Snowflake's Chance in Hell

[about time too]

Hey Tawny..

It could only be you that would get me to post on a thread about long term moderators, my friend.

From one pariah to another!!!! and boy do i know the feeling you are expressing... its like you are a freak isnt it.. i felt that when i kept staying abstinent.. like i couldnt post cos everyone here wanted to moderate and when i realised i simply couldnt i felt like a total failure and a freak... but i'm not a failure and i'm not a freak.. and neither are you.

Speak your truth Tawny. Speak it loud and clear.

The fact that our truths are different because we are different is liberating... and poses no problem to me.

So I intend to keep speaking my truth and I hope you continue with yours... Both are valid... so long as they are real and true.

Brigid

[tawnyfrog]

Thanks everybody.

I guess what prompted my post was my own elation at having attended yet another social function and returned home many hours later clear of conscience.

I took 2 bottles of red, not knowing whether we were all supposed to share. I came home with 1.5. That felt really good. It was nice to have a glass of wine while watching the sun set. It was even nicer the following morning when I could remember everything that went on, who said what, who did what and how much fun I had.

Whilst I am no longer scared of drinking in social situations, I am not complacent. I still have to be mindful but at least I'm no longer terrified of making an idiot of myself.

Brigid - my truth is I can now enjoy a few drinks. In reality, if we all only ever drank the drinks we really "enjoyed" - we wouldn't have gotten into this mess in the first place. Nobody can tell me they "enjoy" their 6th whisky or their 10th chardonnay. I still have a substantial cellar which, at the rate I'm drinking, should see me out. It's actually gaining on me. I live in a wine growing area and wine seems to be a form of currency. (Tomorrow I'm picking grapes for some friends and I know they will sling me a dozen of last year's vintage.) So my truth is - although it's all around me - I can happily sip and leave it at that. I don't do drunk anymore. That's nice.

I have total admiration for abstainers. I have total admiration for anyone who reaches their drinking goals. And I have enormous respect for people starting out here who begin to address their problem. Without a doubt, I could not have achieved my contented place without MWO.

There are still sh*tful aspects of my life but being permanently legless is no longer one of them.

[Bluebell]

I just read this Tawny and, as I have been struggling this weekend, it has certainly given me food for thought.

Although I am abstaining now, I feel that if I have one glass of wine I will have 10. BUT, I also know that it really is like walking against the tide thinking that I will NEVER drink again. I would LOVE to be moderating. So, no, I don't think your a "bloody social pariah". I am just bloody jealous that you can do that.

I think, in all honesty, moderating is what I am aiming for in the long term. I don't know when I will feel ready to handle it yet.

I look forward to being a social pariah alongside you mate .

[Popeye]

Hello Tawny,
You and others are proof that Moderation can work.
Well done!

[about time too]

Tawny,
And my truth is that moderation isnt for me, no matter how much i wanted it to be. I tried it a million times and a million different ways and I simply couldnt do it. Because of my failed experiences with moderation my fear is that by the time many people try for it, its too late. I dont think its too late for everyone, but for a lot ... and certainly I got to trying for it too late for me.

And I have only recently stopped wishing that moderation could be for me and locked into just being happy as I am... and stopped being jealous of you being able to do mods.

And I admire people who are honest with themselves and turn themselves around - however they do it.. be it AA, MWO.. abs, mods.. whatever.. so I finally admire myself!!! Fancy that.

Brigid

[lindylou63]

I would like to be a social drinker, but i dont know where to start to find out if its possible. I am very very familiar with all my 'old triggers' that wuld sending me screaming to the wine, if i am self aware, can i drink socially in the future? I also believe quite strongly that in the past when i have gone on a bender, ive done it because a) i guess i wanted to and b) it is what was expected of me!?!!? does b help or hinder? I've been in several 'pub situations' for genunie parties and celebrations and been perfectly happy not to drink, but have wondered that with balanced mind, i could have easily just had a couple to drink and gone home happy. dont know weather to attempt/risk/try it - any advice much appreciated

[satori]

Tawny,

We could start a pariah colony!

Yep - moderation IS possible.
Do not ever get the feeling that you are somehow less worthy because you are not abstaining - it probably takes MORE willpower to moderate because you are putting yourself into the "danger zone" every time you do drink and you then have to have the strength of will to stop - with alcohol already in your system.

I too am successfully (for now anyway) moderating.

I initially set myself a limit of 2 drinks on no more than 2 days of the week, because when I set out on this journey, I could not realistically see me abstaining - alcohol WAS my life!

But - the amount I drink now is such a reduction for me from my old pattern of drinking, that for me, it IS essentially abs!
In reality, I may well end up abs - not because I have to because I can't control it any other way - but because there is no real "logic" to me drinking at a very low level like this.

By this I mean - I used to drink alcohol for the buzz - but I never drink to that stage any more, so why bother to drink alcohol at all?
(I could usually stop at 2 drinks - but if I poured the third .......somehow the brake pedal stopped working, and - that is why I set my limit at two!)
I am well past the stage where I would feel the need to drink to "fit in" - it is nobody's business but my own what I pour down my throat. So I don't feel the need to drink alcohol for those reasons either.

Time will tell.

If mods is working for you - GOOD ON YA!

Feel proud - you did what it takes to get YOUR problem under control - in a way that fits YOUR life!

Take care

Satori
xxx

[Mighty Mouse II]

Hi Everybody. Like Tawny, I too have found success in moderation. It took me nearly six months though, modifying my behavior overtime, little by little. But it can be done.

Cassy, that was a very moving thread you put through yesterday. I don't like to use the term "normal drinker" because there is no such thing. Everyone's body handles alcohol differently. But I believe that if you follow the AMA guidelines of no more than two glasses of wine a day, which they claim is healthy, most reputable doctors would not say that is signs of alcoholism. At least, not the ones I know or the studies that I have seen.

On the other hand, though, if you are 35 days AF, and you are happy, I would not go back. I'm not saying that you can't moderate, but alot of people do have trouble with it. The bottom line is you have to ask yourself if you are willing risk losing all that you have gained in your AF. If you're happy without drinking why go back? And is it worth it? These are the questions you will have to ask yourself! I wish you luck, as these are not easy questions to answer and even tougher ones to live by once your choice is made.

Tawny, it was sure nice to see someone else posting here!!!!!

Love to all,
MM

[Saint Jude]

I must admit that in the year & 3 months that I've been here, I have had a few ruff spots with moderating ( I think 3 real tuff ones) But looking at the over all picture...
The past year +, has been better for me moderating here; than I've done in the past 30 years!
So I have to say, YES moderating does work.
For me it takes daily work, because I really enjoy my beer(especially after work)

I've decided hard liquor is not an option for me- at Hubby's request.. my "evil twin", who's a castrating bitch seems to pop out when I drink that.
I respect his opinion on that..plus I don't like hangovers, so it makes sense to avoid it, for me.
It is so nice to be able to enjoy a beer, (or maybe a glass of wine once in a while) like at family gatherings- before it was always awkward around my family because most of them like to drink some & if I wasn't... it felt like I was an "alien"... Now it's not such a "big deal"... if Judie's drinking or not.

[wwbarb]

I have been abs for 72 days (or will be) and am going on vacation. This will be my chosen time of trying to moderate. We are going to Nevada and have been planning moderation for this with great fear for some time. Your words have inspired me. I am only going to have as many drinks as I "enjoy", not do my best to empty their liquor cabinets.

Thanks all.