes more..binge drinking for me would be a large bottle of wine (sometimes a little more). That wasn't OK with me. Drinking just 2 glasses of wine would have been ideal, but I found it to be a major struggle to do..my decision to go Abs came mostly from the desire not to expend so much mental energy on controlling my drinking. To get rid of it freed up my life. I think if moderation consist of a constant battle, lots of failures and dissappointments, one should probably get real about their ability. If it's relatively effortless and satisfying, then moderation is the way to go. I think it's a personal journey for most of us and there are wonderful people here to share the journey. Good luck in whatever you do!

You hit the nail on the head for me. I'm 8d ABS now. I'm your typical "3 huge glasses of wine EVERY FRIGGIN' DAY, useless for the evening, would never drink and drive, would never miss work or exercise, but ALWAYS feel like crap" sort of drinker.
The thought of sipping a little glass of wine with dinner is very unappealing to me. I want LOTS.
Right now, after 8d of no booze I feel absolutely GREAT. I feel free. Like that "limiting myself" monkey is off my back.
I think that if I placed rigid limits on myself, I would feel chained, and feel (and act) like the "dry drunk" that has been referred to here so much.
That's just me.
Great thread. Thanks for taking these words right out of my mouth.
BFF

[Olly]

I've been living in Absville since joining in here in late November. I joined in because I decided I simply didn't want to drink anymore. I went 25 days AF and then had some wine at Christmas and drinks on New Years. Then started AF on Jan 1st. I just went 21 days AF and tonight had a glass of champagne and one glass of red wine (which I knew since last week I would do) So, although I'm getting my primary support from reading the AF threads, I guess I'm actually moderating, in a way. I haven't been drunk in two months.. that's huge! But, I realized tonight that after one glass of champagne and the wine (with dinner) I was really having to struggle to keep the 'I WANT MORE" demon in me under control. And, the only reason I didn't go for more was because of the focus I've found here... and the fact that my husband was with me and he didn't want to drink anymore. Had I been alone though... So, what I'm learning is that it is really hard to "moderate" and I feel so much better AF.

[stayathomemotherdom]

I think if you're an alcoholic, it isn't attainable...or OK, it is attainable for a short time. But controlled drinking is still controlled drinking...if you have to invest that much time and thought into it, there may be a problem that needs to be looked at. And in my opinion, that problem has spiritual and behavioral component that needs to be addressed...or your behavior will stay the same. (meaning we drunks are an unhappy group and if we don't address the underlying issue, we'll just be sober unhappy people)

But my life has so much more meaning than when I tried to work this program a year and a half ago. I have such a full life with no compulsion to drink ever. And, thank God, nothing to drink in 9 months,

[Waves 2]

Thanks for that and well done on the time abs.

[Saint Jude]

I think mods is attainable. But it is a constant process, of determination & vigilance. Which I'll admit.. sometimes it can de downright frustrating! But I believe anything in life that is worth your time & energy, that takes a lot of work is always going to be just that. Hard work & a lot of determination. Maybe even some trials & errors. But the light bulb wasn't invented on the first try either. For that matter... light bulbs need replacing, they burn out. As do we if,we allow ourselves to get too stressed, or overworked.

I know for me, being totally abs a much harder struggle, than allow myself to drink some.

I've done re-hab 2x, been in & out of AA for years. And I always end up meeting great people. But for me to sit and talk about my old patters, or admit that I'm afflicted with a non-curable disease, and constantly admit to myself that I'm powerless... Makes me feel like a THIRSTY LOSER...

So, for now... I'll keep moderating. Praying, exercising, and trying to stay as healthy as I can. Thanks to this program, I've been able to do that for a year and 2 months now! Only a couple of bad slips. But hey, when I was learning to ski, it took a few spills before I started "rippin". Same with kayaking, I've done my share of swimming before I got a good roll down... Somethings just take more work than others. Sure I'll swim again, but that's not gonna stop me from getting back in my boat!
Judie