Party Tomorrow Night - Help!

[Margoms]

I've been AF since my recent party debacle last Saturday. I was so disgusted with myself I really haven't wanted to drink. I guess it's short term aversion therapy! Anyway, I'm not ready to go AL free yet. I've just gotten the supplements, read the book, etc., but want to try moderation, which leads me to my dilemma - my best friend's birthday party tomorrow night (same friend I made a fool of myself in front of last weekend). I need a plan! I'm thinking of limiting myself to 1 drink per hour with a max of 3 for the whole evening and drinking club soda in between. I'll probably be checking my watch every 5 minutes! I'm very open to suggestions here. Has anyone tried this or have a better idea?

Thanks!

[Sunbeam]

I am only able to moderate because I went AF for two months first. Once you have so much alcohol in your system, the urge is too great. I think it would be a better plan to just stick with club soda.

[Margoms]

Okay Sunbeam, So you think 4 days AF might not be enough? Damn, I was hoping for a quick fix and an easy answer. Doing just the club soda would be hard, but I'll sleep on the idea tonight. I realize that if I don't take proper care I may never be able to moderate and would have to go AF on a permanent basis. Thanks for answering my email and for your honesty. I'll let you know how it goes.

[Sunbeam]

Hi Margoms,
I forgot to welcome you properly - so Welcome! Moderating is much more difficult than quitting. Some new people come to this moderation thread because they just can't imagine themselves quitting. I get the impression that most who try to moderate are not successful, so there are way more people on this site who have quit or are trying to quit, convinced that moderation just doesn't work for them because they have tried and failed so many times.

On the plus side, I was amazed how quitting re-set my alcohol tolerance. My goal is to moderate at 3-4 glasses per week, and I have been pretty successful at that. I am now usually satisfied with just one glass of wine. There was one Sunday afternoon when I drank 3/4 bottle of wine, but most of us sooner or later have days when we are not successful at our goals of moderating or abstaining. It is very important to keep the big picture in mind so you don't get discouraged. I continue to worry A LOT about whether I will gradually increase my drinking. It is also important to examine your reasons for drinking, and get rid of at least some of them. Like, don't drink because you had a bad day (or a bad life!). Don't drink because you are tired.

Success in moderation also seems to depend a lot on how heavily you have been drinking. I was a binge drinker, and went many days without drinking before coming here. But on my binges I would drink a bottle or more of wine, or who knows how much vodka mixed with whatever was available, followed by feeling shitty the next day, memory lapses, etc. etc. stories often repeated here. I needed to break that weekly habit, and I did!

So good luck to you. Read the MWO book and make a plan for yourself. Stop making excuses. The most powerful tool for me has been reading and posting here.

[Margoms]

Thank you for the welcome Sunbeam,
I've felt welcome and at home here since I "accidently" found this site on Sunday morning. "Seek and ye shall find". I think once we open our hearts and really ask for help we see that it's been there for us all along. I am gaining a lot of acceptance of my problem since I found this forum. Although I've been aware of it for some years, there have been better times and worse times in terms of the AL abuse. I'm more of a binge drinker in social situations than at home, so it's been easy to return to denial when the problem isn't actively presenting. This time, something is different, something made an impression. I realized that I don't like the image of myself as an "out of control party girl" any more. There's more to me than that and I want to stop dimming my light with AL. I am taking some time out from AL this week to see how it feels. So far, no big social obligations, just at home with hubby, so it's been easy. I have several big social commitments in July that are going to be very challenging including a 10 day visit from my sister to celebrate our joint birthdays. She is coming to share her break from law school with me and will want to drink wine and have fun. I am planning to do the best I can with this, but know that I may not yet have the tools to do this AF. I'm okay with that. What I am planning to do is this:
1) Log in here every day, drinking or not and be honest
2) Keep reading the book and taking the supplements
3) Try to moderate - I've made a plan but haven't tried it yet
4) Stay on my exercise program, rest and eat well
5) Hope my tapes get here soon!
6) Stay out of denial and prepare to go completely AF if necessary in August.

I get tears in my eyes every time I log on to this site because I relate so much to everyone's struggles and joys and it's so amazing to have a place to just tell the truth without fear of judgement. I know I'm just starting out on this journey, but I think I've chosen my fork in this road and it feels good to be on the right path. Thanks for letting me ramble.

[me145]

its interesting to me how so much of us on here make fools of ourselves and worry about it. i worry like crazy when i make a fool of myself. i worry what people think, etc. i think if u took the supplements youd be "ok" for the party. kudzu makes me not get blasted out of my mind, but i still get tipsy but u have alot more control over it.but its best to take a month af and then begin moderation of course. what did you do at the party that was embarssing? what sucks for me is i blackout and cant rememeber-but get told!!! I feel like I blackout more than most people more often.

[Margoms]

Me, I' m really not an obnoxious drunk. I don't get loud or belligerent or angry. I just get sloppy - eyes at half mast, maybe a little slurry and over expressive with the hand gestures. Probably nobody else gave it much thought. Still, it's not the image of myself that I like to project. I like to think of myself as an intelligent, together person. I did black out for the end of the evening. That was a particularly bad night in that I don't have blackouts very often. The AL hit me really hard and I actually felt it happen, almost like someone had injected the wine right into my vain and suddenly (well, after 4-5 glass), my brain was reeling, but it was too late. Once I'm really buzzed I just want to drink more, keep partying and have more "fun". I am also going through menopause now and it seems I'm less able to handle my AL. Perhaps hormones play a role. This is the age when my mom started loosing control too. No matter the reason, I'm ready to change.

[Margoms]

I'm leaving for my party in a couple of hours. I'll take my L Glut about an hour before I leave (haven't received the Kudzu yet) and have a small snack. Honestly, I really don't feel like drinking right now and I may choose not to, but I'm also giving myself permission to try my mod plan if I want to. I'll check in tomorrow.

[Sunbeam]

I don't come here every day any more, but I will plan on checking in tomorrow to see how you're doing. Take care of yourself. Sounds like you are making some good choices.

I also feel that menopause played a role in my excess drinking. Then some health problems hit lifestyle-limiting, not life threatening. I increased a lot last summer, when I wasn't able to work, had too much time on my hands. Such a relief to be in better control.

Until tomorrow,

[Margoms]

It's 9:00 p.m. I'm home. I did not drink. I decided to have a club soda first and then see how I felt. It was okay, so I had another club soda. I have to say I did not feel as relaxed as when I have that glass of wine in my hand, didn't quite feel the "camaraderie" kick in. This was there first party I've been to in recent memory where I have not drank. I had a nice time, visited with my friends and it was okay. Thanks for checking my post Sunbeam. It really helps to be accountable to someone.